HELP HELP HELP ME HELP HELP?
I've attended 3 weddings in the last 5 weekends. All of my friends (I'm 25...and they are close to that age)...bring their g/f's to the weddings. I NEVER have had a g/f and when I try and talk to girls I feel confident and don't misuse words, look/feel shy, or anything. I normally seem to make girls geniunely laugh (not that nervous laugh)...but never ends up being much (I ask for a number and don't get it). I feel like after all these years I'm just a scumbag loser...Of course you move on to the next situation and the next situation...but after you've been rejected as much as I have....at least 55-60 times in the last 6 months...it starts to get old. I don't feel like I'm doing anything OBVIOUSLY wrong. Maybe a few here or there mistakes (but who doesn't). I feel destined to be alone and my parents even mention it to me when I see them. Why haven't you ever had a g/f? Are you afraid to ask? blah blah blah...and it's sickening. I just do not know what to do.
Please no smart alec responses please!
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
When I go golfing, sometimes I find that my ball never goes straight. When that happens, it's usually because I'm trying too hard -- I'm trying to hit the ball right beside the flag. That makes me swing too hard... try too hard... push too hard... and the ball ends up in the parking lot beside the course.
Is it possible that you're trying to get a hole-in-one straight off the tee...?
Instead of going for attainable goals (just getting a girl to go with you for a coffee -- and that's good enough for *that* girl...), maybe you're trying to get right into a relationship straight off the get-go with every girl that you meet?
Girls are all about security. Above all else, they need to feel safe. If they sense that you have an agenda... or that you are moving forward faster than they are, they will run.
Make a game of it. Try to meet different girls, but don't try to date them. Just try to get them to join you for a coffee. Try to get any three girls to join you for a coffee, one after another. And that's all -- just a coffee.
Then, with the next three girls, try to get two dates. First the coffee, and then after that, maybe a walk. Or a movie. Or a talk on the phone. Here's a tip: you must be the one to end the coffee time. If she has to end it, then she's had enough of you. If you end it smoothly, after a half hour and she's not yet ready to go, then you've just succeeded. That's what you want -- cause if you then ask her if she would like to do this again in a couple of days, she'll probably say "Yes".
And when you're at that first coffee what do you do? Do you talk and talk and talk about youself? NOOOO! You ask questions -- you get HER talking. If she does all the talking, guess what? *YOU* are an excellent conversationalist ! Go figger.
But be careful about this: if you come across too pushy... if girls think you have some sort of agenda... then you'll creep them out. Of course, the same thing happens when it's time to start a relationship. Start slow... all you want is a hug this time. That's it, that's all you want: a hug, and then you walk away with a smile. For a few times, even. Then, maybe a hug and a brief kiss. Not a tender, lingering one... not yet. Just a brief, affectionate, genuine "I Like You" kiss.
But as soon as a girl starts to FEEL that she is not in control anymore, that she is being pushed, she's gone... gone... gone.
You've got to respect her, and always think of what's happening through her eyes. How do you think that she will perceive the way you're acting at any given moment. That doesn't mean, be her slave or doormat, that just means "keep in the back of your mind what she must be thinking."
One final tip: read Dale Carnegie's excellent business book "How To Win Friends and Influence People." I read it at least once a year.