Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

請文法高手幫我改文法喔 謝謝

Some young children spend a great amount of their time taking part in sports because it helps to relieve stress. However, they might damage by themselves while they exercise.

I agree that high schools should allow students to study the classes that they want to study because students can learn more efficiently. Then, students are willing attending classes. Moreover, it can decrease the amount of students to harm them.

I disagree that it is better to be a member of a group than to be the leader of a group because people might lose opportunities training themselves. Being a leader, sometimes do not need to do things actually. Moreover, people might have a sense of accomplishment due to a leader.

I think that the most import room in a house is a guest room. Relatives and friends can live in a guest room when they have to stay longer. Besides, a guess room can regard as a storeroom. Some foreign supervisors can live with you when they are on business trips.

I prefer to some items can be made by machine because those item might much cheaper. Those items are easier to fix. Moreover, I can find more references because I can surf on the internet to ask the used experiences.

If I can make one important change in a school that you attended, I hope all of the students should wear the uniforms. The students can save time for choosing clothes to wear. They might notice their behavior outside campus. They can save money from buying cloth because they do not have much time to show off.

請大大幫我改文法 (不是改句子唷) 有錯的地方麻煩幫我

大寫 HIGHLIGHT 起來 謝謝您

Update:

超厲害的 師者傳道授業解惑也

沒關係 粘在一起的部分OK 的 請問一下唷 紅色部分是???

我有錯的地方嗎@@? 不好意思 ^^ 謝謝您幫我 用心改 您真是個好老師唷!!

Update 2:

紅色部分是因為我用太多 改寫的意思嗎?? MODIFIERS

1 Answer

Rating
  • Kieve
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Someyoung children spend a great amount of their time taking part in sportsbecause it helps to relieve stress. However, they might damage bythemselves while they exercise.

    Iagree that high schools should allow students to study the classes thatthey want to study because students can learn more efficiently. Then,students are willing attending classes. Moreover, it can decrease theamount of students to harm them.

    Idisagree that it is better to be a member of a group than to be theleader of a group because people might lose opportunities trainingthemselves. Being a leader, sometimes do not need to do thingsactually. Moreover, people might have a sense of accomplishment due toa leader.

    Ithink that the most import room in a house is a guest room. Relativesand friends can live in a guest room when they have to stay longer.Besides, a guess room can regard as a storeroom. Some foreignsupervisors can live with you when they are on business trips.

    Iprefer to some items can be made by machine because those item mightmuch cheaper. Those items are easier to fix. Moreover, I can find morereferences because I can surf on the internet to ask the usedexperiences.

    IfI can make one important change in a school that you attended, I hopeall of the students should wear the uniforms. The students can savetime for choosing clothes to wear. They might notice their behavioroutside campus. They can save money from buying cloth because they donot have much time to show off.

    2008-08-30 15:30:11 補充:

    Overall a good attempt in the writing. Most were understandable, though need some small adjustments. Please be careful with long sentences with too many modifiers. The biggest problem I have with the writing is using too many words to convey your point. There were also some awkward word choices.

    2008-08-30 15:30:29 補充:

    At your current writing level, I would suggest keeping the sentences simple, short, and to the point.

    When I post the answer, some of the words were jammed together. Those I have no control over. If you want to discuss each sentence further, please email me or post on my website.

    2008-08-31 02:24:32 補充:

    紅色的可能是:用錯字、動詞不合文法、多出的字或少個字。

    黃色部份:要改的較多或不是很通順的句子。

    分段解說:

    I prefer some items be machine made because they might/would be cheaper.

    (Since you are stating a preference, you already know they are cheaper, so "would" would be better than "might" even though grammatically it is correct.)

    2008-08-31 02:25:07 補充:

    Those items are [also] easier to fix.

    (If you use "would" then adding also would make the sentence flow better)

    2008-08-31 02:26:04 補充:

    Moreover, I can find more references because I can surf the internet to ask others about their experiences.

    (Since you used "ask" then you need to have a object that takes the verb.)

    2008-08-31 02:33:31 補充:

    精簡:I prefer some machine made items because they are cheaper and easier to fix. There are also more references/information on the internet for these items.

    ("I can find..." is ok. However, it'd be better to avoid too many sentences all starting with "I...")

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