shek hau asked in 社會及文化語言 · 1 decade ago

請問呢句句子有咩問題?請解釋及更改..謝謝

Lucy Tan, the new Marketing Officer, explained the proposel to Judy Allen, the Marketing Manager, but she was not happy with it.

5 Answers

Rating
  • Baggio
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The sentence has some confusion on who is who.

    “but she was not happy with it” – the “she” here should be Judy Allen, right? But we cannot be confirmed when reading your sentence. Therefore may be you can change according to following points :

    - use presented instead of explained, because normal present a proposal to someone.

    - Proposal, not proposel

    - Use “the latter” (後者) to replace the “she”.

    - Use “satisfied” to replace “happy”

    So the sentence will be changed to :

    Lucy Tan, the new Marketing Officer, presented the proposal to Judy Allen, the Marketing Manager, but the latter was not satisfied with it.

    Source(s): Myself
  • K
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    (the new Marketing Officer) 是 non defining clause, 之前的 comma 不可省略.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    太多commas ,

    寸錯proposel

    改 proposal

    用explained好似不太好, 解釋(一般係犯錯後解釋),而proposal是建議,一般係第一次

    所以我会用elaborate比較型d

    改為

    Lucy Tan the new Marketing Officer, elaborated the proposel to Judy Allen the Marketing Manager, but she was not happy with it.

    2008-11-04 01:10:10 補充:

    manageress 現在已經很少人用

    可能是女權運動影響, 工作間要男女平等, 或者要讀多個音不方便吧

    2008-11-04 01:19:20 補充:

    002 用presented最貼切,最常用的

    但我就唔仲意個latter字, 因為整句子很清楚she 係指Judy Allen

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Lucy Tan, the new Marketing Officer, explained the -proposal - (Xproposel-wrong spelling) to Judy Allen, the Marketing Manager, but she was not happy with it.

    The only mistake is a spelling one ie proposal instead of proposal.

    In the last part- but she was not happy with it- there should not be the problem of who is who for a logical reader. Obviously it is the manager who was not happy with the proposal made by her subordinate officer.

    It is a good, precise and concise sentence describing who did what in a logical way.

    2008-11-03 07:05:42 補充:

    Mistake : proposal instead of proposel

    2008-11-08 03:34:53 補充:

    A proposal is presented to the customers, at a seminar etc.

    Here, the officer EXPLAINED it to the boss, ie the manager. (before the team presents the proposal later). The word 'explained' is appropriate in this situation.

    Source(s): own, own
  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • As
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Hi,

    1) Check the spelling of " proposal".

    2) Judy Allen is a woman. Do use" manageress ".

    That's it.

    :)

    Bye for now.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.