My husband doesn't understand how tired Iam. I take care of our two kids plus help run our business?

We have two boys under the age of two and I quite my job about 18 months ago to stay at home and help run our company. We have been fortunate that our company has taken off since I have been home. I am responsible for the phones, payroll, customer contact, sales, taxes, and book keeping plus I am raising our two sons. This is really hard since our office is in our home and I do all of this throughtout the day. My husband works in the outside of the house meeting directly with people and is tired when he gets home. The kids go to daycare two days a week for about 5 hours so I can work uninterrupted but I have no time to myself. If I am out and about running errands or try to get time two work out my husband makes me feel guilty that I am not at home to answer the business phones. He is NEVER alone with the boys but helps me out when he is home. He constantly tells me how tired he is so I feel guilty asking him for time away. When I try to tell him how exhausted and tired I am, he will just respond with that we are both tired. This past weekend we went on a short trip. I processed a ton of bids, washed clothes, watched our two sick toddlers, packed, cleaned house, and loaded the car. He got home and a took a shower and jumped in the car and we left. And then he wondered why I was in such a bad mood and so tired. I don't know how to talk to him about how I feel without it turning into a fignt. Everytime I have tried to talk to him, he gets angry and says he can't make me happy and then won't talk or help me for days as punishment. Please help me.

14 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You need time away from the kids. He needs to give it to you even when he's tired. I think it took a marriage counselor to explain this to me years ago.

    It is indeed hard to work all day, come home tired, and have your wife go out alone while you take care of dinner and the kids. It is indeed hard to understand how badly she needs that time out when you're not the one home with the kids all day, waiting minute by minute when your spouse is late, dying for them to get home so you're not alone with the constant demands of small children.

    But when you just do it - just tell your wife to go out and shop or take a drive or a walk or whatever for an hour or an evening - and see how much happier it makes her - it suddenly gets easier, and it's suddenly obvious how important it was. Maybe instead of trying to talk to him about it, you can tell him you NEED it, and demand it. Maybe let a marriage counselor tell him. Good luck!

  • Wiser1
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Honey, you are right. Your husband works hard, but he does not understand that YOU are doing TWO jobs and he is doing one. Start by printing out something similar to what you have written on here, so he can see in black and white ALL that you do all day (maybe jot down everything you did all day). Let him read it and then say that you want him to understand what you do so he'll understay why you are so tired and grumpy sometimes. If I were in your situation, I would hire a babysitter (if you don't have a grandma around), and take an evening off one evening a week for just the two of you to rekindle your romantic relationship (exhaustion and anger can hinder that). Go out to dinner alone or to a move for a couple hours and unwind.

    Also, I'd make an agreement with hubby that Saturday mornings are yours and Saturday afternoons are his (or Sunday.. you two pick). HE babysits half a day while you go out and enjoy yourself or lock yourself in the bathroom with a good book and a bubble bath), and then you take over and give him Saturday afternoon to play golf or work on his hobby or go to a sporting event or veg out in front of the TV. When he's babysitting for 1/2 a day, he'll start to get the picture of how hard it is. If you make an agreement like this (stand up for yourself and INSIST on it), I am sure it will help you. And he will really bond with his kids...another plus.

    Source(s): Raised two kids while working outside the home, did daycare for my daughter's 4 kids after that.
  • 1 decade ago

    When your husband is home, grab your purse and say "I am going to the store, be back later" and go to the store or where ever you need to go. While at the store or out doing whatever, stop and take about 30 min to yourself whether it is tanning, getting coffee, exercising, reading, swimming, whatever you like. There is NOTHING wrong w/ this.

    It's simpler than you think, you are just making it hard. Or hey, have the kids in daycare one extended day and one half day....take some time or you will break down soon.

    I think you should actually do BOTH of the above. Your husband should NOT have a prob watching the kids for literally like 3 hrs a week...how much is that to ask>

  • 1 decade ago

    Communicate with your husband, he isnt getting it. You might even need to make a list. Choose a time where you are both at least half relaxed (after toddlers bedtime) so you can get this out. Try not to be accusatory. He probably is feeling tired, too, and he doesnt really realize how much you are putting into this (typical makle behavior, only seeing what he does and no one else)

    If that doesnt work, take yourself a little trip to see your mother or a friend etc without the kids, and let him fill in on your part. Maybe after he does the job your doing, he will listen.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You give so much of yourself and that can always run you down when you have nothing filling you up. This is one those situations where you have to let go of the manipulative gilt that is being laid on you regarding some down time. Find your boundary. If you need to look forward to Friday than plan to work till noon and than get out of the house even with the kids. Stop telling him your feelings and just do what you are saying. Take that break. Your husband just doesn't want hear your unhappiness. Remember, when he has a problem he probably just goes and fixes it. Try to do that. Remember that you are not the only parent and plan to go when he gets home.

  • I would love to have you as my new wife. I run a small tiny business too! I clearly understand you! If you have the time and money hire a nanny or something to help clean up around the house and get the kids to and from school. Try not to get depressed or something, because this will get worse! Its may be time to see a marriage conseling immediately! I see a marriage conselor for all types of problems, because mines its free! All this things will affect you, because they are so close knitted to you and your family.

    Source(s): 14 yrs of marriage
  • 1 decade ago

    In addition to the fact that you should hire someone to help you at work you need to also stand up for yourself. Why is he making you feel guilty? You are tired and you need smoe time off. If he makes you guilty hang up the phone. F that! You are busting your behind and he should be thankful!

  • 1 decade ago

    You need to take those two kids and give them to your parents/friends/etc for a weekend and get away just you and your hubby. This will give you time to be a wife and for him to be a husband not mom and dad. Then you can talk about it without him being so defensive.

  • Ella
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    So hire a housekeeper / nanny.

    That way, you can concentrate more on your job.

    Also, you and the husband need to set business hours. Don't allow yourselves to be on call 24-7.

    That's probably why you two are feeling burnt out.

    Hire one or two more people if you need to.

    Don't allow your career to dominate your lives.

  • 1 decade ago

    Unless your man gets a turn to do your job he can't understand...he thinks you STAY HOME ....lol

    Have him take a turn and leave the list of what you do all day...he will be thankful for all you do when the day is done...and he better get you some damn flowers...hahhaha

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