Can you please give me feedback on my narrative?
It's supposed to be told from the point of view of the crown in Shakespeare's Richard III. I know it's crappy, but idk how to change it. please scan over it a bit and give me some feed back and some ways i could change it.
As I accompanied this king embark on a battle, I could wish for nothing more than for him to die. Then, another can save me and love me so I might rejoice in the joy of adorning someone more deserving of my. Richard is so vile. He doesn’t deserve me. I deserve a majestic king, one that would take care of his kingdom and everyone in it. I would rather be placed upon a queen than be owned by such a foul-faced boar. I’ve been placed on the heads of many royal kings, but Richard felt compelled to slash and burn his way up to me. If I had legs of my own, I would have forsaken him long ago. Hopefully, if Richard dies in this battle today, another Henry will come to save me and the health of this kingdom.
Since he’s become king, Richard serenely has had killed four people, Duke of York and Prince Edward (his own nephews), the trusty Hastings, and his Queen Anne. I truly feel sorry for those who have fallen as victims to his evil deeds. I personally have had the shame of watching as people have been deceived, killed, and lied to by this heinous man but not being able to do anything about it. If I could have done something, anything to warn or protect these people from Richard’s evil deeds, I would. I can’t though, because I’m only a crown and my job is to merely be placed on peoples’ heads and look incredibly beauteous.
I knew, as King Edward VII was lying in his death bed and his loved ones were making false vows, that Richard was scheming. I was already intensely mourning over the sick and dying king. I could see it in his eyes—he was going to being trouble to the wonderful kingdom that his courageous brother worked so hard to grasp. It was really hard for me to see the king go, especially after he brought together a peaceful kingdom. I wasn’t too upset though, at whom the heir to the throne would be. The young prince, I knew in my heart, would be a strong, good-willed leader, just like his father.
After being crowned, I overheard Richard as he made his plans for the death of the princes. I wasn’t very surprised, though, at his actions. This evil man that had his brother killed would surely kill his nephews to become king. He ordered Tyrell, a hit man, to kill the young princes, which he locked up in the Tower of London, just to be king.
As he was in the streets of London pleading to take the throne, I was on a pedestal at the castle hoping and praying that Richard wouldn’t gain kingship. I knew that the kingdom would fall under his reign. It would become more corrupt than it ever was before. He was forcibly taking the throne from his princely and deserving nephew, Edward. Just jesting at the idea that Richard could be king was unsettling.
One dirty deed after another is the agenda of Richard’s life. After seizing the throne, he decided to manipulate Queen Elizabeth into marrying him with her daughter, Elizabeth. He argued that since he killed her two sons, he could redeem himself by marrying her daughter and having two sons of their own, thus replacing the previously murdered princes. I thought that it was a ridiculous plan, but the Queen thought otherwise. How could the queen relent to the one who killed her sons? She’s such a foolish woman.
Thankfully, the sun after the rain, Henry of Tudor, has planned to take over the kingdom. Hopefully, he will be a more honorable king than the one before. As I am unsteadily sitting upon the head of a horrific king getting ready in battle, I wish to be soon on the head of a better, more victorious one in this civil War of Roses. Hoping that his evil deeds will miscarry is not enough—those hopes must become true. With any luck, the curses that the former Queen Margaret has conjured will all come true, ending with the fall of Richard. Richard cannot be acquitted for his sinful acts.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
As I accompanied this king embark on a battle, I could wish for nothing more than for him to perish. Then, another can save me and love me so I might rejoice in the joy of adorning someone more deserving of myself. Richard is so vile. He doesn’t deserve me. I deserve a majestic king, one that would take care of his kingdom and everyone in it. I would rather be placed upon a queen than be owned by such a foul-faced boar. I’ve been placed on the heads of many royal kings, but Richard felt compelled to slash and burn his way up to me. If I had legs of my own, I would have forsaken him long ago. Hopefully, if Richard dies in this battle today, another Henry will come to save me and the health of this kingdom.
Since he has become king, Richard serenely has killed four people, Duke of York and Prince Edward (his own nephews), the trusty Hastings, and his Queen Anne. I truely feel sorry for those who have
Okay, your really good at using creative adjectives, I did some work on grammar and changed a couple words on the first paragraph in a half, I hope it helps.
- dugginsLv 44 years ago
a million) think of of an excellent decision between 2 and 9....ok? ok then 2 2) Multiply via 9...ok? ok then, 18 3) you have now have been given a 2 digit huge style (like 26) perfect?...upload the two digits at the same time...ok? a million+8=9 4) Subtract 5 from this single digit answer...ok? 4 undergo in thoughts this final answer..... 5) If A=a million B=2 C=3 D=4 E=5 F=6 G=7 H=8 I=9. What letter is going alongside with your very final answer? ok? d 6)think of of a rustic (no longer city) that starts off with that letter...ok? dominican republic 7) Take the 2nd letter of that usa....think of of an animal/mammal that starts off with that letter.ok o so orangutan 8) think of of the familiar coloration of that mammal..ok? ok then, i think of they're orange NOW... definite Say OUT LOUD, the colour, the animal and the country.. eg pink fox from Belgium... orange orangutan from the dominican republic what proportion have been given the same answer as i'm attempting to implant into your minds????..>>>> what grew to become into it returned gray Elephant from Denmark!! nope. EDIT: nicely i knew it, yet whilst human beings do no longer be responsive to that, theres dominica, djibouti...
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You are very creative!!!!
Keep it up!!! ;)
You just gotta learn to SUMMARIZE!