My Novel - Critique From Anybody?

I have written a novel, I am now working on my second draft, the problem is that two publishers thus far have turned me down. I will be frank about the subject matter, but I must warn you, it is MATURE.

The novel is called The Day After.

It is about the ruin and redemption of four friends living in Chicago. Sanders, Evan, Jason and Amy. Their last names are rarely spoken of. Sanders and Jason delivered drugs for Robert, whose last name is never given. He considers himself the king of organized crime in Chicago, despite working out of abandoned compounds and hotel rooms. During their deliveries, they got addicted to heroin. Jason quit, Sanders didn't. As a result, Jason suffers from withdrawal, flashbacks and loose breaks from reality over the next few months. Sanders continues to use.

Jason has left home and soon, his grip on reality has loosened even further. Even his visits with his friends soon lose their uplifting effect. He is troubled by memories of their friend Richard who died in his arms after dosing on poisoned drugs, testing a buy for Robert.

Amy is raped and impregnated by somebody wearing a ski mask, coat and gloves. Jason wakes up in an alley wearing these things, and slowly sinks into the 'reality' that he is the culprit. He doesn't tell Amy, and after one final hallucination where his demons take physical form and attack him, he trepans himself.

Two months later, the baby is matured enough to be DNA tested. Sanders is the culprit. While high, he raped her and planted the clothing on Jason, leaving him in an alley. Sanders goes to jail. Amy decides to keep the baby, but Jason's 'death' has ruined her. Staying with Evan after her family has disowned her for keeping the baby, she readies a revolver and spins the cylinder. Evan comes in just as she fires against her temple, forcing the bullet to ricochet and spare her life.

This is where it begins. A serial murderer known as The Vampire is loose in Chicago. It is called this because the victims are all found drained of blood from two large puncture wounds in their neck. It's pattern of victims soon spreads to Evan, Amy and Sanders' families and friends.

Sanders breaks out of jail. Evan discovers that The Vampire is one of Robert's henchmen, who has decided to cover up his tracks in the drug business by killing Evan, Amy and Sanders. Evan and Amy manage to kill The Vampire and escape the city together.

Sanders acquires a few weapons through a contact with his dealer and straps 15 pounds of C4 to his chest, attacking Robert's compound. He kills dozens of guards, stopping only when he is shot through the neck.

As he lays bleeding to death, Robert and a dozen guards standing over him, guns ready, he holds up the detonator to his C4.

The final paragraph is;

I'm only slightly aware of the spray of gunfire that passes through my body. But that doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. I've already pressed the button. And suddenly ---- boom. White plumes of fire swallow me whole. Swallow the room. Swallow everything. I don't even have time to scream, and yet... somehow this seems like the perfect ending.


See, the first four chapters, up to Amy's attempt at suicide, are narrated by Jason. The rest of the book switches between the POV of Amy, Evan and Sanders. It is first-person, present-tense.

Now, am I absolutely crazy?

4 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The book sounds good- quite crazy, and subject matter that is pretty intense. I would read it.

    However don't be downcast by the publisher's refusal to publish. Especially in this time of recession there are thousands of want-to-be authors, and publishers try to go for somebody who has already been published, and they know their books will sell. Trust me I know how difficult it is to get published.

    Eventually I went the route of self-publishing which you could try, if you have some money. (Just as a note my book is called 'Killed By a Passing Snowflake', and is by T.C. Mulvihill).

    The only problem with the summary that I can see, that might make it unattractive, is that your one female character seems to be subjected to a lot of abuse, and does not really seem to have an active role aside from the rape and the baby. Also beware of going *too* gritty. That has already been covered by such Generation X writers as Chuck Palahnuik, Hunter S Thompson, Bret Easton Ellis etc. Try to make sure your style is all your own.

    Hope I helped, and good luck

    Source(s): ****Killed By a Passing Snowflake**** by T.C. Mulvihill
  • Tony h
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I think it has all the makings of a good crime thriller until you bring in the Vampire touch when the genre changes to fashionable gothic.

    I would say that this change of genre is putting the publishers off. There so many vampire stories around, at the moment, most of then amateurish rubbish, that publishers are getting tired of rejecting them.

  • 5 years ago

    Suggest you get over being "embarrassed" and ask neutral friends, professors and "etc." --because you're right not to post it online. Sometimes agents and/or editors and/or publishers will check for a story or book online, because that means others can read it for free, and your former, agreed-upon copyright can't be sold to a publisher. Try reading (over and over, as I have) the first section of The Writer's Market regarding anything online and any questions you may have about future publication.

  • Nice! i admire that you can put all your ideas down and compile them into written form. I love the story line. it would appeal to a wide range of audiences (and desensitized kids lol) i would certainly read it!

    Good luck with your novel and i shall hope to see it on the shelves some day!


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