Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

Why do some people not forgive? isn't it the right thing to do - forgive if someone realizes and apologizes?

why hold what they did against them forever? people can be truly sorry and strive to change i feel.

how would they feel if not forgiven.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think it's dependent on what your referring to. Some things are unforgivable, the pain just stays. And people's definition of what forgiveness is often varies, for some it's not about saying what was done will ever be ok, but letting go of the pain to move on with their life.

  • 1 decade ago

    This is a really good question. I think when you forgive someone, your not only forgiving their actions but you are forgiving what they may have made you feel. For example, My ex-husband lied to me about everything. The actions were easy enough to forgive. However, the resentment and the mistrust that stayed with me throughout the rest of the relationship was the hardest thing to forgive. Forgiving him was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. He still thinks he did nothing wrong. That made it even harder. People can truly be sorry, don't lose faith in people. I don't think i made much sense. Oh well, it felt good to say it though. Happy Halloween!

  • kinkel
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Why Do People Not Forgive

  • 1 decade ago

    Forgiveness doesn't mean they have to reconcile. For instance if a partner cheated and they ask forgiveness the partner may forgive without continuing the relationship and choosing to stay friends. Sometimes in the case of an affair the unthinkable isn't remaining in love but continuing intimacy without having to think about the partner and the other person.... Talking from experience here!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I honestly won't forgive someone for hurting me. Forgiving someone for their mistakes is like accepting them to do it all over again. I also believe forgiving MIGHT be the right thing to do but in my case I have serious trouble letting go of things. I tend to hold a big grudge when someone does something bad to hurt me. I don't think people are ever truly sorry for their actions and just say they are sorry just to aleviate themselves from the guilt. If so many people know they will say sorry or apoogize for something they've done then why hurt someone in the first place.

  • 1 decade ago

    I forgive even though the person often doesn't ask for forgiveness for the simple reason that I treat people the way I want to be treated, not as I deserve to be treated. I want people to forgive me, so I forgive everyone. It is a very freeing way to live. Holding a grudge is hard work and it hurts no one but me if I hold onto it. Most times, people don't even know we are having resentment and unforgiveness towards them and go happily about their business, so why should we not just forgive them? Letting go is the way to go:)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Perhaps they are competitive and feel they have won a kind of competition. They think that forgiving the loser lowers that "honor" a little.

    Just remind them of being the "bigger person." Sometimes I am like this, and I remembered this phrase a couple days ago. I think it has something to do with wanting the last word. Saying, "I forgive you because I'm the bigger person" while someone else still holds a grudge makes a competitive person feel...noble i guess.

    Yea, it's kind of strange, but that's the way a good number of people are (including me).

  • Carly
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    well it all depends on what you feel

    like lets say for example someone killed one of your closest relatives

    the murderer realizes what he/she did was wrong and apologizes..thats definitly not something i could easily forgive and even if you do come to an agreement with yourself that you have forgiven that person there might always be that resentment for the pain theyve caused you and the family member you may have lost...its not always easy to forgive someone especially if theyve caused you a great deal of pain but one should never hold grudges because it does no good to anyone

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I personally do not forgive becausee if they are truly sorry then they should be sorry enough to accept therepercussionss of their actions. Besides, if a person is forgiven they are going to think its ok to mess up in the future

    Source(s): personal experience
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