How can i build my self-esteem and self-confidence?

Im kind of an introvert, or very socially withdrawn, and it bugs me that i dont talk with people around me. Im terribly shy. I dont exactly know how to socialize, but that doesnt bug me. I use my intuition. But the problem is, i lack energy, charisma, confidence, self-worth, and a sense of purpose. Its like, I want to say hi to someone near me, and have small talk and stuff, but i dont say Hi. I dont say a word at all. Sometimes im quiet throughout. During summer school, at least i talked with people, but when school started in august, i hardly socialized. I don't know how to break out of this social interaction drought, but i really want to.

I also don't know how to connext with another. Its like, im too shy to express myself, or i dont have the words too. Im very quiet too. Most people say they cant hear me.

Sometimes, i might feel imtimidated. I think its because i dont think myself as a peer or worthy enough to be someones friend or acquantence.

I want do want to talk with my classmates, get to know them, maybe make new friends, but that desire doesnt overcome whatever is keeping me from speaking...

Im like Hamlet, too indecisive, and for me to overcome this saps the energy out of me.

2 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'm going to list some questions for you:

    Do you have a good memory?

    Are you sensitive: Do you get your feelings hurt easily?

    Are you compassionate--think before you act, can feel when someone is sad or happy and sometimes their emotions become yours?

    Are you morally sensitive--you always want to do what is right?

    Do you usually talk better with people who are older?

    Do you read alot because you love it?

    Are you creative?

    Do you think that justice is for all even children?

    Do you notice things that others overlook?

    Do you have allergies or food sensitivities?

    Do you talk well with little kids and like small animals?

    Do you have a sensitive nose--you can smell cigarette smoke or perfume from far away?

    Do tags on clothes sometimes bother you and your socks have to be on just right?

    Do you love the Internet and the freedom it gives you to express yourself?

    Do you express yourself better in writing?

    Do you practice what you want to say before you say it--out loud or in your head?

    Do loud sounds bother you?

    So, did you answer yes a lot? If you did you are probably just a highly sensitive introverted person. And, to be honest, there is not a whole lot wrong with you--in fact THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You are who you are. In this world there are many more extroverts than introverts and WE get the bad rap for being too quiet, mumbling too much, being anti-social. Well, we are quiet, because we don't like loud noises and we mumble because we sound like we are talking plenty loud to ourselves (we hear better than most), and we seem anti-social because we see through people's superficialities and when we talk to people we are real and we want other people to be real with us. We want those real give and take relationships and aren't content to call someone a "friend" just because we've been sitting behind them in English class for the last 8 years. How do you fix this? Can you fix this? Yes, but by fixing this, you are not CHANGING who you are in essence. Practice talking louder than you find comfortable, realize that most people don't want deep friendships and that you have a chance to find a "real" friend only if you try. Everyone is nervous about making friends even the extroverts, but they put themselves out there and if someone doesn't like them they don't let it get to them. You are worth being a friend and having a friend.

    You should do some research on the internet or library on "Highly Sensitive People." Gifted People, and Introverted People (infp, intj,--Jung Psychology.) You should also research self-esteem--I just read a book called "raising your self-esteem" and it was pretty interesting. The gist of it is that sometimes things happen and we are so sensitive that they hurt us and we don't forget it and we become fearful of being hurt so we put up walls. Have you been hurt? Are you afraid? A lot of people walk around emotionally wounded and don't realize it.

    Tips on talking to people:

    Look around you find someone you want to talk to, and try to find something about them you like--maybe their t-shirt has a whale on it that says: "Save the humans" and you like it. Tell them. Carry gum or skittles or sweettarts and when you are in class or the lunch line offer the person closest to you one and then talk about the homework assignment, a cool music group, a teacher or lunch or a movie.

    I was the kid who hid behind mom's leg when I was really little. But then I thought, "Hey, there are probably some kids more shy than me (and there were) and I'd talk to them. They probably thought I was a big extrovert. But it kinda crippled me, cuz it made talking to extroverts and most people on earth very hard. I don't really mind anymore since I've come to terms with being this way. I am what I am and that's all that I am and I am HAPPY. Be happy that you are who you are--you are like Einstein, like many writers, like many artists. If you are happy than you will find happy people and if you go to places that introverts like you might meet some kindred spirits: Libraries, bookstores, museums. Or you could just carry those icebreakers, find a compliment and talk to anyone. Practice being confident like and actor and then get out there. I think I am e-mailable if I struck a chord with you and you care for more advice. Just don't walk around beating yourself for who you are: I used to hate it when others would say I was too sensitive. Now I just acknowledge that they are right and intellectualize the situation right then and there and take it from there. :*)

    Source(s): Me. Gifted, highly sensitive introverted person with gifted highly sensitive introverted child and and extroverted husband and kid who are also highly sensitive and gifted. I've read a lot of psychology books!!!
  • aMUSEd
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    you do remind me of myself. just today i wanted to talk to the guy next to me in class but i was a lil' bit afraid. then i worked up the courage to talk to him. we kinda fooled around and even though he ended up being mean and i called him an idiot, it's just something silly. nothing too serious. so...i guess to help you in your current situation you need to be able to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously. smile and say hi to people and just be friendly. it's better to make yourself heard than to say nothing at all.

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