Ash asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 1 decade ago

My husband and I fight constantly since ive been pregnant. Im 32 weeks ?

PLANNED PREGNANCY for two years finally happend...When i ask him to come to my appointments he makes a big deal about it and sam with my lamas class. My lama class is 4 hours, 2 hours each day. And he doesnt want to go, mostly because it doesnt benefit him. He tells me hes not excited yet for the baby and doesnt know if he loves her because he hasnt met her yet. Am i crazy or is this very unsupportive of my pregnancy? Im honestly starting to get so depressed i cry all the time. It wasnt what i pictured, i thought he would be more excited and more involved. He still has me up at 2AM taking him to work, complaining about me being ona maternity leave (at 8 months pregnant) and still has me do every chore in the house. Hes been only helpful when i need something carried up stairs. He doesnt like picking out ANYTHING for our new daughter to be, and i had 4 babyshowers, one CO ED with beer and tv for the guys and he still didnt come........ I see my friends who are pregnant and their BOYFRIENDS and HUSBANDS are so happy and more involved then my own husband who ive known since first grade, who grew up bein my bestfriend. I feel so neglected... I feel like its me and her(the baby) and he wants to get back in the army, which we are, which means he will deploy, you would think he would want to have more time with me and me being pregnan, but he would rather play his stupid video game and drink beer. IM so hurt... and so tired from crying.hey ells at EVERYTHING i do wrong, even if its so little, like not getting his lunch packed for work, or washing his clothes a certain day, which i DO EVERYDAY, just one time i forgot because IM SO TIRED, and so pregnant... and ive been hacing morning sickness. When im sick or cry, he doesnt even tend to me, he pushes himself away from comforting me. he just akss if im ok, never offers me a glass of gingerale or maybe some soup, he makes me take care of myself, WHICH IS FINE but the feeling of him caring is what I miss...I dont ever sleep and he still makes me get up at 2AM to bring him to work because the parking lot to his work is behind the factory and its "cold out" so he likes being dropped of at the door, not to mention his work is a block away.... we are from maine. but...i just dont know how much i can take until i cry myself out of tears. im so depressed... i have no support and all my friends are gone to college. we are both 21. can you go to lamas classes by yourself? he doesnt want to go with me... and i dont want him there knowing he doesnt want to be, it will only hurt me worse. i know im only suppos to worry about my baby but its hard when my very own husband doesnt want part in my pregnancy...it hurts. not to mention "talking" to him is IMPOSSIBLE...he does not listen and thinks hes always right. and hardly lets me speak...

Update:

to hillary. we arent broke, this was a planned pregnany, we are financially stable, thanks for your support?? if your planning on wroting something crucial like she did im not on here to hear it.

18 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I am so sorry for what you are going through and you deserve better treatment from your husband. This is a special time for you and he should make you feel comfortable and loved. Have you thought about suggesting marriage counseling? It sounds as though that he is just completely ignorant of the situation and he needs to be made aware of how he is treating you and how this is affecting your well being, not just emotionally but physically. If he declines to go to counseling, maybe you should think about staying with family members until he decides to get his act together. You need and deserve to be surrounded by caring, supportive and loving people in your life right now. You are in delicate position and you have put up with his behavior a lot longer than most women would have had. Do you have any close family members you can talk with? I am sure they can offer you great advice and maybe a place to get away from his lack of sincerity for awhile. I wish you the best and take care. Also, if you need someone to talk to, I am good listener. You can email me anytime. Sometimes it helps to vent!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Wow sweetie, that's terrible I am so sorry!!

    I hate to even say this, but did he maybe want a boy more then a girl and some how feels let down or dissapointed that your having a daughter? Not that it would be any reason for him to behave this way, but some of the things you are saying seem to point in the direction of that.

    If I were you I would stop doing all those things for him. He is a grown man, and if he can't help and support his pregnant wife then why should she do all those things for him? Stop getting up a 2 am to drive him a block away, stop making his lunches and doing his laundry. He needs to pitch in too. Tell him you can see this is going no where and you are hurt to the point that you cry all day every day you want to go to counceling (that will trigger something) if he wont listen to you then do you have a place, like a friend or a parents house you can go stay at? All this stress and crying is not healthy for your baby, and maybe he needs to see you away for a bit, to see all the things you do. When the baby is born you are going to have a lot more on your plate. And babysitting him is not going to be first priority.

    Now it is hard on the husband too when the wife is pregnant, sometimes they don't know how to act or what to think, but this coming from a grown man who wanted to have a baby is obscure.

    Have you thought about writing him a letter? Maybe print out your question here and give it to him in a letter format. Maybe he will see how you really feel, if he is not listening to you and you 2 are not discussing this then he really doesn't know how bad you are hurting and how much of an idiot he is being.

    Good Luck hun, I hope this gets better for you soon:)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Your pregnant, your both fighting, he treats you very badly, talking to him is impossible because he always thinks he's right.... is there ANY good part to this relationship? Curious if he was the same way before your pregnancy and thought he might change for the better once you conceived? That much stress is not good for a anyone, especially a pregnant woman. Is there anyone you can stay with to get yourself a bit more relaxed and thinking clearer? I have no idea if he will change when your daughter is born or not, unlikely to get better actually. Newborns demand a lot of your attention and strapping the baby into a carseat at 2am to drive his a$$ to work is whats coming next. You have to really sit and think if this is what you want. Is this how you want to raise your little girl? Even the best of relationships get strained with a newborn in the home.

    Its sad and very unfortunate, you can't force him to be interested in the pregnancy. You know the situation best. Be with supportive family or friends right now, see a councellor yourself if he won't go.

    Basically if he is determined not to change you have to be willing to live that way or change your situation.

    I'm soo sorry your going through this.

  • 1 decade ago

    Some men become detached while their wife or significant other are pregnant Im 23 weeks pregnant ive been with my partner for 4 1/2 years and he doesnt come to an appointment with me he doesnt even want to be in the delivery room he says he dont want to see me that way at first he wouldnt even touch me we havent had sex since June but things have been getting better I must say hes starting to ease up he likes to rub the belly still wont go to appointments hes afraid of fatherhood hes afraid he wont measure and be the best dad he can and thats why hes not accompanying me to anything but he needs to realize thats the first step to being a great father is supporting your signifigant other in all her pregnancy adventures. Good luck I think he will come around if not now when the baby comes.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I've been there in two pregnancies. Men are idiots. They are scared and don't know how to express themselves. He wants you to be able to do everything the same, so he wont feel bad for you, or feel like the baby is going to change the way you take care of him. A lot of it unfortunately is your hormones are raging out of control. Talk to your doctor and see if there is anything safe for you to take for now. And I would definitely pay attention to how you are feeling after-wards I had postpartum depression and didn't even know it, until I damn near had a nervous breakdown. You have to take good care of yourself right now, its hard. Just pray that once he sees that babies face it will all change. As for lamaze, if you have a friend ask them, if not i wouldn't worry about it too much. I would just take a child birthing class, it tells you what to expect when, when you can and cant have drugs, what the effects are etc. Good luck to u sweetie and feel free to email me if you want to talk more

    Source(s): lots of personal experience
  • 1 decade ago

    I'm sorry hon, that's got to be impossible to deal with. I'm lucky? In a sense I suppose, my ex boyfriend decided he wanted to be with another girl 2 months after we found out I was pregnant. So I don't have him on my nerves, but also, I have to worry about everything on my own. So in my eyes, I think your kind of lucky to not have the entire financial situation on your shoulders. But I can understand about feeling tired, and lonely, and just...gross during pregnancy. I live with my younger brother, and that is worst than living with a significant other sometimes. He loves to tell me how horrible I sound when I breathe and he really does think he's always right. Maybe it's a guy thing I don't know. All I can tell you is...that eventually it'll be time to have the baby. And everything should change, if he wants to be a baby, maybe you should see if you can stay with your mother or a friend for a few days. Just tell him that your stressed out and it's stressing the baby out. I hope everything gets better for you. And I really hope you find a place to..."time out"

    Source(s): 36 weeks pregnant. And alone too : (
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    First of all, he is acting like a baby and he is being inconsiderate and selfih. As for taking him to work at 2 am. WTH, does he realize how dangerous that is for you to be out at 2 AM by yourself? I'd put my foot down about that right now. Tell him you need your rest and that when the baby comes you will be damned if you will take her out at 2 am to drive him a block to work so he'd better start doing it now.

    Having said that.... my hubby really sucked with my first pregnancy. We tried for almost 2 years and when it finally happened I was thrilled and he was uneffected. I got sick and had to be in the hospital...he just dropped me at the door. He acted like it was no big deal when I got sick ( and I did all the time). He refused to feel the baby kick because he said it was gross and he only went to the class because his life was threatened. However, the moment our son was born my uneffected husband started crying uncontrollably. He spent the next week crying at the drop of a hat..it was a little embarrassing. The next 2 pregnancies he was way more hands on. I think for a lot of men it isn't real for them until it is real. They don't feel the overwhelming love for the baby that we do until they actually see their child and it hits home for them. The unborn baby is just too abstract for them to really feel what we feel and sometimes they fear something going wrong and they don't want to go all in when they think something will go wrong. I know it's weird because we pee on the stick and suddenly love our babies but they don't get to carry the new life so they just don't get it. He does need to straighten up and show some respect to you but don't give up yet let him see her and I'll bet he will feel the over whelming joy and love you already feel.

  • 1 decade ago

    WOW girl I at first want to say Run don't walk RUN from this but then I need to ask , why are you doing what you are ? He is an adult he can most certainly do all those things for himself and help you out too . I think you need to ask yourself if you honestly think this will change when you have your daughter . If he is not there now helping you what is he gonna do when you bring her home ? You do need to look after yourself right now more than ever , YOU and YOUR baby are first and foremost the most two important people right now .

    Perhaps your hubby is scared and unsure of if he will be as good a dad as he hopes , but it ultimately is no excuse as to how he is treating you . You might need to consider other options for your future , but asking your husband why he has suddenly developed a case of cold, cruel , and uncaring toward you right now is important to . Perhaps he is just now realizing how much your life is going to change now , maybe somewhere inside he thought you'd never have kids after trying for 2 years . There are many possibilities but do ask him give him some benefit of doubt , BUT do be careful and Realistic you might be in this on your own .. I wish you good luck , happiness and good health to you and your baby girl .

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Aww hun. Im sorry. But he is prrobably being this way cause he probably feels like his life has come to an "end" no more going out with the boys or anything. But that is not being very supportive about him not wanting to go to ur classes cause it doesnt benefit him. And the fact that he didnt go to the co ed baby shower kind of worries me. Do you think maybe he is messing around. Try not to stress so much about it though because it can hurt the baby. Hopefully he will come around. Maybe suggest that you to go to maybe some counseling or something. But by the sounds of it i doubt he will want to. You need to try to talk to him about it all. And make him listen! Its very important.

    Im so sorry and I really hope everything works out for you.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    I really think that staying in a bad relationship for the child is a terrible thing. Yes, it's good that the child has both parents, but you can't hide the fighting forever. Things won't get better after it's born either. Your husband isn't going to magically fall in love with you forever because you have his child. If it gets worse, or doesn't get better, you may want to really reconsider what's important to you. You might also want to consider that you are both under a tremendous amount of stress right now. Even if you aren't I'm sure he is.

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