anya asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 decade ago

Why wont my Chinese boyfriend introduce me to any of his family? I am a white woman/he is 1st gen. american?

We agree we love each other and I feel sad about him hiding me especially since I don't know why. He is first generation Chinese American; is it because I'm white? ps no, I am not ugly:)

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  • Sunnie
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    His family is probably not yet "americanized," and therefore wouldn't support your relationship. He is probably trying to save your feelings.

    If you love one another, and can talk with each other, why haven't you discussed this? I'd just ask him!

  • 1 decade ago

    Yeah, it's because you're caucasian. There're racists in all races and many Chinese people are racist. The ideology goes that a Chinese boy marries a Chinese girl, a Chinese girl may marry a caucasian.

    I have been with my partner for 8 years. I am caucasian and he is a first generation Chinese male. He is an only son. My partner's mother has been quite nasty over the years she has deliberately ostracised me from family get-togethers. She even went so far as to lie to my partner one year about Chinese new year. She asked her son out for a lunch with her - like to a cafe - and he went to meet her, she then took him in her car to their family's Chinese new year celebration. Everyone was there except for me. My partner didn't know that she was planning to do that, and he didn't get up and leave immediately as he should have.

    That night, he and I had words and he stood up to his mother. Sadly, it took me years to realise just how unwanted I was by his mother, she was always pleasant to my face, however, she had done things like this more than once over the years but, being kind hearted, I'd made excuses for her.

    If you intend to marry this man, learn from my mistakes. Set down the ground rules and tell him straight out that he respects you and stands up to his family (probably his mother).

    In Chinese culture, you are the out sider. Chinese people are lovely people, however, it is a fierce competition between you and the mother and the sisters for the son - especially if he's an only son. Talk to any Chinese friends of yours who are female, and they'll confirm what both me and the guy above have told you.

    - Pepper.

  • 5 years ago

    I'm actually dealing with this now as well... I am dating an Asian man and my family does not approve at all (neither does his family).. it's really hard meeting opposition on both sides but your family needs to understand that relationships are relationships and if they love you, they'll let you make your own decisions... tell them your feeling. Of all the people to feel uncomfortable around, it should not be your family. And you and your brother the only children? They might think that you are the one to "continue the African American side of your family." My brother is dating a Caucasian woman and they said they were looking for me to continue the family's legacy -_- .. you have to understand that they are from a different generation and do not always feel the way the same as our generation does. It could also be that you are the daughter in the family :-S.... hope this helps. Just tell them how you feel :)

  • 1 decade ago

    Er, chinese immagrant families tend to be......more..judging than others. They may not show it but you can feel it. And it also depends on his age. Anything before 30 and he'll be judged like a piece of meat. I knowk cause I myself am a teenage chinese male taht is first generation canadian.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    In Chinese culture you are a barbarian.

    His family is from the Middle Kingdom, and you will always be a barbarian in their eyes (as all non-Chinese will be).

    As someone stated earlier, he is probably trying to spare your feelings.

  • 1 decade ago

    i would figure they are a tradional family, and so yes, it'd be because you are white.

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