19 year old son with bad break up?

How do I help my 19 year old son get over a break-up after being with this girl for 5 years? I remember my heartache of my first love and I know it just takes time. He has been crying for days and all I can do is hold him. That make him sound like a baby but he is not, he is usually the most toughest kid when it comes to emotions. I cry when I think of how bad he is hurt. They live together, got evicted and then came to stay with me. Last week she came home from work and said she was done and didn't love him anymore. I try to comfort him but also try to make him face the reality that this may be truly over. He is threatening suicide. She has come back everyday to pick up 2 or three things, she still has closets and draws full of her stuff plus a packed basement. Everytime he comes he loses it and breaks down. I try to tell him time will help but right now he doesn't believe me. I think the relationship just ran its course because they were high school sweethearts. I love her like my own but my son is my son and he is my priority. I told him maybe he should join the service and his answer was I didn't in the first place so that I wouldn't be away from her and if I do know, I know I will have lost her for good. How do I help him? I love him way too much to see this heartache and it brings back all the emotions i felt with my first love. She can't come back and pick up two items each day and then look him in the eyes and tell him she is done. I told him she needed to take everything so that way when he goes into his room, he is not reminded of her. He didn't like may answer....he says I'm making him cry to much. I love and adore her but how do I tell her without hurting him that if it is over, take everything so he can move on? My kids are my life and when they hurt, I hurt. They have always been my number one priority. He wants to die right now, says he has no future and would rather do something stupid so the police shoot and kill him. I tried to talk him into going to the mental health clinic to be admitted and he wouldn't hear of it. What does a Mom do when she is given this feedback when all she wants is for him to know she loves him and would do anything if possible to make things better. His heart is broken worse than mine, but I am crying my eyes out for his sadness. Please any advise would be appreciated

Update:

please replace some of the "know" words with now....I'm so baffled by this i can't grammatically spell right

Update 2:

the only drug I would give him is valium to calm him down. He does have ADHD but will not take medication

Update 3:

RB I like your answer, but I'm not a believer in god. I am a buddhist and believe in karma and the buddhist theory of karma is not that your life and future made of past mistakes. It actually relates to Newtows Law of Physics that for every action there is a reaction and your decisions today reflect your tomorrow. But I did like your answer of faith and thoughts

Update 4:

Her answer of breaking up with him was not anything he did but that she thought the relationship had run its course. Personally, i think she may have found someone else at work. I agree she needs to make a clean break and him not be here when she does.

12 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    You've been doing everything right as a mother. I'm personally an 18 year old guy.

    Plus I'm supposed to be a person who can be a bit tough and I don't lack emotions. I do come to times when I'm about to try but I always try to stay strong and positive.

    The thing is that he was with this girl for a long long time and now he feels like it's the end of the world. Right now he's looking into the present and it's the end of the world. I personally think he should try to look at the big picture. It's just to him like when he lost his girlfriend. It meant to him that the relationship has died as in someone just passed away.

    I think what would be best for him is to keep watching him as a hawk because there have been people who broke up and actually killed themselves. I know many times it's based off the adults or in this case your 19 year olds consent. But I think just for a month you can refer him to the police to a mental clinic but it would make things worse though. He might want to kill himself in a place of rehab.

    Personally you just let keep telling him the bright sides to not having a girlfriend. Plus many relationships break up in high school so you did good for making a relationship lasting for five years. But for right now I'd take all the girlfriends stuff out of his room so he isn't reminded of it. Also if he lived in an apartment with her. Plus the girlfriend is still giving his things. It might be good to ask her to throw out his things and not give it to him. Just so your son doesn't have to see the girlfriend until he feels better.

    It'll be months but he should get over it once a lapse of time happens. I mean you can keep crying and crying. But eventually you can run out of energy and tears to cry. I hope I helped. But I'd have someone watch over him 24/7 if possible so he doesn't commit suicide because it is a very serious thing that I've heard that happened to tons of people.

  • What?
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I'm sorry the you are both going through this. That's terrible! First off, I know you love this girl(after 5 years of course you would), but you need to firm with her. She needs to get all of her stuff out of the house immediately. If it's not possible for her to do that, then at least take it all out of his room and put it in the basement. He doesn't need to be reminded of her on a constant basis. She's being cruel by not giving him any explanation and then showing up randomly to grab 2 or 3 things. She needs to take several boxes full of stuff if she's going to show up and she needs to call and come by when he isn't home so he doesn't have to deal with the pain of seeing her and realizing that it is over again and again. If he's talking suicide, keep a close eye on him. Have you asked him the full story? I'm not saying your son did anything horrible, but with the girlfriend coming around so often, it makes me wonder if maybe she was just upset with him and is wanting him to try and make things right? That could be a possibility. He deserves an explanation and some closure. He needs to ask her why, what went wrong, and then he needs to sever all ties to her if she's through with him. Good luck..I hope this helped some

    Source(s): I feel so bad for him..that's just awful! Just keep doing what you are doing. :) You are being a really good mom and I know he appreciates having you be there for him to lean on.
  • 1 decade ago

    I am sorry that your son is going through this difficult time in his life. Yes, you are his mother, but he is a man now and you need to let him deal with this loss in his own way. The best you can do for him right now is pray, pray and pray some more for him. Tell him that he is stronger than he realizes. There is so much to life than a relationship.

    God created him for a specific purpose, he has gifts that he can share with the world. Tell him he is not alone, people break up everyday and life goes on. Sometimes we have to meet the wrong people to allow God to present us to the right person. He has a lot of work to do. He has to get over this girl and start working on changing for the better so that when the right girl comes along he will have something to offer her.

    Tell him to pray and as Jesus for strength to endure this loss. It will make him stronger in the end. God bless you and your son.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    You should really check out Michael Fiore's video on how to get your ex back in a matter of days through text messages. It's crazy but it works, I never believed I could get back with my ex wife in this life time but it did happened. I cheated on her a lot of times and still we are back together (won't do it again), unbelievable what some psychology can do.

    Anyway, watch the video here: http://www.textyourexback.link - it will blow your mind. Good luck!

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  • well one. maybe you should talk to the girl. say look you dont love him he needs time away from you and if you keep coming back here hes just going to get nmore and more upset. she needs to come to the house and take every thing she owns and leave. because if she keeps coming its like a tease to him because hes just going to see her and keep beiong remibnded of the girl who he lost and cant have.

    MAYBE she needs to explain to him more in depth of WHY. instead of saying oh hey im not in love with you anymore..BYEE.

    also maybe you should get him some type of therapy if hes threatening to commit suicide and its really as bad as you say then maybe some outside help will work.

    i know its hard but all you can do is contiunue doing what ur doing now supporting hinm itlll take time 5 yrs is a long love to heal but eventually hell move on and be happy

  • Lola
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Wow. That does sound bad. Do not tell him to get over it. He's going to have to grieve properly. They say there are a steps to loss, and he'll have to go through them. I would encourage him anyway how to try to do new things. It's hard when your whole world walks away from you. Your doing a great job by letting him cry on your shoulder. If he talks suicide though he may need some therapy. Someone to talk to.

  • 4 years ago

    He's a big boy. My sister got married when she was 19 to a guy very much older than her. They are still married 35 years, 3 children and 3 grandchildren later. Your son's girlfriend's mother has just as much reason to worry. Look at it from her point of view. A 31 year old man, never married, going with a 19 year old. If you were this woman's mother, you would be worried SHE was making a mistake. Don't judge her before you know something about her. My sister was not going to dump her much older boyfriend and she was willing to settle down wtih the right man. Maybe this woman is too.

  • 4 years ago

    Winning Your Ex Lover Back - http://ExBack.GoNaturallyCured.com

  • 1 decade ago

    first what were u thinking letting ur son date at 14 ....he should be into sports or friends or just being a teenage ..i have two boys they don't date until 18 1 it school 2 is girls

    Source(s): ss
  • 1 decade ago

    I can kinda see why she left, I'd leave too. He'll get through it, I know it's hard on you both, but he needs to grow up. I don't know the best way to help him do that though.

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