Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

Jokes??? Any funny jokes!!!?

If you have a funny joke that will make me laugh or anyone at my school. (including friends, teachers, etc) that would be great! i am the class clown or the school and im running out of jokes. i just want some more so if you have any jokes at all just let me know.

thank you

18 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    *Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?

    Teacher: no, of course not.

    Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.

    *What is defference between man and Superman?

    Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

    *Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window.

    *How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

    His lips are moving.

    *Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

    Professional courtesy.

    *Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window.

    blond jokes:

    *A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"

    The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."

    *brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop. "Oh no!" cried the brunette. "Is he following me?" "Yep," replied the blonde.

    "I'm going to drive down this little side road, okay?" said the brunette. "Yep," replied the blonde.

    "Is the cop still following me?" "Yep."

    "Are his lights on?" "Yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope..."

    other;

    *A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."

    She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."

    He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

    "Anything."

    His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"

    *Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board.

    One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

    "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."

    So Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    You Know You're A Redneck When... 1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter. 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive. 6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture. 7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. 8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. 9. You come back from the dump with more than you took. 10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. 11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. 12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. 13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower. 14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. 16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. 17. You have a rag for a gas cap. 18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. 19. You wonder how service stations keep their restroom's so clean. 20. You can spit without opening your mouth. 21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. 22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side. 24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart. 25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. 26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. 27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements. 28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back. 29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty. 30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65. 31. If your family tree doesn't branch.....

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  • Joe K
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

    As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

    The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

    Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

    He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

    Hours later the man calls home to his wife:

    "Jen, is the cat there?"

    "Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

    Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a ***** on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"

    Source(s): found at www.ticklemewithjokes.com
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  • 1 decade ago

    Ok, I have one. (it's a bit obscene)

    Ok, so a grandpa and grandson are sitting in their boat out on the lake. They had both of their rods out in the water for a while, when the grandpa pulled out a sandwich. The grandson looked on, and after a few bites, he asked if he could have a bite. The grandpa said,"well, can your D*ck reach your A$$hole?" The boy said no, so the grandpa denied him his bite. About an hour later, the grandpa reached into the cooler and grabbed a soda. The boy asked for one, and yet again, the grandpa repeated himself. A half hour later, the boy pulled a bag of cookies out of his pocket and took a bite out of one. The grandpa said, " Can I have a cookie?" The grandson says," can your d*ck reach your a$$hole?" The grandpa says, "yes", and the grandson says," then go f*ck yourself!"

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  • 1 decade ago

    Q-How do you know if your girlfriend/boyfriend loves you more than your dog?

    A-Lock them both in your trunk for an hour and see who licks your face when you let them out.

    Q-Did the children laugh when the fat lady fell on the ice?

    A-No but the ice sure cracked up.

    The rest of the jokes I know aren't appropriate to say at school! :)

    • ...Show all comments
    • Oscar2 years agoReport

      Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.

      What do you call an Asian DIY enthusiast?
      Ahmed Mashed

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  • 1 decade ago

    ok i have a few...

    1.*A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

    The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

    The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

    Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

    The little girl said, "When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

    The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

    2.There once was a bear& a rabbit that hated each other. One day they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each 3 wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.

    The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.

    The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the U.S. and all the rest were female." And he got his wish.

    The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go w/ that helmet." And he got his wish.

    The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.

    3.there is a young girl in sunday school and her teacher wants to ask her 3 questions

    1. her teacher asked her "who created the earth we live on"

    a boy pokes with a pencil and she yells "god almighty". the teachers says "thats right"

    the next question that the teacher asks her who died on the cross for our sins? the boy pokes her again and she yell "jesus christ". her teacher says "that right"

    3. the last question is. "What did eve says to adam when they were makin babies. the boy pokes her agian and she yells "i swear to god if u poke me with that thing one more time i will break it in half"

    my favorite #3 i hope u can use them

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If you're the class clown, you should know jokes! But that's what she said jokes are always great ;)

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  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

    These are some yo mama jokes

    Yo mama so ugly she made one direction go the other direction

    Yo mama so stupid she got rolled over by a parked car

    Yo mama so small when she smokes weed she can't get high

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    im a huge fan of your mom jokes and fun online pranks...so my answer is gonna be biased.

    a little while back i came across a hilarious prank for your friends, and it never gets old.

    just send them all link on Instant Messages or myspace/facebook, or even just email all of them with:

    http://WhoGoesToCollege.com

    napoleon dynamite jokes own!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Rabbit walks into a bar and orders a cheese toastie the bar man walks over a gives it to him and eats it down straight away

    "that was amazing"said the rabbit "can i have another,I think i will ham this time"

    The barman reteurns with a ham toastie and the rabbit again wolfs it down "tremondous please can i have a chicken toastie"

    the bar man reteurns with the toasite and the rabbit eats it,he then falls to the floor groaning and crying out in pain.The barman says "whats wrong whats wrong?" the rabbit cries out

    "Its a Mix-In-Me-Toasties"

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