Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

what about this one i recieved today interesting or not ?

If you're not familiar with the work of Boswell D. Rabbitsmith, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: 'I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.'

His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How can you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything seems to be coming your way, maybe you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not being smart enough to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... so far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death...twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.'

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

33 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

15 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Gems indeed.

    # 9 was my favorite

  • L-Rad
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    1. I've been fighting for one for years. How many people do I have to hospitalize?

    2. Make them your employees too; they'll always expect a late or missing paycheck.

    3. The other half is lower than that.

    4. And that 1% never gets cases with the big money.

    5. Does that other percentage already exist?

    6. But in the end, everything else will be hurting.

    7. According to your #6, does a clear conscience mean you're in pain all the time?

    8. If you want the rainbow, buy a bag of Skittles.

    9. Sorry, that doesn't work over the internet.

    10. The early bird gets the worm, which means the early cat gets the bird.

    11. What were you thinking?

    12. Obviously slow, it lasts longer than light.

    13. When it starts getting color

    14. If you don't overlook something, you'll see the horrible truth of everything.

    15. But it gets you ice cream and extra t.v. time.

    16. When nothing is coming your way, you're driving down a one-way street.

    17. When you're smart enough to be lazy, that's called determination.

    18. So work hard when, In the grave? It takes a lot for a corpse to turn over.

    19. Why, are you gonna get a big paycheck? If so, sign me up!

    20. You always see her with her sisters Skipper and Kelly. The question is: Where is their mother?

    21. Hey, at least eagles aren't considered the pests of society.

    22. Game Over.

    23. What if a tree's up ahead?

    24. The same reason they ask for your money.

    25. There are always witnesses to trial and error. Especially error.

    26. Yeah, but then you get to thinking about the sequel.

    27. True, but then you'll have something to brag about.

    28. But what about melted butter and burnt toast?

    29. To steal them all but using reference is paying homage.

    30. Then when you catch up, you get to fall back.

    31. Why'd you skip 31?

    32. I guess everyday living is just the video camera rolling.

    33. If your car could travel at the speed of light, could you get a speeding ticket?

  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

    These two are definitely my favorites!

  • 1 decade ago

    If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

    When everything seems to be coming your way, maybe you're in the wrong lane.

    Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

    Good points,Duckie. But the ones listed above are my fav.

    Love the Duck!!

    Source(s): Me, Myself & I
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  • 4 years ago

    Call them, and record the conversation, anything happens, like they tell you that it was for 18months, tell them a sales associate gave you wrong info and therefore you were mislead they most likely will let you keep your new phone :P or just go to the store and inquire about it

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Lol, They All Really Made Me Think, Congratulations ^-^

  • 1 decade ago

    These a re hilarious! Most of them are absolutely brilliant!

    I'm definitely looking this guy up!

  • 1 decade ago

    depression is anger without enthusiasm - so true LOL

  • 1 decade ago

    i love the very first one in the intro!

  • 1 decade ago

    verry good....

    '' you cant out run death,but you sure can make the b@stard work for it ''

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