Why do I still think about my ex?

I broke up with my ex over a year ago. Afterwards he lied to me and used me for sex when I was hoping we could reconcile things but I then discovered he had already got another girlfriend and tried to cover it up for months denying it when I questioned him about it.

I met a guy in November and started dating him January; our relationship has its ups and downs but I love him a lot and think he's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

But I still think about my ex I used to think about him constantly and dream about him all the time although I never dream about my current boyfriend.

Lately I don't think about him so much but I still get it in my head to call him sometimes. This guy was horrible to me and treated me like dirt and sometimes I only wish to call him so I can put myself back in his head and cause him some of the pain he caused me however stupid that sounds.

The things that happened with my ex make it hard for me to trust my boyfriend and I get so paranoid and panicky about him cheating on me sometimes although he swears he would never do that.

My boyfriend loves me but he says I don't know how to be happy. When I think about my ex now I don't feel the pain I felt before I don't really feel anything but I do still think about him. Does this mean I'm over him or not and if I'm not will I ever be?

Update:

I would never go back with him, I have spoken to him when I first got with my current bf and he told me he wanted me back but I said no because my current bf was actually nice to me and that I would never trust him again after what he did...even then he was still saying that the other girl wasn't his proper gf cos he hardly ever saw her. I dream about calling him up and talking to him but when I wake up my sense comes back and I don't.

13 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    No, you are definitely over him! Ok? the only thing that hinders your mind and keep thinking back about him is the closure was bad, this boils down to your hurt and wounded ego as a woman, when you can compare him now to your present on how he had all the nerves to treat you that way... There is no other way to come back to your past, event to the point of taking back on him, just please yourself, allow him to make you feel good, love yourself my dear, for no one else can give that, and if you give importance to your self then you can definitely love others more freely without any fear..all men are not the same, give yourself a break...cheer up, this is a better chance for you now, dont lose it! Ok?

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  • Sammy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    This is a perfect example why guys treat girls poorly. You state he treated you poorly but you still want him. No wonder he treats you poorly it works!!! I am sure if you go back to your ex he will treat you the same. Once a snake always a snake. You need to forget this guy forever and give the real man (your current boyfriend a real chance). My gut feeling it's all about the sex. You need to work with your current boy friend about what you like. Forget the misery.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You may simply still grieving for the lost relationship. We all grieve losses of all kinds. When we have been treated like crap by someone we love or loved, it's a wound that takes a long time to heal. Not being able to get someone out of your head may indicate that you need more time to heal your heart before you will safe enough within yourself to truly share it so soon.

    Source(s): Divorcing a monster narcissist, hellacious long divorce, and still dreaming about the bastid. I ain't ready for a repeat of that, and it is presicely that which I fear right now. I'm giving myself a good two years before I even consider another possible relationship. I know myself too well.
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  • Sue C
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    You've got to get over your ex & accept the fact that relationship is OVER for good & you do not have to worry about him again. Once you honestly accept this fact, you'll finally be free of him. You also have to get over the fear that your present b/f is not like your ex, & don't "punish" him for thinking he's going to do the same to you as your ex did. He's a complete different person & he should not be taking the brunt of what your ex did to you. The sooner you accept the fact he's completely out of your life for good, the sooner you'll be completely over w/him. It's not fair to be putting your fears & tho'ts of someone else on him. You've got to let go of it & of your ex. Actually, you're the one who's keeping him in your life by thinking of him. Let him go & stop allowing him to control your mind by thinking of him. He's not worth the space you're allowing him to clutter up your mind. Only you can take away that control you're allowing him to hold over you. Put him in your past & leave him there. Start a whole new beginning w/your new b/f & treat him w/the respect & love he deserves. Make up your mind you're going to completely start over & start treating your new b/f completely different & do your best to make him happy. He deserves it & you should be giving it to him from now on. You could even tell him you have a whole new change of attitude & you're going to prove it to him & do it. Actions speak louder than words, so start to show him. I do wish you the best, & know you CAN do it...:)

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  • 1 decade ago

    I do think you are somewhat over him but deep down you still need to vent some things out to him. It is only natural to think about your ex, we all do. You should probably talk to your current boyfriend and tell him why you always get so paranoid and panicky. With his help he can help you to let go and let love.

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  • 1 decade ago

    That Sucks, I don't think your over him. I think you are searching for somesort of closure, you spoke of making him feel pain, that leads me to believe you want him to pay for what he did to you. Unfortunatly your boyfriend now is probally just a pawn in your revenge, you want your ex to now that your happy and he means nothing to you. Maybe you should talk to a professional about it, but try to let things go, before you ruin things with your current BF

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    you're not over your ex, you have just somehow learned to numb the pain of thinking of him. you need to let go of everything that ever happened with your ex, and love wholeheartedly your new boyfriend. Love like you have never been hurt. good luck

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    He wormed his way into your heart and broke it; its HARD to get over things like that. I advise seeing a Therapist, or getting some Sleeping pills.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Its natural to think about your ex. Your over him. You are just more cautious because of your ex. I think about my ex all the time and Its been 5yrs since he dumped me. Hope I helped.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Yes you can be over him but only if you forgive him. Also forgive yourself for all the anger etc. that you have felt.

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