Me and my girlfriend arent intimate.?

Ive been dating my girlfriend for about 16 months. Shes 16 turning 17 and Im 17 turning 18. We are both going to college in a few weeks and lately for the past months thing have been going down the drain.

I still love her with all my heart but it appears that her "passion" has gone away although she says that it is coming back little by little. I always told her passion was important and she never beleived me so as you can see, she finally experienced it. Now, I've never asked for much and Im not one to pressure her. I dont pressure her to do anything at all.

I just find it weird that we never kiss at all, for almost 2 months. I mean, we are both still virgins and I figure if the least of her worries is her boyfriend asking her for a kiss than she shouldnt be complaining.

Ive told her that she is treating me like a best friend instead of a boyfriend seeing as we are not intimate and she said that Im still a bf to her and that she loves me and the passion is coming back. When she first told me about her passion going away I won't lie, I cried my heart out because I truly thought she was the one. My high school sweetheart, the girl who I had my eye on the first week of my freshman year and finally got my junior year. Now, Im ok with us going to different colleges seeing as we are still going to live at home, shes going to an all girls school and Im going to a university. She wants to be a doctor and I want to be a lawyer. We have big dreams. And I mean, I think she is the one. And she thinks that aswell. She tells me that she doesnt know about the middle but she sees the rest of her life with me someway somehow, us together.

It's just so hard to beleive when she wont even kiss me. And its not even a making out kiss, its just a simple show of affection and she doesnt want it. I mean her birthday is coming up soon, and I just dont know what to get when shes acting like this. Shes hurting me and I've told her all of this, I dont want to get the girl who wont even give me a kiss something very nice. And its not even like Im doing it because I want "more" its just my feelings are mixed up.

She says she still wants to be with me but I cant help not believing her sometimes. I mean shes my babe, my princess. I'd give her the world if I could. I mean though, I felt so hurt the first time she told me her passion was gone so hurt that its all gone. I'm at the point where I literally think that Im her best friend right now and that there is nothing extra in it for me anymore and if we were to break up it wouldnt hurt as much because I'm already a best friend. But that doesnt mean I want to. I LOVE her to death.

I just want more. Please give thoughtful advice on this situation that I am in.


Thanks for all of the good advice guys and gals. And yes I am still a virgin, I have so far chosen to be up to this point in my life till I met my current girlfriend. And shes not cheating on me for future reference.

I am going to hang out with her tomorrow and will give her a final talk. If things don't work out I will just give us a break. I mean I don't know how I'll handle it though if it did happen, as in being friends with her. I don't want to be a jerk to women at all. I love and respect women. Every woman should be treated as a princess by at least one person in their life. But, if this does not work for me, than being a nice guy just did not work out for me =/ It seems girls just want a guy who can hook up with them and Im at the age where I shouldnt be focused on a long term relationship but I cant help wondering what could be, what would be and what should be with her. Id marry this girl behind a dumpster if I had to. Any second, any minute, any day. No regrets, no worries

Update 2:

Btw, we used to be VERY intimate ;3 but the past 6 months things slowed down. Not alot just some things kind of stopped due to lack of alone time. But the past 2 months have been so bad, not a single kiss. And shes not the I love you person. I say it, and she says it rarely.

Update 3:

Me and her had a very long talk in person today and we both got alot of things off my chest. She made it clear that she loves me alot and does not want to break up with me and things are starting to look better. I got that first kiss feeling after she kissed me for the first time in about 2 months. Couldnt have planned it better myself. Thanks for the advice gentlemen and ladies. Oh, for anyone else who ever goes through something like this, she stated the reason why she didnt want to kiss me was because she felt I wanted her to, and she does not liked to be pressured or forced. Kind of like the girl who wants the guy who doesnt want them sort of thing.

21 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You want more? Sounds like you have a girl, and need a women.

    Source(s): Call me sometime ;]
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  • 1 decade ago

    I have actually been in this exact situation. I was in the same position as your girlfriend so I can give you some good advice. Everything I'm going to tell you isn't for sure what's going on with your girlfriend but it was for me.

    She says she lost her passion, which is true. It's gone, but with some space- possibly a break, it will come back if you two believe you are on this earth for each other.

    About the not kissing thing. It could be 2 things. Either she doesn't want to kiss you because she feels that if she does and she doesn't feel something it means your relationship together is done and it scares her, or she just doesn't want to because she could possibly feel the same way as you, as in feeling like your best friends. So it might be weird for her.

    Those are the key points I believe you were asking about so I really hope it helped. Remember, the things I said were what I was feeling when I was with my ex so it might not all be 100% the same with your girlfriend.

    You sound like you really love her and I hope all the best for you two!

    And now that I read that she's not an "i love you" person it also relates to me. It shows me that she's not ready to be in a serious relationship just yet , she must have thought it was going too fast thats why everything has slowed down. And she can't say it because it scares her to think she's only 16 at the time and this is already happening to her . A break is a very good thing to do right now before you lose her forever

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  • This advice runs against what most people will tell you, but it is often quite effective.

    1. Be a man of integrity and preserve your virginity for marriage!

    (If it's technically too late, then start again.)

    There is something attractive about a guy that's not constantly pressuring for sex!

    2. Be content to just be a friend even if that's all it is. I did this once with a girl and ended up spending more time with her than her boyfriends. It may take a few months or even a year, but if you invest in a no-strings-attached freindship, you will soon see she is spending most of her free time with YOU.

    3. If you got THIS far, DON'T FOUL IT UP by making the first move. She will let you know when she is ready to move from friend to GIRLFRIEND. Your probably OK, just cool your jets and wait. In the mean time feel free to date others if she does the same. She may get jealous herself, but don't TRY to make her jealous. If it happens, it happens. If you try to milk jealousy IT WILL BACKFIRE!

    4. Be patient, and be confident that your friendship is valuable and that it, in time can grow to something more. Being a whiner will turn her off.

    Try this and you may see it works! I was a friend to a girl, and now I am her HUSBAND!

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  • 1 decade ago

    First, you've written a very long and painful letter. It's obvious how much you care for this girl and how much she means to you.

    So it's a no brainer that this sudden distance between you is hurting like hell.

    I don't know why she says she still cares for you but she won't kiss you. All I can think of is that her feelings have gone but she doesn't want to lose you as a companion, or she wants the status and security of having a boyfriend but she doesn't have boyfriend/girlfriend feelings for you any more.

    Unfortunately, at this age, feelings can come and go. It's almost impossible for a couple to keep going past college. Your age is meant for experiencing strong feelings but not long-lasting relationships.

    "I'm at the point where I literally think that Im her best friend right now and that there is nothing extra in it for me anymore and if we were to break up it wouldnt hurt as much because I'm already a best friend."

    I think you said it all right there. The relationship is a disappointment now and doesn't provide what you want. It's almost like a broken toy; there's no use keeping it, is there?

    You sound like a very intelligent and warm person who is strong enough to work through this and go on to have many more meaningful relationships. good luck my friend xxxoxoxoxoxx

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  • 1 decade ago

    This is unusual, but I will have a few guesses as to what is going on. Maybe she is seeing someone else and she doesn't want you to totally go ballistic or suicidal if she tells you, because it sounds like you are in this very emotionally. She is waiting till you get pissed off with the withdrawal of affection, and decide to leave her. If she liked you at all she would kiss you. She may be practicing passive resistance, punishing you for some shortcoming that you are not even aware of, but something she expects you to do that you are not doing. It might be something she has hinted that you should do, but you haven't noticed the hint. She may be having mental problems. She may just be sadistic and wants to witness your suffering. Don't torture yourself any more, wondering and waiting. Get someone who appreciates you. You haven't had enough experience to know that you'll probably fall in love with lots of girls before you marry. When she says she still wants to be your girlfriend etc, it probably is so that the moment you realise its all over, is put off into the future so the break seems more gradual and there won't be one specific moment that you spit the dummy and perhaps attack her physically.

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  • 1 decade ago

    This is SUCH tough spot to be in. Unfortunately as passion fades so does the relationship in most cases. Tenderness/passion can be a barometer for the health of the relationship. When people grow distant they are disconnecting. Unfortunately if your oppinion has been voiced the more you try to reconnect the more they will tend to drift. When this happens the best thing you can do is give them time. By time I mean isolation from you. I don't know why but I do know this - If you keep trying to fix it she will lose respect for you. Once this happens your chances plummet. But if you can give her the space she needs her respect for you can grow. No games just give her the time she needs (don't tell her that just do it for both of you). She will remember what she saw in you. It may take a LONG time. But if you rush things now that long time will change to NEVER. Get busy, get on a self improvement kick to occupy your mind. Get some new clothes, join a gym, cut your hair, detail your car - everything. Just keep busy. This way you will give her the gift of missing you. Hopefully it is a gift she will appreciate.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think dude its time to confront her face to face. Actually girls are lousy when its comes with showing off some physical affection. They are more verbal like...." i love you,.... i like your this and that" and they want that from a guy too. But here as you said you are going out for so much time and you both being virgins and all ...seems to me that girl needs a talk.

    Maybe she is forced by parents not to do kissing and stuff before marriage or may be some religion thing. before you come t any conclusion try to put your self in her shoes and think why she does that. Is she shy? Or shes may be thinking that the 1 lil kiss would lead to sEx or something.

    YOU MUST BE THINKING I AM CREATING NEW PROBLEMS RATHER THAN HELPING YOU. But dude you gotta help yourself in life. Only solution i think is face to face talk.

    Girls have their expectation or needs from relationship, guys have them too... so if you think something is missing.. its your right to ask her about it.

    But i will advice your strongly to not to force her into something she doesn't want ok. And keep your clam when you talk to her an try to understand her.

    tell me what happens if you follow my advice..

    hope it helps... =)

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  • 1 decade ago

    So your saying you've never kissed since you started dating at all???

    And could it be a possiblity that she's not ready believe it or don't believe some people have to take time.. I mean ask yourself you stated that you really love her no matter what right? so if she decided to wait on anything is that a bad thing? And if you love her the way your telling us here you do, than you have plenty of time and would be willing to wait... then you'll know its the real thing but if you don't wait I would say that you didn't love her that much.. best of luck

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ahhhh, reading this made me almost cry. you seem like the sweetest guy ever. and she is sooo lucky to have you. she just doesnt know it and that bugs me. she needs to realize what she has. right now shes taking advantage of you. im not sure exactly what you need to do. i wouldve suggested talking to her but since you already did that then im not sure. maybe on her birthday just try giving her a simple kiss and see what she does. if you guys are bf and gf then yes you guys need to kiss sometimes. thats rediculous if you dont. and yes i know what you mean about feeling like her best freind. maybe you could write her a letter and let all your feelings out on paper. i know you have already told her how you feel but maybe if she reads and sees it. it might change her perspecitve.and tell her that you love her to death and would anything to not lose her but right now being with her is hurting you and you dont know what to do. and tell her its not that you want "more" you just want a meaningful kiss once in a while and thats all. tell her you love her more than anything but that if you guys dont want the same thing then it will be hard for your relationship to work. and that you want it to work so badly cuz you think shes the one for you and its gonna kill you to have to do this. just tell her all you want is a kiss every now and then. best of luck to you and hoenstly i do wish you the best. this has to be so hard for you and you seem like an amazing guy. im sorry you have to go thorugh this.

    please answer mine i need some help.;_ylt=AraaD...

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Klaus T is an ***. don't listen to him. I think its sweet when boys can express their emotions. Thats one reason i like the guy i do. If you are 100% positive that you are in love with her then hold onto her but sit her down and amek it clear to her that all you want is a simple kiss to show affection and you aren't asking for anymore and you just seem confused how she treats you like a best friend and you want to be treated like a boyfriend. And if she says that she thinks of you as a boyfriend, dont accept that. tell her that you know she still considers you as a boyfriend but you dont feel like one and if she really wants to be your girlfriend she would show the slightest bit of affection! Maybe she is too prude. College will possibly bring her out of her shell but idk since its an all girls school.

    Hope i helped and Good Luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I'm lost at the 'she lost her passion' part. What's that about? She either loves you or not -- passion just doesn't come and go.

    I agree with Alecia a weird way. o_0 You are in a young, inexperienced relationship (on both ends). She sounds immature. Not saying she's not the one for you, but she's either moving slow because she's inexperienced (not saying thats wrong) or she's not being honest about her feelings - or lack of- for you. now you are off to college...and you want to consumate your relationship is the bottom line of things.

    If she won't kiss you, at this point, I don't see her going to bed with you.

    My advice is...prepare for drama with this young (minded) girl who's not ready for too much of anything.

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