A man stumbles up to the only other patron
in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why, of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say,
I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another
round to Ireland."
"Of course," says the second.
Curious, the first asks: "Where in Ireland?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it, Me too! Let’s have
another round of drinks to Dublin."
The second man can't help himself so he asks,
"What school did you attend?"
"Saint Mary's", replies the first man.
"I graduated in '62."
"This is becoming unbelievable!!!"
They say in unison.
About that time, in comes one of the regulars
and sits down at the bar.
"What's up?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender.
"The O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift
in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from
a burning freighter. While rummaging through
the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled
across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear,
he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To Patrick’s amazement, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however, stated that
he could only deliver one wish, not the
Without giving much thought to the matter,
Patrick blurted out, "Make the ocean Guinness!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening
crash, and immediately the entire sea turned
into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the
hull broke the stillness as the two men
considered their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick.
After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick!
Now we have to pee in the boat."
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina Mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
Take your pick