Should happily married couples have threesomes?

I have been married for 7 yrs. I love my husband very much. I have never had a sexual encounter with women but am highly attracted to them. My husband picked up on this and asked if I wanted to experiment with a woman. We have talked about this possibility alot and I am interested but am affraid of one of us getting hurt. Any advice

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Done between the right people, for the right reasons, opening-up your relationship sexually won't create any issues that can't be easily overcome.

    First, you have to be the right type of person. This means that you and your spouse are the kind of people that can separate love from sex; you don't feel that because you lust someone that you are in love with them.

    Generally people fall into two different groups when it comes to their attitude about sex: 1) those that feel that sex is an expression of love, and 2) those that see sex as a fun activity and don't necessarily have to add any additional meaning to it beyond just having a good time.

    If you are in the first group, opening-up your relationship sexually wouldn't be a good idea. If you are in the second group you are a good candidate to do it without having issues arise from it.

    Second, jealousy is nothing but personal insecurity. It's the fear that you are good enough for your partner and you are lucky they are even with you and if something else that was "better" came along they would leave you. Jealousy, at it's root, is a feeling of low self-esteem and low self-worth. It is difficult for a secure and self-confident person to feel jealousy because they know that they are "good enough" and they don't worry about others being preferred over them in any manner.

    So if you and your husband are secure and self-confident people, who are secure in your relationship and in your value and worth to each other, than you are the right "type" to think about opening-up your relationship in the manner you are suggesting.

    If either of you questions your worth or value to the other, than this is something you shouldn't be considering, at least now, until those feelings are resolved.

    Third, you have to be doing it for the right reason(s). Opening-up your relationship sexually and allowing your partner their freedom to explore their sexuality with other people besides you is the most unselfish and trusting act you could ever do in your relationship. Therefore the act of doing so has to be fully appreciated by your partner and they have to be willing to reciprocate for you. This means that if they want to explore in some manner they have to allow you to explore in whatever manner you please too. This could mean that if they have a FMF fantasy and you a MFM fantasy, well then they better be open to fulfilling your fantasy if they expect you to help them fulfill theirs. When the street doesn't go both ways it will cause resentment between you.

    This has to be BOTH of your fantasy also, not just one. Doing this is helping your partner fulfill their fantasies WHILE YOU GET TO FULFILL YOUR OWN. If one person is being convinced, coerced or manipulated into doing it, it will cause problems in the relationship, and maybe some that can never be overcome. Guaranteed 9 out 10 relationship you hear about breaking-up after a threesome or moresome is due to this one single issue: someone "went along with it" just to please their partner.

    So in short, if you are going to do this to fulfill both of your fantasies, both of you are open to fulfilling the other's fantasy in other manners so that it's not just a one-way street, you are both secure in yourself and in each other, and you both know that wanting to have sex with someone does not equal being in love with them, than you are good candidates to do this and have a great time with it without causing any problems in your marriage. In fact, you'll probably find that the increased trust and communication between you will strengthen it even further.

    This is because doing this opens-up the honest communication between you to an extent that most couples will never know. It never ceases to amaze me how most people will be more open and honest with complete strangers than they will with their own spouse because their spouse is to insecure to hear what they have to say and become hurt and resentful when they try to discuss things like sexual fantasies with them. It's the "What?! Aren't I enough for you?!" attitude. Words like that are simply neurotic insecurity manifesting itself. You see this all the time with people living secret Internet fantasy lives and looking for others to have casual sex with to fulfill their fantasies that their wife or husband won't even listen to much less entertain doing.

    Also, it creates a trust between you that is hard to describe. For instance, I've seen my wife have great sex with other women and men, and guess what? She still loves me more than life itself and thinks I'm the best thing since the Sun. Removing sex as THE reason we are a couple really spotlighted the real reasons we've been together 10 years and still act like teenagers in love, which is everything you do as a couple when you're not having sex. We are each other's best friend, we know every deep, dark secret about each other and still love each other without question. We love being together and hate being apa

    • Jay5 years agoReport

      That's why people like you should disappear from earth. They state in 5 paragraphs why it's not wrong to take part in something that is excessively stupid. And the 5 people that thumbed up your stupid comment.
      No, it's wrong. That's why you get married. To have solely one partner.

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    1

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    For the best answers, search on this site https://shorturl.im/axvv3

    We've been together for 10 years, married for 8 and swinging for 4, and we are very happily married. We had a happy marriage to begin with with a very active sex life, and adding others to it was just a natual extension of that. Someone to share the overabundance and overflow from our relationship with. Done for the right reasons, between the right people, you will have a great time. Swinging won't fix a bad relationship, but it certainly won't hurt a good one.

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  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.

    RE:

    Should happily married couples have threesomes?

    I have been married for 7 yrs. I love my husband very much. I have never had a sexual encounter with women but am highly attracted to them. My husband picked up on this and asked if I wanted to experiment with a woman. We have talked about this possibility alot and I am interested but am...

    Source(s): happily married couples threesomes: https://tr.im/gjAE3
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  • luong
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Married Couple Threesome

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  • 6 years ago

    I have recently been having a three some with a married couple who invited me to join them but I dont know how to tell them that her husband got me pregnant. I have no intention in keeping the baby. I dont want to destroy a marriage or have any emotional attachtment to either of them. I never fantazied in being apart of one but I only did it for fun since I am single. My point is be very careful because what if I did want to have the baby but I will never have a child with a married man. They are both people I know and plan to keep a friendship even after I decide I will not be joining there three somes any longer.

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  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    It's not cheating if your husband is there. I'm curious though how the original poster would feel about her husband having sex with the other woman too.

    Years ago my wife was curious about having sex with a woman. It was such a strong desire that WE placed an ad on a local web site. We picked out a couple from the responses and met them for drinks. The woman was very attractive and bi, and her husband was handsome and bi curious. We met them a couple weeks later for dinner, and confirmed the chemistry. Several nights later I was out of town when my wife called me in my hotel room. She said that the woman we had met called her and invited her over to their house for a drink......her husband was also out of town. Should she go? Hell yes! So she did, and I was aroused the entire time until she called 4 hours later. She said the sex was good, interesting, different. She scratched this fantasy off of her bucket list and said once was enough. However, the other woman was apparently really in to my wife and wanted her again, and they wanted us both together in bed soon. Although my wife thought having sex with him would be hot, and my wife watching me with another man was a turn on, she didn't think she could handle seeing me having sex with the other woman. So, we never met them again. Damn.......she is fairly jealous so I didn't push it. We did end up having a few mfm threesomes with a safe, attractive, clean, hung friend of mine. He was skilled, had stamina, and recovered quickly. Great sexual experiences. Unfortunately he ended up moving out of state and we haven't done it again since. Damn! I think about her with him all the time.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    "Should" they - no, "do" they yes. If you are interested, find a good swingers club, one that has an orientation session, and go and ask questions. They have heard them all. Then go to a party. It is the safest environment you will ever be in.

    Most sociologists will tell you that all women are bi at least in comparison to men. You will find many willing women at a swingers party.

    Swingers - those who live it as a lifestyle and not just a way to screw around - have a divorce rate about one tenth of the national average. Good luck.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If you decide to, it should be after a lot of serious discussion with your husband. There should be solid ground rules. If it is with someone you know, or that one of you would be tempted to see again on your own - not a good idea! With a stranger you run health risks, so be smart.

    I say don't. Maybe just talk about it or fantasize about it with each other. Imagining the even could be better than actually doing it.

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  • 4 years ago

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    It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' alone.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If both of you agree on having a threesome there wont be a problem at all and any of us will get hurt cause your marriage is a strong one. It is nice you can share this with your husband

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