resmjs1 asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 1 decade ago

How do mommies do it all?

Every day I feel like I don't have enough hours in the day to do EVERYTHING. I have two sons (5 years and 5 months) and I feel like I'm neglecting my oldest, because I'm constantly busy. Busy taking care of the baby, doing laundry, doing dishes, picking up after him and my husband. I only work a couple of days a week, but I get NO help from my husband with the housework and I'm not going to. He helps with the baby some, he will do a load of laundry now and then, but he will not put it up. He does cook a lot, but forget about him cleaning up the god-awful mess he makes while doing it.

How do you all do it? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only mommy on earth that can't get it together.

Update:

I have talked to him several times over the years. He just sits there, doesn't say a word. I've tried throwing his stuff out on the lawn, making him do his own laundry (he just started throwing mine in with it and ruined a pair of satin pajamas) and piling all his stuff up on the floor on his side of the bed, but he just steps on it. But, he's one of the hardest working people I know...he is very handy and knows how to do everything...he's just always busy helping everyone else out that needs something done.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Oh goodness. You sound like me and your husband sounds like mine! The difference is, I only have one child and I don't work AT ALL anymore outside of the home because I couldn't keep up with it all. So I don't know how you do it!

    First of all, you are doing the best you can. I am sure both of your sons know that you love them. Just telling your 5 year old and giving him a hug and kiss as you walk by with a load of laundry will make him feel better.

    Second of all, don't let your husband make you feel guilty. My husband works a very physically demanding job, but that is no excuse for the messes he leaves at home. You've got to put your foot down and tell him that you are exhausted, and if he wants the house to be more orderly and wants his clothes clean and hung up, he's gonna have to compromise with you. Yes, I am in the process of the same thing with my husband now. I think it takes time for some men to take on more responsibility, especially if they are used to having things done for them. It is a slow process but he's learning. Hopefully yours will too.

    Good luck. You are an amazing mother!

  • 1 decade ago

    I can't do it all... no way. I have four kids (6 months, 2, 4, 6) and I am homeschooling the 6 year old. She's only Kindergarten (missed the cutoff in my state) and is already reading books. My 4 year old wants to learn to read as well, so that is more time out of the day. I am up from dawn to well into the night and never sit down. My house is not as tidy or clean as I would like it. The laundry piles up, the dishes sometimes don't get done until after the kids are in bed if we are having a busy day. I work part-time and have to drag the kids with me much of the time. My husband is rarely home with the new business he is starting (it's a 24 hour business) and he comes home to shower every couple days (yes, he stinks!). During times in the past when he was home, he doesn't lift a finger to help with anything.

    So, you are not alone. But, when you look back on life, this time will be a little blip. The house will eventually be clean, the laundry will subside. Let it not get done and enjoy the kids while they still want to hang around with you.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It won't hurt anyone to wear dirty clothes sometimes. It won't hurt to use paper plates sometimes. Heck, make sandwiches and skip plates altogether. Serve cereal for supper once in a while, or popcorn and apple slices. Kids don't know that you're doing that because you're going nuts, they think it's a treat.

    I used to feel exactly like you. Eventually, my depression got much worse and I couldn't avoid getting help any longer. I glad I survived that season of my life. Honestly, we all struggle. The difference is that some of us have learned that the housework won't go anywhere, but the children will. A freshly mopped floor is not important, but one more story is extremely important.

    Get a sling so you can do some light housework and tend baby at the same time. When you sit to nurse baby, read stories to your older child. Leave the dirty dishes in the sink and go outside and play with sidewalk chalk. Honestly, dirty clothes are not that bad. Some kids can get a few days out of a pair of jeans, especially if you don't mind the spot where he dropped some macaroni yesterday.

    Find someone to help you through this. I've said exactly the same things before, and I ended up in a very bad place. Whether you need formal counseling or just a friend who will listen and let you cry about it, get some help. It's not a luxury; it's a necessity. You'll be OK, but you have to give yourself a break.

  • 1 decade ago

    Oh my goodness- I swear we must be married to the same man. I'm in the same boat as you- I work a few days a week (3-4), a few hours a day.

    I used to get SO mad because of the way he is (always willing to go above and beyond at his job and for other people, but not always for me or the house). Now, I've just set myself a daily schedule that I pretty much stick to. For me, getting everything done doesn't take forever- I just had to get organized and get on a schedule. I used to go to bed at night with dirty dishes piled in the sink, laundry EVERYWHERE, etc. That doesn't happen hardly at all anymore. I'm not sure what your work schedule is, so your situation may not permit scheduling time for everything. I'm fortunate enough to work at home 2 days a week, so I don't have any commute time- plus, I only work around 3-4 hours a day.

    If things get really bad, just take a break for a while. Just say "Yes, the house is a mess. Yes, there are a million things that need to be done. But, for my own sanity, I'm taking some me time to breathe." It really helps.

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  • Flower
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I don't do it all. I do what I can because there is no way I can get all that I want to get done or schedule to do because something will always come up. I have a 7 year old and a 8 month old... I to feel as though I am neglecting my oldest because I am too busy taking care of the little one and doing house chores or my wifely duties. My Husband helps when he can, sometimes I feel it's not much but I am appreciative no matter what because he doesn't sit there and let me do it all on my own. He does his share and I am grateful. When it's just too much and I need a break he is there to hold the fort because without a break I would go insane, but without my family I would go insane... gosh it just doesn't matter, it's a job I just have to do over and over and it's not so bad. Life is grand as it is just as long as my Husband is being the loving Husband he is and my children being as adorable as they are.

  • 1 decade ago

    You are not the only one who feels there are not enough hours! I have two kids, 2.5 and 1.5 year old. They were born 1 year and 4 days apart, and I feel like my house is a circus! But I just make sure I tend to the kids first, and leave the dishes and laundry for when they go to bed. I obviously have to cook and when they were younger wash and sterilize bottles, but other than the real important stuff, I do nothing but tend to the kids all day. They grow up so fast and are just growing and changing and learning so quickly, that I love the time I get to spend with them. I do happen to be very blesses though in that me and my husband both work for his parents in their business, so we are able to alternate hours so one of us is always home with the kids, and that once they go to bed at night, we can tackle chores together. Even with this help I still feel like I am running a circus, but it's fun and I just enjoy every minute of it!

  • kel
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Please dont feel like your the only one, my house is like a circus, we are pretty much in the situation, I have 4 children (5,3,22mon,and 2mon) and I only work 3 days out of the week but I still just cant seem to get it together, I mean what is a schedule?lol. I try to tidy up during the day but really what is the point? I find it best to wait until the kids are asleep and do the real cleaning then, and all that does is makes it fresh for them to start the next day lol good luck and you are not alone

  • 1 decade ago

    Talk to your husband about it and tell him how stressed you are. Mine was the same way, he cooks but would never clean up the mess. I finally got tired of it all and sat down and talked with him about it and told him how stressed I was. He started doing more, now if we cooks he has to clean the mess and if I cook I clean the mess. When he gets off work he changes every other diaper. Helps with the laundry. Took a lot of stress off of me. It's not that hard as long as everyone picks up after they are done w/ what they had out. Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    Yeahhhhhhhhhh I don't do it all! LOL I'm only human!! I'm lucky some days if I even wear real clothes and not just PJs, let alone get all my housework done... Oh well. I'd rather do what I can and have some sanity and time to spend with my husband and daughter! :)

    **I'm sorry you're having problems with your husband. I think if you can make it clear to him how much you DO appreciate him, and how hard he works for others, then ask him to help at home FIRST, maybe that can help??? Good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    i don't know if this will help, but this is what i did when i was in that exact situation.

    i left for a one-week business trip. just dropped everything, just like that. of course, i secretly stressed the whole week while i was away, but i fought the urge to call home and check up on my family.

    a week later...i come home to my kids (5 and 7) clean and well-fed, and my husband (still wearing an apron from doing the dishes) happily hugging me at the door. and inside, it was spick and span! everything was in its place. and there was food on the table! apparently, my hubby did a whole lot of cooking while i was away.

    so reality check: i was actually hogging all the responsibility so my hubby let me. i was always controlling the situation so he backed off.

    so maybe if you jump ship for a moment, maybe your husband will wise up and feel more responsible for the home, too. plus, you get a bit of R&R destressing for yourself. it's a win-win situation! try it. :)

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