Do you like the first chapter, prolouge, of my new book?
This is just a rough draft! What do u think?
As Damien Paterson walked out of the convenient store with a drink, ready for his 12-year-old son’s baseball game, something strange happened. Something so strange that no one would figure out for awhile. He disappeared. Just like that. No one knew if he was kidnapped, killed, or anything else harmful. But all they knew that he was gone.
Damien had a nice happy life. With a child and a wife. The child’s name is Trevor. A 12-year-old boy who was a good baseball player and also a team player. He was a normal kid who was kind of popular. Damien’s wife, Jackie, is also a cheerful woman. She is a funny unique person as well as Damien.
Jackie told the investigators a number of times, that she did not kill or kidnap her husband.
“My son was right with me!” Jackie told the investigators, “I didn’t have ANYTHING to do with my husband’s disappearance!”
And that was the truth. But months later, after the disappearance, Trevor went missing. So they police arrested her. But she didn’t-couldn’t tell where the two missing people are. When they released her about a year later, she disappeared as well.
In this book you will experience FBI cases, terrible deaths, notes from the unknown, and a shocking twist at the end. So the longer you keep reading, that’s another page to turn…
1 ETHAN RAMSEY LOST
Feel free to IM me about the book!!!!! Also lol
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
It sure sounds interesting. But, I think that you put a little too much information about the person's life in just the prologue. You should keep the reader interested, by not saying exactly what happened. You also shouldn't use the person's full name in just the first sentence. Maybe instead of that, you could have put: He was strolling down the street with a drink in hand, ready for his son's baseball game. Say how he disappeared or what happened when he did. Then you could go on to talk about his family, like you did. Maybe in the first chapter, you could start it off with the FBI interviewing the wife. Hope this helps :] good story !!!
- Write BrainLv 61 decade ago
The prologue should be something that would catch the reader's attention right away.
I would change it to something like this:
"Something strange happened when Damien Paterson walked out of the convenience store. He disappeared."
We don't need the info about his son or his wife. That is information dump.
By bringing in the investigation into the prologue, you are giving away too much information. Leave that for later.
A prologue should be something that has the reader asking questions. What happened? What happens next?
Edit your prologue and you will see the difference.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Well, I like the idea, but your writing style is very juvenile. Be more descriptive and don't use better verbs! Sorry, I just think it sounds like a story that the teacher made you write in 5th grade.