I'm interested in my brother's friend?

I’ll admit it; I have a thing for my brother’s friend!

This isn’t like its some grade school crush either. My brother is 25 and his friend is 23. We all at one point have gone to the same college. My brother graduated the spring before I started, and his friend and me are both still in school. I go to a lot of concerts with my brother and this friend is one of his concert buddies. So I’ve actually known this friend since I was either 17 or 18. I knew that I was attracted to him right away, but didn’t think much of it since he was in college and I was still in high school. I’m 21 now, by the way.

I go with my brother to a lot of concerts since none of my friends really have the same taste in music. We tend to go to a lot of rock/metal concerts. Most of my friends refer to this as “noise.” So whenever I go to these concerts, it’s with my brother and often this friend. We have the same taste in music, but we also have the same political views which is awesome, because in this area we are the minority party, especially among fellow students. We see each other on campus and talk to each other. We’ve run into each other in the dining hall and have had dinner several times by chance. I didn’t even know what Facebook was till I got to college, and once I got an account, he was one of the first people that added me as a friend.

He’s just a sweet, nice guy in general. He doesn’t drink, which is pretty cool. I’ve only turned 21 this year, but I don’t go out to the bars much, or drink much for that matter because I’m on a college sports team. I’m not too fond of drinking anyway. When I have drank, it wasn’t to the point of severe intoxication, but enough to the point I’m doing things I normally wouldn’t do. I don’t mean like waking up in someone else’s bed or anything of the sort, just being loud and obnoxious. I don’t like to represent myself in such a manner. I’d be embarrassed if someone saw me like that and came up to me and asked “hey, aren’t you on the soccer team?” So drinking’s something I could live without and it would be nice not to have anyone that was an alcohol pusher. When he does go to the bars, he orders soda and saves the tabs off the cans and gives them to his niece for whose school collects them. For every tab some charity gives money towards a cause; I think it’s the Ronald McDonald House. Awwww!

I just don’t know and can’t really tell if I’m his type. He’s a proclaimed “straight edge,” which means he doesn’t drink or do drugs or participate in risky behavior that could put himself in harm, and they dress hard core punk (yes, I looked up what it meant!) Not to stereotype either, but he does wear a lot of black. I’m from a rural farm town so I tend to have more of the country girl look going on. The reason I have no way of knowing if he’s even interested is because he’s not going to make a pass at his friend’s sister out of respect.

I’m stuck about what to do. And I’m not sure how the whole “dating sibling’s friend” rules come in to affect and what they are. Hell, I’m not even that good at or experienced with dating. The only boyfriend I’ve had was my childhood friend. We hung out every day after school, and then when we got older just started dating. I already knew him so there was none of the “getting to know each other, flirting” phase because we’ve been friend since kindergarten. I don’t know what to do about my brother. I can’t just tell him I like his friend, that would be a bit forward. Also, he might getting freaked out and not invite me to anymore concerts with him and the friend. Or…maybe he would be glad I’d be with someone he obviously approves. My brother and I are surprisingly close for siblings. He is one of my best friends and whoever I end up dating; I’d like my date and brother to get along. He never really liked my boyfriend from home. Is there a casual way I could say something to the fact that I thought his friend was a great guy, I can’t believe he’s single, I wish I could meet someone as cool as him, ect? Even though my brother and I are close friends, we tend not to talk about dating experiences. For example, he lived with his girlfriend for a year and then she moved out. He never told the family, we just assumed they broke up. Then later on he was going to concerts with the girl and I finally asked him if they were still dating (which they weren’t). Not that it’s any of my business, I just wanted to know.

I’m not sure of the dating rules when or how I could even get a shot with him, but if you have any suggestions or advice I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks.

8 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I have dated my brother's friends before and found it to be a pretty big mistake each time. Doesn't mean it wouldn't work out with you. BUT I really don't think it matters how old you are, blood is thicker than water. Especially if he decides he doesn't approve of it. But if you want to pursue something with this guy, talk to your brother about it. I know you have a right to do whatever you want but I think you have a good conscience and it will work out with honesty. Sounds like a nice guy, so don't let him get away.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well my answer will not be as long as the question. Lol, but I think he sounds like an amazing guy, and about the whole- not dating siblings friends- i think that's high school-ish...and besides who cares, if ya like him, right? Then I say you should go for it. Nothing of anything good can come without taking a few risks in life=]...that doesn't mean, go right out and ask im out..cause if your more into the "guy asks girl out" then just flirt with him like you never have.. give him clear hints. And make sure it's something you haven't done around him, so he knows or see's the hint. Also! Don't be flirty with him around your brother..that might make BOTH feel awkward. But also make sure you see the responding hints he gives "you".

    It's definitely good if your brother trusts this guy and knows him well...but even if he's your brothers friend, he might not like you dating him...guys do act different around their guy friends then when there with girls... not that this is the case...just a possibility.

    Anyway, I really think you should go for it...go do some flirting XD

    Hope this helps=) if not, ma bad

    ~Good Luck!~

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  • 1 decade ago

    Similar situation? I've developed feelings for my best friend's sister, who is the daughter of an assistant principal who is like a father to me. She's 15, I'm 18. I've got to wait patiently until she's a little older; she's become a best friend to me, and is also a straight-edge. Everybody tells me she and I have a connection that makes them think I should ask her out.

    Anyway, if he likes you, then you need to show him it! The friend barrier is hard to break, and I'm sure will be especially hard to break in my case. Go for it! Drop those inhibitions, because I have it on good authority that some of the best partners are people you've known for years as a friend. Hope that helped!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    DAM !! that's the longest question i have EVER seen on here. u might have set a record

    and all i can say is that kind of situation can get kinda sticky (complicated)

    sure im only in high school but the rules are basically the same and i have had a couple of my bros sisters crushing on me. i even liked some of them back but the general guy rule is to try to stay away from that because the Friend comes first. so if i met my bro first and then crushed on his sister i would still stay away from that cause it would jeopardize me and my bros friendship

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Wow there... too muck info!!! :D

    U look like an awesome chick, Rock + Sports (Soccer) + ethics... i mean will u marry me? ;)

    Seriously, if u're that much into him, you need to let him know.

    There are two ways to doing this:

    Either u tell ur brother that u have feelings for his friend.. and he'll help u out.... Or, u go straight to this dude, and clear things out... Do not forget, just don't be too demanding as guys fear this... just tell him that u like him, and that u have a tiny crush on him... and walk away... he'll handle the rest! it's d guy's job ;)

    Good Luck

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well i don't think you should date your brothers friend. The reason is you will be putting your brother in an awkward situation if you and his friend ever have a disagreement or if you have a conflict, this would and could very well hurt your brother. Have you thought about asking your brother how he would feel about it? If not and you really feel strong about this, confide in your brother. And then examine your situation and risks of ruining other relationships for this new one. Ask yourself is it worth it? or will I be happy if I date him? Think clearly before pursuing him.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You ever heard the term "keep it short and sweet."

    You can date your brothers friend, but did you really need to write about your brothers ex-girlfriend?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    well jsut tell him clearly and calmly

    i didnt read yany of your lines

    how long DID you take to write all of this?

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