To Give or Not to Give?

I am currently a student, mother of four, and of course married. I applied for an additional student loan outside of my financial aid loan. My first installment is not coming until Oct 1st. I promised my husband that when it comes I would give him half of his truck payment or pay our cable bill. He got upset when he learned that the payment was not coming until Oct and that I was only giving him 250.00 and not the whole 500.00 of his truck payment. In which he says I made it out to him that I was going to do and I did not. He did take of the cable bill on his own so he can't pay his truck now (behind three months anyays) and blames me for that too. I informed him that I have to pay this money back so it's not for his taking I asked for it to aid me on things that he is not going to help me with. My mother in law says we are married it's our money not one persons money. It's only 847.00 and it's mine if I'm the one paying it back to my school. Marriage doesn't make it conveinent to claim someones money like that. I just wanted to see if I'm the one who is selfish on this issue. (Wouldn't be a problem to share with him if he did the same towards me and our children but he is self centered)......Now he is mad....


Okay the cable was already turned off the payment was for paying the old bill and turning it back on. We just moved. The truck is an explorer which is his to accomodate the kids. I have a minivan but it's half running. Since he works for coca cola all he does is park his car and drive theirs that's why I was willing to pay half on it because I was trying to help him out since he was letting me drive it to and from while driving my van. Cable is paid and his truck is behind and I don't know how. It is and he expects me to treat it like one of the other bills but I don't because this is the first time he's let me drive it in the two years he has had it so far. I do not have a joint account with him because he is too controlling. I pay my half on bills and he pays his half. Obviously I don't trust him. I have a major defensive attitude towards him (emotional). He is aggressive but reserved. Long story....

5 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    If you're having money problems, you NEED to prioritize.

    Cable: A luxury. Optional. If you don't pay the bill, they just cut it off. No big deal.

    Truck: Most likely, necessary to get to work, to earn the needed money. If you don't pay the bill, they'll eventually come repo it. It will also go onto his credit history that he is falling behind on loan payments. His credit history will affect YOU too, in buying houses or other large joint financial decisions.

    So, answer: Apart from your OBVIOUS relationship problems, broken problems, lack of solid mutual financial planning, and both parties' selfishness-- apart from all that, you're both being ridiculous to pay for cable INSTEAD of paying for the truck. Are you both insane?

    Yes, I KNOW I am being harsh. I do apologize. But you need to wake up. You're not just talking about money issues. It's a huge spectrum of problems and you may need to start taking serious steps to solve them. You should have already discussed, in great detail, how you would handle money, what your goals were, what your priorities were, etc. BEFORE you ever got married. Find some relationship counseling (if you are affiliated with a church, often your pastor/preacher/rector/whatever will offer limited counseling for free). Also, find some financial counseling, even if this just means finding a coworker/friend/family member that seems to have it all together and asking for advice.

    (Whether or not he needs a huge truck for work is a different story and you didn't share information on that front. Most people I know that drive large, expensive vehicles do NOT work on a farm, in construction, or in any other profession where they use the truck. A small, cheaper car would probably suffice instead. $500 is a very HIGH vehicle loan payment for a couple short on cash.)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    First of all he needs to understand that this money is a LOAN and not disposable income. Sounds to me like he's pouting because you won't pay his bill due to some poor budgeting on his part. You two need to work through your finances together.

    I do agree with your MIL but all money issues have to be worked out as a couple or it just doesn't work.

    I think this truck is an expense you two can't really take on. Plus how much is your cable bill? Do you have the package with all the channels and movies that costs an arm and a leg? Maybe it's time to downsize.

    I think both of you need to re-evaluate things here. Seems like you are biting off more than you can chew with all these heavy expenses.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The answer cannot be about this one separate case. Anything that answers the problem must answer the whole of it.

    That is, you two must sit together and talk and agree on who has what obligations. Who has to contribute how much $ to what. Who has to do the housework and/or stuff related to children - cause that has to count for something too.

    And when you both finally agree then put it on paper so that one or the other doesn't forget what it was that you agreed upon.

    That way you will know and will be able to plan for the future. Trying to solve isolated cases without an overall plan is not going to work.

  • 1 decade ago

    no i dont think you are selfish. you earned tht money and you have to pay it back...if you both shared things equally it would be different but many married couples have a joint account and then they both have their own account. im not really sure wht the situation is there but no i dont think your being selfish at all. i think he will get over his stage of being mad and realize wht he is expecting is unreasonable. hope i helped!!

    good luck!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    No, you are not selfish. Since YOU are responsible for repaying that loan back and not your husband. YOU make the decision what to do with it.

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