? asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

英文歌詞 文法

小弟我第一次寫了一首英文歌詞

但基於小弟我英文不是非常好

所以雖然檢查過很多遍了但還是深怕有地方時態

或是文法使用錯誤

還懇請各位大大幫我個忙

若看到不對或怪怪的地方修正指導一下

另外 這首歌詞的創作靈感是從這個網路小說裡得到的

http://bbs.moninet.com.tw/board/topic.cgi?forum=18...

所以若有需要可以先看過在看歌詞,感謝

歌詞在這:

I'm so glad I found her. A sunny girl

我多麼高興我發現她 一個開朗的女孩

A fortunate encounter brought us together

一個幸運的邂逅使我們相識

It was so amazing until you're gone

一切曾是多麼的美好 直到妳消逝

I miss you every night and day

每天每夜地思念妳

As I recall when you held my hands

當我想起妳握住我的手

How tender you are

妳是多麼的溫柔

And I still remember our dates

我依然記得我們的約會

I can't forget your beautiful face

我無法忘卻妳美麗的臉

And I fell in love with you

而我曾愛過了妳

I have no regrets for that

我不後悔

Sun rises and Sun sets

日升而日落

will you love me still

妳是否依然愛我

Meet you in heaven

與你在天堂相遇

Do you see me yet

妳看見我了嗎

I don't know why

我不明白

Why God took you away

為甚麼上帝帶走了妳

You should be a sunny girl

你應該是那個女孩

Shining like the fireworks

跟煙火一樣閃亮

And shine on my life

照亮我的未來

If an angel have to go back God's side

假如天使終究必須回到上帝身邊

So you must be the one, I think

所以妳是天使囉 我想是吧

For this reason you left suddenly

所以你才忽然地離開

Oh you are in heaven now

現在妳在天堂了

Would you watch over me

妳是否會守護我

Everything seems gonna glorious I thought

當初我以為一切似乎就如此美好

If it's feasible I wanna try to save before it fades away

如果可以 我想在一切消失以前試者去挽回

Update:

感謝tsaiwen_wang的更正

大部分我都有改過來了

不過關於shining shine on .

的這一部份我不太想改成BRILLIANT 和LIGHT UPㄟ

一方面是因為多了幾個音不好跟旋律搭配,

另一方面是如果SHINE是指持續發光的話,那是不是BRILLIANT、LIGHT UP

就是短暫發光呢?(是這樣嗎? 哈XD) 那這樣的話詞意又怪怪的ㄟ

還是我應該把煙火改掉呢? 可是故事煙火扮演很重要的角色ㄟ

真是傷腦筋!!

我在想想看好了 先感謝這些大大喔

5 Answers

Rating
  • Wen
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    以下試就文法修正。大寫者為更動字句:

    I'm so glad I found YOU. A sunny girl

    我多麼高興我發現她 一個開朗的女孩

    *(以下通篇稱“妳”,這裡也該用“you”以求統一。)

    How tender you WERE

    妳是多麼的溫柔

    *(過去式)

    will you love me still

    妳是否依然愛我

    IF I meet you in heaven

    與你在天堂相遇

    *(通順)

    BRILLIANT like fireworks

    跟煙火一樣閃亮

    And LIGHT UP my life

    照亮我的未來

    *(一般來說,“shine”這個字多指如太陽,燈光等 "持續" 的照亮,用於煙火的“閃亮”並不適合。)

    If an angel HAS to go back TO God's side

    假如天使終究必須回到上帝身邊

    *(文法)

    THEN you must be ONE, I think

    所以妳是天使囉 我想是吧

    *(if 和 so 不可一起用。"one" 呼應前句的 " an angel" )

    Everything WOULD ALWAYS BE glorious, I thought

    當初我以為一切似乎就如此美好

    *(文法)

    If I COULD, I WOULD try to save IT before it fades away

    如果可以 我想在一切消失以前試者去挽回

    *(通順)

    2008-10-19 12:56:05 補充:

    *

    幾個同義詞供你參考:

    形容詞:blazing, dazzling, bright, brilliant, radiant (like fireworks)

    動詞: brighten, light up (my life)

    2008-10-19 21:29:28 補充:

    I do like 005's version. It's beautifully written, and in my opinion, better than the original.

    However, I'm only here to make grammatical suggestions, not poetic ones.

    2008-10-19 21:30:51 補充:

    On that note, I shall point out the following line, "You should be a sunny girl, and (should) shine on my life " is grammatically correct (may not be well-written, but correct nonetheless.)

    2008-10-19 21:38:20 補充:

    *

    I shall point out the following line, "You should be a sunny girl, (brilliant like fireworks,) and light up my life" is grammatically correct (may not be well-written, but correct nonetheless.)

  • Elisa
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I like 柳's better but tsaiwen_wang's is good too.

    Just to point out some typos or errors.

    For tsaiwen_wang, "shine" - verb needs to be in present tense or past tense, or participle if removing the conjunction.

    2008-10-19 21:02:33 補充:

    You should be a sunny girl

    "That shines" on my life

    Brilliant like the fireworks

    Or

    You should be a sunny girl

    Brilliant like the fireworks

    Shining on my life.

    2008-10-19 21:09:28 補充:

    Just one typo:

    "if" Heaven will bring us back together.

    2008-10-21 23:58:20 補充:

    Hi, tasiwen_wang

    Yes you are right on the grammar. I didn't think of the omission of "should".

  • 1 decade ago

    Your gramma is OK, I think.

    在歌詞裡面 文法 有時是到過來的

    或者在英文寫作 不能用的 也有

    所以我覺得 聽得懂 是寫歌詞的其中一個重點

    還有就是 其實不需要太難的字 一兩個 OK 增加歌的深度(此指內涵)

    像是

    A fortunate encounter brought us together

    一個幸運的邂逅使我們相識

    不用這麼難也行唷

    小小意見 希望對你有幫助^^

  • 1 decade ago

    When I read it, I was about to tear. After reading it, I was crying. Wish that I was that angel. You have done a good job, that I think.

    Source(s): my feelings
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  • 1 decade ago

    這一首寫得很好

    但是要有多一點的感情

    或是否經歷的經驗

    把他投入在歌詞裡

    會有更多的優美感喔

    加油喔!

    Source(s): 以我以後要去美國讀書的七年級生
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