Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

Why was it that I felt I needed to do this?

All my life, up until a certain point, I did not have a girlfriend. I always felt that my mom kinda tried to perhaps stray me away from seeing anyone. She never encouraged me to talke to them or anything. When I was 15, I wanted to put up a Pamela Anderson poster up o my wall. One day when she got angry with me for whatever the reason was, she came into my room and tore it down. It was NOT a naked poster. But she just said that I want only something thats my "Appropriate". As if looking at girls was a no no for me:/ So I could not have them on my wall, I always felt kinda like a bad boy whenever I got the chance to look at a girl in a Victoria's Secret magazine, and I always felt as if me having an iterest in th opposite sex was restricted. ot that my mom wanted me to be gay, LOL, just that she kind of always thought of me being permanetly 2 years old or something. We got a computer back in 93. In those days, computers oly had one account setting. I was 16 and one night, started putting pics of victoria's secret models in lingerie ranging from Stephanie Seymour to Laetitia Casta up on the computer screen.However, I did not get yelled at for having those on. Not even spoken to. It went on for about 2 more years. Then I started looking at other girls of other races. ow let me tell you this, I'm white and my mom is not only kinda selfish whe it comes to what who I want to go out with. God forbid, if I saw an Asian girl. Asians have always been my fav ever since my dad was alive. He died when I was 12. I always wanted to go out with an asian girl. Well back in 99, I started putting up these 2 Asian girsl named Morena Corwin, and Sung Hi Lee. Now here is the thing. The pics of them would practically be the same as Stephanie's and Laetitia's. Revealing but never nude. Only then, when I started having their pics did I see a slight reaction. Then I switched to a latina chick, Adriana Lima. Now the question is, after all that time, why would she, my mom, react slightly to those? And why did I feel it to be ok, feel comfortable, or even (In a non sexual way) get some excitement frm having this pics on the screen or even screen saver??? I am pretty sure I have the answere to my own question, but I think I may ot at the same time.

My own theory was that I felt repressed or something and I was combating.

2 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You need to grow up and make your own decisions...good luck =)

  • 1 decade ago

    Your mother did seem to be very over controlling when it came to your sexuality. I can imagine that had to be so very frustrating for you. You felt like you were not allowed to be like other boys your age and I am sure there was some animosity that came along with that. I am also sure that a part of you knew that your mother was over-reacting and that how she behaved wasn't exactly right. (That's not to say that she didn't instill some guilt in you- which should be dealt with)

    Anyway, the reason she reacted to the Asian girls might be because of her own personal biases and past experiences. I do not know how the relationship was between your mom and dad but it might stem from something that happened between them.My father had an affair on my mother when I was 7 and I didn't know about it till I was 18 and he repeated the action. Since your father passed away, if he had cheated on your mother... you may never know it. This might be why she was so over-protective of your sexuality. It may have also been with an Asian woman which is why she eventually reacted to that picture. Once you got the computer, she may have been resigned to let you grow up some but the picture of the Asian may have sparked some emotional issues for her if there had been another woman and she had been Asian.

    As for your slight enjoyment of the reaction and wanting to put those pictures up there. That is because you were fighting back after having been repressed for so long. There is a certain amount of pleasure in finally getting the upper hand with a parent sometimes.

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