Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Why won't my wife fight for me in the time I need her the most?

We have been married 4 years. We're both 28, but no kids.. I work a lot to pay for the house we want to build our future in and so I can give her everything she wants. Months ago I found out she was cheating on me. I didn't know who the guy was but she confessed when I saw a hickey on her neck. I know she isn't happy not seeing me as often as we would both like, so I tried to get over the fact that she looked for "comfort" some place else. I tried really hard but I couldn't. I thought having an affair would make me feel better so that's what I've been doing. I started having an affair in July with a very beautiful woman I work with. To me, it's only physical and I thought it would make me feel better. In August, my company had a picnic and I brought my wife. When my wife left me to get food, my lover or whatever came up to me and she touched me. My wife saw it all.. I looked at her and she just looked away like she never saw anything. It's been a month and everytime I come home my wife acts all happy like we have the perfect marriage. I love my wife and I don't know why I am hurting her like I am.. I guess I am still hurt. I ended the affair last week because I really do love my wife. I just don't understand why my wife can't fight for me? I need her the most right now, and all she can do is smile at me.

15 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Here's what I think. She now sees the two of you on an equal playing field in your marriage -- the both of you cheated on each other so are equally is guilty and wrong.

    Before she probably felt a lot of guilt and now that she has confirmed your affair maybe feels not as bad as she did before.

    In your case you can't assume she is going to "fight" for you. Your wrong after her wrong doesn't make things right. You two should definitely work on repairing your marriage the right way. You have already done the right thing (both of you) by ending the affairs. Next I'd say go and see a marriage counselor.

    You could also try to see if you could work less hours to get back to connecting emotionally and physically with each other. You have been working so hard to give her everything she wanted when all along all she wanted was you.

  • 1 decade ago

    first, I think the touching thing was an over-reaction on your part. You've been feeling guilty about it. The way she touched you probably looked innocent to your wife but felt like an admission of guilt to you. When your wife looked away like she didn't see anything, she probably just didn't think anything of it.

    Unless she shows you cheated? Is that the case? If that's the case, she's probably just trying to deal with it in her own mind and feels that she deserves it, but she doesn't.

    If she doesn't know that you're cheating, that's why she's not fighting for you. She doesn't know that she has a reason to. I think that you want her to be passionate about you and to show it by getting mad over you and the things you do. That's something that you will have to work out with her.

    Good luck...

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow and I would say she is fighting for you in a big way! She is still with you isn't she? Most women would have left you for someone else right there. Maybe she should have, if I read into your question correctly, I would guess you have made her life miserable for cheating on you and now you don't understand why she hasn't left, what do you want? I suggest counseling as soon as possible if you have any feelings for her at all.

  • 1 decade ago

    Your wife know you are cheating and must be hurting but might feel like she has no right to say anything just because she cheated. This my brother is causing your marriage to go down hill, just because she is smiling does not mean she is happy. So get marriage counseling ASAP.

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  • 1 decade ago

    well i give you the most respect for the reason you still love her when she cheated on you, but if she seen you with your lover and she looked away well she doesn't care and she is still cheating on you because she is still getting a piece from somewhere else, my friend she is sticking With you for the money. you are very lucky you do not have any kids with her. play your cards right if both of you are on the deed of the property sell it and before you do sell it what is ever is on your name put it on your relatives name so she will not be able to screw you over, remember she cheated on you first do not let your heart rule you because you are going to get burned and with your lover that you are seeing do not let her go because IT TAKES ONE TO FORGET ONE i wish you luck

  • 1 decade ago

    Would you felt better if she made a horrible scene with your coworkers around, maybe got in the ladies face? Two wrongs doesn't make a right. She sees you are attractive to another. She just cant discuss it. I feel a couple couple therapy would do you both good to clear the air and get a fresh start.

    And Im sorry but it is very risky to sleep around these days, you both should get sexual disease testing done.

  • 1 decade ago

    You both need 2 sit down & have a mature conversation about this....she cheated on u, so 2 get even u cheated on her. Now what if she cheats to get even with u cheating..this could go on forever! Just talk...assume nothing. Your marriage will most likely be lost if u don't intervine & possibly get counseling.

    Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    All I can say is I'm sorry for this.

    Satan has made sure that all the nice women have ended up with all the jerkoff men, and all the nice guys have ended up with the disloyal women.

    Heck, I'm 26 and have never had a girlfriend. I used to be like... really desperate, but now I'm a little bit careful now. Less hurrying, and more observation.

  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe she feels that you cheating on her is what she deserves after she cheated on you. Maybe that is why she is not fighting. You two need to sit down and talk instead of assuming what the other is thinking.

  • 1 decade ago

    All I can say is that the trust in your relationship is gone. I personally think the worst thing you can do to a person is have an affair on them. She did it to you, it should have been over. Now you have done it to her, it is over! Good luck.

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