Do these Make you Smile? Let me know! Thanks.?

Do these Make you Smile? Let me know! Thanks.?

Smiles

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.

Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?'

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A little boy went up to his father and asked:

'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine'

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A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said,

'I don't like the looks of your wife at all,'

'Me neither, Doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the

exact words that were used to put the curse on you.

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

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Two Reasons Why It 's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records.

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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute...'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied

'A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

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This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.

Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, 'How do you get into those pants?'

The young woman looks him over and replies,

'Well, you could start by buying me a drink.'

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Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.'

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A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'OOPS!'

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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered

buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

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Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, 'I did that by accident.'

She replied, 'I know that, Grandpa.'

He replied, 'How did you know?'

She said, 'Because you didn't say 'asshole' afterwards.

17 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    yes. all of those made me laugh. especially the last one. it reminds me of my mom. lol.

  • 1 decade ago

    they were actually pretty good all except for the first one, the first one i just didn't find funny and i also didn't get it, but other than that i loved the redneck one! lmaooo funny stuff

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    too good now these lines will u pass on too

    by HELLO CANADA''

    ........ON THE BEACH....

    I saw them running around hand in hand ,

    They were two boys,

    On the other side I saw,

    Two teenagers,in their bikinis,

    Ilooked at other signs of their associations,

    Alas sad to say, I found none.

    I moved on and took mine along,

    to the other side.

    When this one did a smile fling

    I looked around she was a thing,

    Then I saw what I thought I did,

    The two boys clasped, yes not gasped,

    They moved away and so did we.

    We ran into the water and did not care,

    The twins did at us stare,

    We blushed and smiled as they smiled back,

    We were in our jeans and they without,

    We wondered why they laughed at us.

    Guess what we were at the wrong beach,

    It was only for the nudist youth,

    We were out of sync I came to know,

    We were out far into the sandy waters,

    And there we thought of stripping so,

    But shy as we felt we could not do,

    Can you guess,who was by then,who with who?

    FROM THE COFFEE SHOP

    As I sat alone having coffee ,

    I saw her passing by swiftly.

    I ran out,for I thought it is now or never,

    To make a new friend on a coldest morning ever.

    I called her from far and yelled,

    'HELLO HELLO'

    There was no response, so I did her follow.

    Once gain I called at her,

    She was unmindful.

    What the hell I said to myself ,

    I ran ahead of her to stop her,

    She smiled and smiled without response,

    I wondered what she wanted to say,

    'Hello' I said once more,

    She was deaf for sure.

    I waived and returned back to my coffee shop,

    My coffee, as she had, was also gone,

    Alas I, she and coffee guy,

    All to each other had to say,

    Bye,bye,good bye.

    DESPAIR

    My Love I wake up for your love dear,

    I go to sleep,as dreams make me feel near,

    And make me gain confidence that you're close,

    In an imperfect world, we all unwantedly chose,

    Yet when I awake I miss,the warmth I craved,

    My fantasy and imagination I so honestly braved,

    And I fall back again from the stair,

    My dear I'm utterly miserable, oh this, despair.

    My innate desire to spend a whole life,

    As your dear lovelingly and only wife.

    Perhaps that was what you did always desire,

    And the flame of fire in me, you did fire.

    I miss your warmth and loving embrace,

    I do not know when and how, I fell from grace.

    Your lovely look,your eyes, and beautiful smile,

    I always possessed and will possess all the while.

    What made you think I was just a playful toy,

    Just to hold for a while and enjoy,

    What made you think of me that so low,

    Say it all was just not said ,let my heart glow.

    Come back to me my life, my breath,my love ,

    There is nothing left for me on earth or heaven above,

    And come back to my arms once again,

    My life, my very being, please do not leave me in vain.

    ''HELLO CANADA''

    INVENTIONS

    I invent when I need to,

    Now is the time which has come my way

    Very soon, yes today or tomorrow,

    Every one will come to know what,do you

    Never mind I know can never guess,

    Tomorrow when you read the newspapers,

    I will be in picture, a full page

    Only then will you learn of my invention,

    Now till the day arrives yes the morn,

    Shall ye see, what to my mind was born

    PANAMA

    Pamela, Pamela where are you?

    All are anxiously here, that's true,

    Now is the time to cut the cake,

    All are awaiting for the one you did make,

    Mama dear, where have you hidden it,

    All of us want a slice of cake ,a bit.

    LIBRA HAPPY BIRTHDAY

    Libran's are from a world of a kind,

    Of those who have a beautiful mind.

    They are very methodical and enchanting,

    Their smile is very, very charming.

    Libras is a world to earn name and fame,

    Their glances win hearts all the same,

    Of those who reward them with a Rose,

    My dear Libras are, to whom the universe,

    The lovers' the classic winners,

    Would all love to propose.

    My Dear...............................

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY.................

    From....................

    With a bunch of roses to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Yea, some of those were pretty funny!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    This red neck girl can laugh at stupid men!

  • 1 decade ago

    Yea they were funny.

  • 1 decade ago

    yeah pretty funny

  • 1 decade ago

    lol yea they were funny! & they made me smile! lol that made me sound blonde! lol (no offense blondies!)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    they certainly did! lmao there hilarious SPECIALLY THE ONE ABOUT LEROY!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    chyeaaaaa hahaha lol funny

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