How to stop thinking(or caring) about ex who cheated?
My ex and I were dating for 2 years,(we are both 22) and broke up 4 months ago.
He started hanging out with new friends a few month before we broke up, and that was when he started acting weird...
He always had to "leave early because we got gig tonight" (he is a big rock fan and his new friends had band..)
Because I wanted him to spend time with friends as much as possible, I never complained about it.
From around the same time, everytime he gave me a compliment about anything, it sound like he was comparing me to someone else...like "yeah...you ARE beautiful", "You ARE someone they wanna hire.." "You ARE a good girl.." "You ARE smart..". Once we were having dinner at a restaurant, not talking much(we could enjoy silence too)..I looked at him and he said "Oh..sorry...no...I don't need to be sorry...we don't NEED to talk..we are enjoying having each other, right?" Looking back, he REALLY WAS comparing me to someone else.
One night he canceled our date (I'd say..he ditched me..) Because it happened often, I finally said "we need to talk later".
He was all scared and came to my house right away though I said "just hang out with friends tonight. We'll talk later". I explained him why I had never complained. And I told him I started feeling like he was taking advantage of it....He cried. I never thought he'd ever cry...
A month later, he did the same thing. He ditched me again, and said he'd call me at night but he didn't.
When we talked again he said "we should stop seeing each other" crying. he said "I can't give you anything right now. I really wish I met you in other stage of my life...You care about me, and not yourself...I don"t deserve you. Letting you go is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life...Please dont hate me..." He said he'd call me a week later, because he had to "think something straight". guess what happend....nothing! He didnt't call me, or answered the phone or anything.
Later, his parents (we are still close) told me he had "other girl". They said he told them "I love her(me..)with all my heart. I didn't want to hurt her!". They also asked him if he loved me that much, what about the "other girl". He said she's just a friend(with..benefits, of course. music and sex). The girl took his phone with her and went home the night he said he'd call me. Later she put comment on his myspace page that she was "trying to get into his pants"...knowing I'd see it.how mean is that???
I can't believe anything anymore...I feel so so sooooo stupid. He used the time that I gave for him to spend time with his "friends", to cheat on me. Am I a loser for believing him and not noticing what was going on behind my back? Is everything he said lie???Was the crying acting?
It has been months but I can't stop thinking about it. The first thing I think about when I woke up is the fact that he cheated on me.I saw him at school a few time. I tried to act normal. He never said sorry. Everything was because he "changed". He actually looks like different person now...he was thin before, but now he's stick skinny, and he got long hair now...
What he did was wrong. I know. But when he was with me, he was really the sweetest guy who studied and worked hard. I shouldn't love him anymore. I know. I know it's over. I know I can't love him like I used to after all he've done to me. But I still care about him...Is this wrong? I can't help worrying about him getting skinny.He even gave up this internship he was so excited to apply for.
All I'm thinking is "WHY?". I am living my life.I'm doing what I need to do. I go out with my friends too. But for 4 months, I can't stop thinking about him. I know this is because we had bad end. If only he didn't lie to me, things were much easier for me. If he really loved me, and didn't want to hurt me, why could he let it happen? I can't help thinking those meaningless "what if "s. Someone please give me advise. I have to stop caring about him..I don"t know how.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I'm sorry, it always sucks when you have been in a relationship that long and then you break up because of him cheating. It sounds like to me that he got into drugs. When I was younger I was friends with a metal band and all we did was blow and a bunch of other crazy stupid things. He probably cheated on you on accident but then it kept on spiralling down because he kept going to his friends' house all the time. It takes time to get over someone but my best advice is to find another guy. It always worked for me. I am suprised though that you guys dont talk anymore friend wise. But if that girl/bitc* is still around him I'm sure she has a good hold on him. If your up to it, talk to him at school just smile or say hi. Then you can take it from there and get closure. Good Luck!!!
- 1 decade ago
wow! this is the longest "question" i've seen yet!!!
I know that you wrote all this because you are really hurt and I hope you at least feel better for venting...I've definitely been in your shoes.
To just answer your main question...
Think of it this way...This guy CHEATED on you. He literally lied about anything he ever said to you. People who love someone DONT CHEAT. PERIOD! Imagine him telling that other person all the things he told you once. Imagine him kissing her, touching her...or whatever else he did. Do you think he was thinking of you in that moment? NOPE! He did not care about you, your relationship or anything he ever said to you.
I could go on and on because, like you, I'm passionate about this, but I hope it helped. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. If he cheated he's probably worthless anyways!
What I said might be harsh but put yourself first and dont let anyone manipulate you. I saw that you said he cried...a man will say anything or do anything (like cry) to get out of a bad situation.
Hope this helps...
You deserve better:)Source(s): i've been screwed over too...=(
- 1 decade ago
First off, did he tell you he cheated on you? because his parents could of said that because they didnt like you (no offense) I think u need to get both sides of the story. Now to answer the main question my bf cheated on me too and I was so bitter at him that that's what helped me get over him, but the main thing that got me over him was not seeing him for months. Even to this day it's been a year since I've seen him. So I think if u separate yourself from him the feelings will go away
- Anonymous1 decade ago
The answer is difficult to explain. It would blow ur mind. Its a stereo type society problem more than a localized individual issue. Tho by the way he changed his look and hair, his crying was probably genuine.
When deception is as high as the clouds (not just ur ex's deception but other societal deception), you really have to fly above them in order to see clearly. But flying above them takes courage and the dicipline to think first inside....:-1 the box...then outside.
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- BELIEVE®Lv 41 decade ago
These 2 are words are intertwined and necessary but 1 would work on its own. Time and a different lover, over time you learn about this new person and start falling for them, leaving no room for the ex. The other option is over time all wounds heal, but time without a new lover is slow and painful.
- 1 decade ago
Well theres a few things you can do... One think of the fact that u really loved her she was the one that didnt even care your feelings were hurt.. Just the fact that he didnt care if your feellings were hurt... Dont let this slow u down tho... if u think about him just rember he doesnt care about u and you dont want to like somone that doesnt care about your feelings... Move on and find a guy that will care for u =]Source(s): experiance
- Anonymous5 years ago
Sounds like he is controlling and jealous and possibly trying to keep you in check in case the thing with the married woman doesnʻt work out. Stop talking to him, accepting his calls etc. He should get the hint at that point that you donʻt care and want nothing to do with him and itʻs none of his business what you do with your life.
- 1 decade ago
I'd say don't stop caring. Confront him. Not aggressively, but sternly, and honestly. Tell him he hurt you, and since you're wondering, ask him why.
I don't have much experience when it comes to cheating, but just like anything else, it won't truly go away until it's faced.
My advice is, clear the air with him.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I have sisters that is in the same situation. You just have to suck it up and keep moving foward, and everyone has there own life to live! You will be shook up for a little bit, but just bare with it and it will eventually go away!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
do you have 100% proof that he had sex with this other girl while you were going out?
anyway i think you should go talk to him and see what he has been upto. that will satisfy your need to see if he is okay. after that if you want to remain friends thats okay, i remained friends with my ex's and it is possible. if not you are going to have to forget him and do your own thing. it will be painful.
Let me ask you a question?
if he came upto you and asked you back would you say yes or no?
i think you still love him imo.