Ali
Lv 4
Ali asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 1 decade ago

Grandmother Shower instead of a Baby Shower?

I'm 37 weeks pregnant, and was informed by my Mother that I'm not getting a baby shower. Instead she had a Grandmother Shower for herself and her friends this morning. She said that there is no point in having a Baby Shower for me because no one would show up anyway (basically implying that I have no friends). She was bragging to me this morning over the phone about all the things that she got at her shower and it made me really upset. She's at work right now, so I haven't actually had to speak to her in person, but I'm a little worried about what it's going to be like when she gets home and shows me all the gifts she received.

I'm feeling jealous, angry, and really depressed about this. I'm also feeling really resentful that she took away this special moment for me... but I don't know if I'm being selfish or not. She has done alot for me by letting me and my boyfriend stay with her until we pay down some of our debt and have enough to move out on our own again. I don't know if I have a right to be upset or not, and I don't know if I should confront her about how upset this whole thing has made me or what I should say to her.

Should I say something or just keep my mouth shut? Am I off base here about how I'm feeling? What should I do?

14 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I would definitely say something (but I'm that kind of person), even if it was to my mom. It was a very selfish and rude thing to do to you, she could have had a get together with her friends, but she didn't have to rub it into your face like that. It sounds like she's somewhat jealous of the attention you would get if you had a baby shower.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I don't think your feelings are off base, but you should be careful about how you express them to her, since you're still living in her house.

    When you see the gifts say, "that's great - we were hoping we'd get a car seat" or "we can really use all those cute little sleepers." Make it clear that YOU and your BABY will be using the gifts, and that as parents, you and your boyfriend are in charge of the baby. I would worry that Grandma wants to take over a bit too much.

    If one of your friends wants to give you a shower, accept the offer graciously and invite your mother. Ask for gifts that are different from the ones your mother already got, unless you need more of the same item. Consider having a couples shower - it will double the number of potential guests, and your boyfriend can be in on the fun. You can still have your special moment. She can't take that away from you.

    On the bright side, she is obviously excited to be having a grandchild, and she wants to be of help and support. It would be worse if she didn't want anything to do with it.

  • 1 decade ago

    Considering you're only a few weeks away from giving birth what she did is pathetic and selfish. How on earth did she convince a bunch of friends to come to this 'grandmother shower' let alone bring her gifts, it all sounds a little suspect to me! Are you sure this is true? She could just be bragging or trying to teach you a lesson of some sort but for your own mother to do this is not a sign of a strong relationship. You're not selfish in being upset but don't let this get to you, it's obviously some sort of attention thing, maybe she's insecure about the fact that u won't be there for good? Speak to her and get these issues sorted before baby is born.

  • Me
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Whoa. I have never heard of a thing. And no, you're not being selfish. What does she mean "getting gifts for herself"? Gifts for the baby? If they're for the baby, that's at least some consolation. But it sounds like your mother is on a powertrip with your baby.

    On the other hand, you are staying with your mother, and this gives her the "upper hand", so to speak. It is probably best to keep quiet about this or keep your complaint minimal since you are staying with her rent-free. But you might say, "Mom, my friends might also throw me a baby shower. If they do, I'll be attending that, since you attended the Grandmother Shower."

    Source(s): EDIT--Also, it is YOUR baby. You will be raising him/her. So you should be getting the presents! I'm glad you chose to keep your baby! Good for you. You will never regret that decision as your wonderful little child grows up.
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Your mother is a snobby a-thing-you-put-towards. I can't believe she would do that to you! People like that end up alone. Wait on it a bit. Maybe she is trying to surprise you, in which case I have just ruined the surprise (sorry then, but it's bad for the baby for you to be that peed-off). If she isn't then round up anyone you know and throw your own baby shower at a park. Even if you don't have that many friends, call up anyone you know (or have your boyfriend do it so that you don't have to stress or explain about your mom). Afterwards just say that you forgot to invite her because you figured she'd had enough of showers. My mom is like that too. They're just losers who are jealous or mad or crazy and make themselves feel better at hurting others. Don't take it too personal.

  • 6 years ago

    Best thing I can possibly tell you -- get over it. Your mother is obviously a bit$h. She sounds unbelievably horrible. Just don't let it get to you. You're pregnant. Don't screw up by getting all stressed and hurt and everything -- especially now. Anxiety and stress hormones are not good at all for the baby you are carrying. You just can't do that to your child. It can cause them to have schizophrenia or other mental problems later when they get in older. And I doubt your "mother" is worth worrying about. She sounds just awful -- sorry for you but at least now you know.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Honestly, I suggest you and your boyfriend get he HELL out of there and do NOT let that mother of yours near the baby, unless she changes how she is. She literally sounds unsafe for your baby to be around, and this isolated incident is probably one of many things she's done. When I say she's unsafe, I mean she will probably say things around your child that are damaging and negative about you or your boyfriend...

    I say DO NOT give her power, do NOT say anything, not ONE word to her. If she shows you the gifts, just go, "Oh" and don't say a single word of "that's so nice... those are lovely... etc" just say "oh" and leave it there, walk away and don't really look at the items. Anything more will feed her bizarre behavior.

    Again, get away from her, she sounds NUTS.

  • 1 decade ago

    omg yes you should def say something to her. that's so unfair to you. you are the one that is having the baby now her. she could of invited her friends to your shower and it would of been the same thing. what on earth is a grandmother shower anyway. that's so mean of her. a baby shower is something really special the mom needs to have not the grandmother. you really need to speak to her

  • 4 years ago

    i think of that's slightly unrealistic and might deliver the incorrect message to the travellers. What if some centred visitor take place on an identical time? then you somewhat could have the bottle neck consequence, having centred visitor wait outdoors till the different person is done. additionally the travellers might sense that your sister is merely involved interior the presents incredibly than having buddies and family members have fun this joyous occassion together with her. As a centred visitor, i might sense uncomfortable (rather like being positioned on the spot) if the honoree opened my present proper as quickly as I walked interior the door. yet interior the top, you should do what's nice on your sister. consistent with danger ask her what she might sense delicate with.

  • 1 decade ago

    wow, you have every right to feel the way you do, this is your pregnancy not hers. shes had her own pregnancies with her own baby showers...this is your special time and you deserve the shower, not her, she is being selfish and sounds,like she has some issues....you need to tell her exactly how you feel and tell her how it affected you. i cant believe she would do this to you and then rub it in your face! wow...you are entitled to your feelings and are totally right with the way you are feeling, you deserve a shower and should still have one!!! you def. need to say something to her or it'll drive you nuts!

    Good Luck!

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