Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

Here's a couple of funny jokes for you.?

Got these off a joke site over a year ago so if they're flying around right now I haven't realized it. I haven't seen them so here I am posting them.

Joke About Women's Revenge..... ...?

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

*****

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. LOL

*****

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the men, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

*****

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a

word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

*****

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day ...30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

*****

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

****

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee". The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you

should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ......... "HEBREWS"

>

*****

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

14 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    this are great jokes

    Source(s): please give me best answer
  • 3 years ago

    lame.. that's so old and unoriginal humorous tale for you ... there's a truck motive force and his spouse. The truck motive force comes domicile from a run and is finding for his spouse around the domicile. He finally nicely-knownshows her interior the mattress room with a suitcase. The truck motive force says, "Hon, you going someplace?" The spouse says, "It has these days come to my interest which you're a ped o document." The truck motive force says, "nicely that's a robust huge observe for a 14 twelve months old." Now, that's a humorous tale.

  • 1 decade ago

    Good Old Jokes

  • 1 decade ago

    Brilliant. The last one was the only one I'd heard before.

    Keep 'em coming

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Gosh they were so good, I got a good laugh from pretty much all of them. Very good!

  • 1 decade ago

    1) funny

    2) not funny

    3)funny

    4)funny

    5)funny

    6)not funny

    7)not funny

    8)cute, but not funny

  • 1 decade ago

    nice and funny

  • 1 decade ago

    words was best

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Thank you

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    the last was my favorite

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.