Why am I so...me? Depressed...?

Ok, honestly, I would suggest you leave now, don't read this, because really...well you'll see. Quick basics: 16, Male, live in the UK. Well, let's start from the top...I feel depressed 24/7, and when I say that, I mean it. But then, I have times when I feel quite good, but for no reason what so ever. And... show more Ok, honestly, I would suggest you leave now, don't read this, because really...well you'll see.

Quick basics: 16, Male, live in the UK.

Well, let's start from the top...I feel depressed 24/7, and when I say that, I mean it. But then, I have times when I feel quite good, but for no reason what so ever. And then I realise that I am feeling good, how I don't deserve it, and go back to being depressed. And then there is the really weird parts, where I feel like...well it's like I am looking at myself and laughing at how pathetic I am, and it feels funny because I am funny, and depressing because I am me at the same time...I go between phases of these 3 moods, with the depressing ones lasting a lot longer than any of the others...Sorta sounds like Bipolar to me, but we'll come back to that shall we.

Next off, I am so, so ugly...I really am. If it's not people at 6th form telling me I am, it's my mum, and if it isn't her, then it's me, because it's the truth. I hate myself, I truly do, and it makes me angry too...how weird...Cut off all contact with my mum right now (live with my dad) because she tells me how rubbish I am all the time, and if someone who's supposed to love you know matter what feels that way, what chance is their for other people?

And now the next thing. Well, here comes the girl, couldn't have seen that coming, eh? She was one of the first people that was nice to me when I moved down south, in Y7. No idea why she was nice to me, she just was...and I was so thankful. Always fancied her because she was gorgeous, funny, smart...brilliant. And then I had to go and think about it a bit much, and I thought, "I fancy a lot of girls, but why do I feel so different with her? Is this love?" And then, how can I love someone with barely knowing them...? You can't really, and I don't know her too well, and only in school do I ever see her...but hey.

About 6 months or so ago, I started talking to a few people about how I feel depressed, about the girl, etc. And they convinced me to tell her, because it might help, and so I did...she was so great about it, but I knew she had a boyfriend, for the past 4 years, and she said that she loved him but that if she wasn't with him things would be different. I then started to tell her how I feel, about how I feel depressed a lot, and she told me she would help me go out a bit more, have more fun, and get better...one of the last things she ever said to me...guess she felt awkward about it, because she barely talks to me anymore, and when she does it is very strained, like there are a million places she would rather be right now...

And now, here comes, probably, one of the worst parts...I have thought about bisexual before, because someone I knew was, and wondered if I was, when I was around 13, but never thought about it again. And now, all of a sudden, guys are starting to look...well, good. One guy I know I fancy like mad, to be honest, because he is always nice to me too. We have never been too close friends, but he actually treats me with respect - unlike a lot of other people - and is always friendly to me.

So, on top of the fact that I am Depressed, Bipolar (?), Ugly, Boring, Never leave the house, it now looks like I am bisexual too. I couldn't think of anything worse, and I would so much rather be Gay or Strait...What I have learned with Bisexuals, is that people are either homophobic towards them, or angry at them because they think they don't want to come all the way out of the closet. And I don't want to be the but of any more jokes than I already am...

Haha, and guess what? One of the friends who I used to confide in, he finally snapped, told me what he thought...all those times I had listened to him and had been nice to him, he never feels like he has to repay them at all, and now hates me...great, isn't it.

So to sum up: 16 years old, never had a relationship. I never get out of the house because I have very few friends, and because I am very self-conscious about my appearance and personality, may have Bipolar disorder against them, and perhaps Bisexual too. Oh, and someone who knows a lot about me now hates me...

So...I guess this is less of a question and more of a cry for help...I just hate myself so much, and all I think about is killing myself, or at the very least how rubbish I am. Can someone help? Would rather emails, and to stop people who might just be nasty to me getting my addy, email me at anti-avc@hotmail.co.uk then I can give you my real address. Paranoid to add to the list as well, I suppose. Any answers here are so, so welcome, I just want to feel good for once...If you are have read all this, you're a really nice, great person, so thanks...
Update: I have tried to be pro-active, I really have...I have tried to get help, I emailed Samaritans, last thing they sent me was blank, I would never have talked to my friends and showed them who I really am unless I thought it would help... What you may not understand is that something which may be easy to you -... show more I have tried to be pro-active, I really have...I have tried to get help, I emailed Samaritans, last thing they sent me was blank, I would never have talked to my friends and showed them who I really am unless I thought it would help...

What you may not understand is that something which may be easy to you - volunteering was a suggestion - is not for me. I hate being seen, maybe it is stupid but if you tell me this, you are only confirming what I and my friend already think.

In my head, everyone already hates me, and I am fairly sure I am right...who would like me? Nobody...
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