What do you think i should do?

I have been working on building my relationship with my partner of 8 years back up to an acceptable standard after almost letting him go because i was so sick of his thinking he was a batchelor and only had a family when he chose to. He has changed quite a bit but we still have huge issues over how he treats the kids, theres no loving there really, only disapline and lots of sarcasm to go with it. At first he tried really hard but after a while he reverted back to his own silly ways. I try and talk to him about creating a relationship with the boys so that they feel they can come talk to him, i want him to have some kinda balance with them, but he finds it really hard. As for him and i? Well i go through my moments of loving him, when i am trying to see the good in him, and he is a good person. In the last year, i have used the situation i am in to look at myself and my faults in this relationship, i have tried to do things his way where the kids are concerned just to see if maybe it really is a better way. I have looked at my attitude ,temper, the places i have gone wrong and all that stuff. My problem is this...i love this man because hes been a part of my life for over 20 years now. Like i said he is a good person, but things still get to me , things such as this:

He gets a payout after hurting his back, around the 10 grand mark, we are way way behind in rent beacuse of how thing used to be with him but he hasnt payed any off it. He put some money in his credit card and bought food, i havent heard the end of the food thing because he spent 500 dollars on it and its like he is looking for brownie points. He got the scak last week, on the day he got his payout. He has not looked for work since but has said he is going back into his old trade where he probably owes about 300000 in tax that he never payed. Now because he is not working, hes spending heaps of time with a friend of his, fixing up our pool and our backyard which is something i have been begging him to do for a year. Now everyday i hear "GOD i am so so sore from fixing the pool, do you care" and it drives me insane!! Poor me syndrome...i hate that. I found him in the shed the other night with something that looked like a crack pipe, he said he was smoking hash oil through it because he lost his pipe. When i looked his pipe was in the same old spot with a small bag of pot, so now i am paranoid hes doing something stupid and its drivin me nuts. I knew he smoked, he only ever has a tiny bit at night after work but when i saw that thing in his hand i started shaking!! I guess my point is, even though i love him, i dont trust him and im always wondering. So what am i gonna do. I have a few months left of my diploma, i work 4 nights a week, and i was trying to wait till all that is over so i can get a normal day job and have a bit of normality back in life and see what happened from there...but everyday i get this nagging feeling and i am stagnant and annoyed. I dont treat him very well anymore because i am always angry with him and that sux, it sux having to try all the time when it shouldnt be so hard......any advice??


Thankyou for your answer, your right i know. I may never find out where the money is going because we have separate accounts and he usually gets the mail before i do so i cant look at the statements. I know all this sounds ridiculous, when i typed my question and read it back to myself i thought OMG it sounds horrible..and...i suppose it is. Its not how life is meant to be is it? I just want to be able to trust him, for my own sanity, i have never been a paranoid person and i am not happy with myself because i feel i am turning into one. GRRR.

Update 2:

Biker chick, thanks for your answer. The pipe was glass, had residue in the pipe but none in the bowl itself, he was standing there with a blow torch kinda lighter heating the resin? I have heard that you can take hash oil through a pipe like that? Is that not true? I thought the bowl of the pipe would be a little more discoulured if he was using it for oil?

2 Answers

  • 1 decade ago

    People do not smoke hash oil - that is the term people use when they buy the pipes at the cigarette stores - they ask the cashier for a "hash oil pipe". Crack pipes are solid, straight and made of metal, glass pipes (with a bulb at the end) are used for smoking crank, "ice", or "meth". IF he is doing either of these, and not working, you are going to have WAY more problems, especially where money is concerned, than you can handle.

    If you think you have problems now, just wait - things will get much worse. If I were you, I would tell him he needs to get out and get his priorities straight. He will pull you all down with him if you let him stay - trust me, I really do know.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Demand that he pay down the rent and buy several months of "rent" with money orders that you will keep safe, this to give you some peace of mind.

    He may be spending that money on drugs. If you think your mad now just wait till you find out where the money is going to.

    Finish your diploma! NO MATTER WHAT, finish your diploma.

    Focus on your education. get a normal job. Then get rid of him, he makes you un-happy.

    But, first, be nice to him and get your part of that money, no matter what you have to do or say.

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