For the Mature only....prefer guys but the ladies can answer too. Thx?

Okay my cousin recently confessed to me that she was molested when she was 7 years old. She has always been shy, anti-social and went through several phases of depression so it may be in fact true, idk. So the problem is that when she was 20 years old she had sex with this guy (technically the first guy she ever chose to be with) like before she really knew him. She bled when they had sex so he asked her how many guys she had done it with, she said none. Asking her why she chose him she said because she felt comfortable with him like no other guy. (weird) I guess he felt bad and they continued to talk 2 and half years later.. he's bringing it up again. I dont know what to tell her...she feels as though its an hinderance on their relationship because in the back of his mind he dont trust her. She's wondering if she should tell him or not?i guess she feels as though if she tells him he wont trust her and look at her different but she feels terrible that she lied to him and may lose him. I dont know what to tell her.... What do you think?

3 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It takes a lot of courage for a survivor to confide in someone else about their experience of sexual violence/molestation. It took a while for her to tell you, and I am sure you have been in her life for a lot longer than her current boyfriend.

    You should tell her that if she trusts him enough to tell him about her experience then she should let him know. If he really cares for her he would understand if not then agreed with the above he would be an idiot! It's not easy to say out loud what has happened to you - this has a huge effect on her life!

    Maybe you should also suggest she seek counseling to deal with what has happened, many women who are survivors of childhood sexual violence are affected later on in their lives (early 20s maybe even later) it might all be coming back to her now - especially since she has opened up sexually to another individual.

  • 1 decade ago

    I guess when you say that she bled when they had sex could also mean she lost her hymen and thus her viginity at the same time, always assuming we are talking normal copulation. Also how much she bled...I would be weary of how those two incidences or events are truly related, and consider more that its in her own mind. If its not in her own mind, and hes actually still fixed upon this event all those two years later, then maybe hes simply an idiot, like so many more out there, and hence, easily disposable. All things considered, therapy would be a good thing to consider for your cousin, to discuss things, and come to new reality perceptions about herself, others and the world. Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think he will defo understand unless he's a complete idiot...but then he wouldnt really be worth it.

    This is very serious and im sure he will get that she wanted to wait to tell him because it was really difficult for her.

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