Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

Marriage invite who name is first?

Hello on the Marriage Invite who name is first? Is it the husband or wife.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    A proper invitation includes ONLY the following five or six pieces of information:

    WHO is hosting the event

    WHOM they are inviting as guests

    to WHAT

    WHERE

    and WHEN

    (and HOW to reply if necessary)

    Your question applies to three of these points: WHO (the hosts), WHOM (the guests) and WHAT (the bride and groom).

    If you are asking about the ***Hosts***

    ==============================

    In a VERY traditional and conservative situation, only the hostess's name is used: "Mrs John Smith / requests the pleasure &c...." This is because by early Victorian standards the woman is responsible for the social arrangements of the whole household.

    For a merely "very" traditional married couple where the wife uses the husband's name socially, the hosts name themselves as "Mr and Mrs John Smith" .

    For a married couple where the wife uses her own name, the hosts refer to themselves as either "Mrs Jane Smith and Mr John Smith" or "Mr John Smith and Mrs Jane Jones". Whether the wife has the same last-name as her husband or not, she uses her full name, and her husbands full name, even if it means writing the same surname twice. The order -- lady first or gentleman first, is up to considerable debate as traditions change, as follows:

    1) The oldest rule is: put the lady's name alone.

    2) The next-oldest rule is: put the gentleman's name first because he "goes ahead" in public engagements to protect the lady and clear a path for her.

    3) The next-oldest rule is: put the lady's name first because a gentleman always lets ladies go first.

    4) The next-to-latest rule is: put first the person whose name is first in alphabetical order, because sexism is dead.

    If you are asking about the ***Guests***

    ==============================

    Where the wife uses the husband's name socially, the couple is named as "Mr and Mrs Smith". You don't say "John Smith" because presumably once the invitation has arrived at the right house there is only one "Mr and Mrs Smith" living there.

    For a married couple where the wife uses a different surname address the invitation to *either* "Mrs Jones and Mr Smith" or "Mr Smith and Mrs Jones". As above, the order varies with changing tradition:

    1) If the husband and wife have a different surname, the lady is listed first because she is responsible for all the family's social engagements: the lady's name only is used on the outer envelope, but both names appear on the inner envelope.

    Options 2) 3) and 4) are as above.

    5) A new (and unacceptable) standard has been proposed that you put first the name of the person you actually want at your wedding, and put second the one that you're only inviting because you have to. Do not use this rule: it is rude to even *think* that some of your guests aren't really wanted.

    If you are asking about the ***Bride and Groom***

    =======================================

    The bride's given names (including her middle name or names) are listed first , no title is used, and her surname is not used unless it is different from the surname of the hostess: "to the wedding of their daughter / Mary Katherine"

    The groom's full name follows the bride's, including both his surname and title: "to Mr Richard Henry Black".

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  • 1 decade ago

    Do you mean when you address them? For that, you address to Mr. & Mrs. John Smith.

    If you mean on the actual invitation who is listed first (bride or groom) then the bride and the bride's parents get first billing. For instance:

    Jane Jones

    and

    Steve Smith

    invite you to celebrate

    or

    Martin and Mary McDonald

    and

    Peter and Patricia Patton

    request the honor of your presence

    at the wedding of their children

    Michelle May

    and

    Preston Parker

    Note that the couples are listed husband first, but the bride and her family always get to come first in the invite.

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  • 1 decade ago

    The brides name is always listed first, and the brides family is always listed first (if everyone is hosting/helping to pay).

    When addressing the invitations it's usually Mr & Mrs. John Smith, or Mr. John Smith & Mrs. Jane Doe if they have different last names.

    Here is a template maker link for how to work the invites: http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/weddin...

    And here is a list of how to address the invites to your guests, for any possible name/couple situation:

    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/weddi...

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  • 1 decade ago

    The Bride's name goes first. Look at wedding invitation websites if you want to double check us, like:

    http://www.rexcraft.com/

    http://www.carlsoncraft.com/index.cfm?intMenuItemI...

    http://www.weddingpaperdivas.com/

    Same goes for your married initials: bride's first name initial, married last name, groom's first name initial (ex: Mary and Tom Smith would be MST)

    Good Luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Its always the husband. that is first.

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  • 1 decade ago

    the bride

    Source(s): my soldier is almost home from the sandbox!
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