Dogna M asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

How can I change the way I think?

Hi, I have a small problem. I want to change. I have looked the same and worn the same thing since I was in 5th grade. I want a change, but I am so afraid of change. I have had my hair tied back in a ponytail every day since I was 11. I have worn big t-shirts and long shorts since I was a kid. But when I was a kid, I wore girlish things too. Now, if it's even semi-tight I freak out and never wear it. I have a presentation in a week where I need to dress up and I can't wait because then I can dress nice, like a girl, not a boy. In my pictures I look like a boy. Last year I was walking back from a meeting at my school and a group of kids asked each other, "is that a girl?" I am tired of looking like this. I want a change so bad, but I am really scared. I think I am scared that I will lose my reputation as a good student and the respect of my teachers and peers. I don't want to dress like a coquette, just a normal girl. I want to be able to wear t-shirts that don't look like potato sacks on me. I don't want to be afraid any more and I don't know how.It's not my my family making me feel guilty for wanting to change, my mom has always supported a change. Nor is it my religion, I grew up in a house where we chose our own religion. Please any advice would be the light of my life right now. By the way, I am 16 going on 17 in 3 months. Thanks so much for any and all advice.

7 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Wow! Happy Birthday ahead of time !!!

    The first thing I would suggest is you realize that your intelligence is not related to your clothing at all. What you are will never change and that is good. You are a very smart woman who loves to be comfortable. Women's clothing has a habit of being uncomfortable such as: very high heels with pointy toes that have become in style will ruin your feet. Stockings are uncomfortable and sticky and hot in the summer and don't provide a bit of warmth in the winter.

    P.S. I am still thinking about this because I have been there. I went from frumpy mom to selling MK cosmetics and then to student.

    1. First I had my hair cut and styled. (I made the mistake of going too extreme. I had straihgt hair and got a perm - bad idea. Ruined my pretty, shiny, long, dark hair) So I recommend nothing too extreme and nothing that requires alot of time to do. Simple and classic cut, maybe add a gloss to add some shine.

    2. I purchased some good bras and underwear that were both attractive and functional. What you wear underneath helps to change how you FEEL about your body. A well fitting bra will make your clothes fit nicely and add a good shape.

    3. Next, go shopping at a store that suits your budget and go for basic, classic styles and comfort. Yes, you can.

    4. Bring a good friend or relative with you that can give you good advice. This is VERY IMPORTANT.

    5. Buy some pairs of matching shoes and a handbag or two that are fashionable, yet functionable and comfortable. Heels that are too high will mess up your feet. Try a lower heel that is stylish and wide enough to not squeeze your foot. GET THOSE GEL INSERTS - that will help to alleviate the new show stiffness and make the shoe feel better. They can usually be moved from one shoe to another.

    6. Make-up: Less is more. Carefully groom eyebrows to a natural shape. Determine which facial feature is your best and accent that. No heavy stuff. Check out Cover Girl site and do the make over quiz. It is free and the prices are good OR go organic with Physicians Formula.

    7. Get a nice fragrance that is subtle and fresh. In fact, get a set of lotions and fragrances that are the sample size so you can find what makes you feel good.


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  • 1 decade ago

    Hi, start to change one thing at a time. First day, maybe let your hair down. 2nd day, wear slacks instead of boy shorts, third day, wear a lady's t shirt, etc... at the end of the week, you will be dressed as a girl should be! You are too young to not enjoy being a girl. I'm 49 but I shop at the same store as my daughter who is in her early twenties. I don't try to look young but I don't want to rush and try and look 60 already! Besides, dressing up like a girl does not make you a bad student! And if you dress appropriately, why will you lose your peers' and teachers' respect? Why should they judge you so badly by dressing like a girl? Just remember, you are not doing anything wrong!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I had the same problem, being afraid of change and what teachers and peers would think of me if I started to dress differently since I didn't have fashion sense. I decided to just wear whatever made me happy and you should do the same. If you feel uncomfortable wearing tight clothing or anything new, don't. Or, if you really feel like you want to, gradually work your way up there. Wear a new shirt or buy some new shorts. Maybe wear some loose Capri's!

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  • 1 decade ago

    The main thing to do is to dress for you and not someone else. I grew up when the mini skirts came into style but as a Christian, wouldn't wear things that were not modest ~ not easy sometimes since the stores seemed to cater to what was in but I chose nice dresses and shoes or skirts and blouses that worked well together but never anything revealing.

    It's understandable to be a little afraid when you make changes because you know others are going to notice and that may be more of what you are afraid of is what others will say. Thankfully I didn't worry about what others would think and stayed with a style that I thought would be pleasing to God and being a person with low self-esteem, that surprises me to look back on all that but there was something within that said I had to do what was good for me and what would make me happy and comfortable so that's what I went with.

    To start out, let your hair down one Saturday when you don't have any plans to go anywhere. Get comfortable with it down at home first and then venture to the store with it down. If you decide to get it cut, just get it trimmed about 2 inches so you don't take off too much and can adjust to the new length without feeling self conscious. Don't let the hairdresser talk you into doing anything beyond that or too far out because as one poster said, you may well regret it and then you would be stuck with it.

    I love over size shirts because they are very comfortable so understand where you are coming from but my question would be ~ why are you trying to hide who you are? Be proud of who you are but not in a haughty, obnoxious way ~ do it in a sweet, shy, demure way like a lady. Go out and buy a couple of new shirts that are still a little loose but not as big as what you've been buying. That way you can slowly get comfortable with a new style a little at a time as you and as you continue to buy new things, you can slowly work into things that are you size but still modest (no cleavage, not snug or tight in any way, not too short).

    For your presentation, buy a nice pair of black slacks and a nice, simple blouse in a pastel color. No ruffles or lace on the shirt and no large, wild designs. Also get you a pair of nice flat dress shoes (or with a 1" heel) so you don't go out of your element too much but still look nice when giving your presentation.

    Remember that change can be a good thing if it is handled right and it sounds like you are at the age where insecurities about what others think are bothering you. You might actually be surprised how well this might work out and how much you enjoy dressing up a little as long as you follow modesty and what makes your happy.

    Good luck to you sweetie and enjoy getting creative as you learn how to make yourself a 'more' beautiful person and remember that true beauty is what is INSIDE but you do want the outside to compliment that beauty inside. The way you dress will speak about what kind of person you are and what kind of values you have.

    Source(s): This site appears to have some good suggestions but I only glanced through it: This is an excellent site, written by young people and you can ask questions if you want to and get free advice by Christian young people and interact with others your age. Both my nieces subscribe to this one.
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  • 1 decade ago

    Take change in small doses... it's much easier to adjust and to accept. Where something you would never wear on a weekend when you know no one's around to see you so that you can get used to it then if you feel confident enough about it, wear it to school. If you like the result try something else, but even if you don't like it, don't stop trying to change... it will help you gain more confidence if you can be seen as a girl not just a tomboy (trust me, I've been there)

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  • 1 decade ago

    change isnt a really big thing in this issue

    i mean if u dont want ur reputation ruined then dont wear slutty clothes

    wear something ur comfortable with yet not to revealing. You just be you and nothing will dress the way you want, you look the way you are because you do it for yourself and you shouldnt care about others.

    you should wear something like this....

    maybe for this you can wear to a presentation

    with some black or blue jeans whatever u would like.

    these are just examples i mean i dont shop at these stores only pacsun :] but its all good. any store.

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  • 1 decade ago

    throw away your old clothes and go shopping try on something new .

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