Hiding my feels from everyone?
im a very shy/quiet person and its hard for me to open up to people even with my family like if im on the internet looking something up i will close the window if they come in and when im with my friends i always laugh/smile all the time so they wont think im sad...sometimes i snap at people that do little things then afterwards i feel bad for being a jerk 2 them. sometimes when my emotions get out of control i cut myself because i just dont know/want people to know how im feeling i guess..my mom found out i cut so she brang me to a psychologist and
he gave me lexapro...so yeah will u think that will help me? and how can i let people in instead of shutting everyone out its like i dont anyone to know me. my dad use 2 beat me and hit me with stuff even wood once and i was molested when i was younger by this spanish guy in the neighbor hood..also what do you guys think i suffer from? btw i hate myself like whenever i look in mirror i say bad things in my head like ppl say im skinny and girls say im cute but i look at myself and think im fat and ugly and i also hate my voice very much so i never speak
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
what it sounds like to me is post traumatic stress disorder, depression and low self-esteem coupled with some serious trust and self-worth issues.
lexapro is a great start, if it is the right medication for you. sometimes anti-depressants take a few tries to get right, but lexapro is most used in teenage cases. in 2-3 weeks the medication should lift up your mood and start to help with managing your emotions.
in the meantime and even after the meds are working, i highly suggest finding a therapist to talk to weekly at least. tell this person about the physical and sexual abuse. tell them about the negative self-talk in your head. tell them how you have to close the computer window and how you don't talk or like to the look of yourself. and begin to work through all these issues (and others that come up as result) so that you can heal and live a life of happiness and success.
i know how hard it can be to open up and to deal with things. it's way easier to maladapt with cutting or other devices. what i have learned is the only way to get through things; to make them managable, is to talk about them. let it out with words; not by hurting yourself or disregarding your emotions.
i'm 18 and have been depressed since i was 9. when i was 12 i developed anorexia and at the age of 14 i was finally diagnose for bipolar though the onset of that disorder came at age 6. i was also diagnosed with anxiety and ocd and after a few sexually related encounters this year, i've been working through post traumatic stress disorder. it's been a long road of abusing myself through self-harm and suicide attempts, starvation and alcohol abuse; and of hurting those around me by withdrawing and growing sicker and sicker. but after numerous hospitilizations and programs, i've been able to open up, take my meds and not hurt myself to feel better.
there is hope. it's hard and it's a long road and it's not going to come quickly. but it can be better than it is now. start to trust and open up and things will unfold.
feel free to e-mail me with any questions.
- 1 decade ago
I can totally relate to the way you are feeling. I am very shy too, and find it hard to open up even to my best friends. I used to cut too but my parents never found out about it, although I wish they would have. It would have been nice to have the love and support that you were shown.
Take advantage of your psychologist. They are there to help, and the majority of them have very good advice to give. Just keep your chin up and things will get better.
- drabantLv 44 years ago
I cannot say there may be whatever incorrect with you. But in all instantly out honesty I was once identified with despair and to be entirely sincere with you I felt the equal approach that you simply do. Maybe you must check out speakme to a college councilor or ask you mother and father should you would speak to a psychiatrist. I'm no longer looking to say that you're depressed or that whatever is incorrect with you. Please do not take it that approach I'm simply telling you from what I went by way of and what could support. Good success.