How do I potty train my 4yo?

I am gonna lose it.

My 4 year old son REFUSES to potty in the toilet. I talk to him, about how important it is for him to potty in the toilet, about how he can't go to 'big boy school' if he potties in his pants, about how all his friends potty in the toilet. At the end of the last conversation, he looked at me straight in the eyes and said 'Mommy, you change my diaper. I'll just potty my pants'. UGH!!!! I want to SCREAM. I've TRIED letting him run without anything on. (HUGE messes.) I've TRIED cotton underwear and a teehirt (and, big messes). I've tried taking away tv (he loves his cartoons), but he doesn't care...he just lays on his bed and plays quietly...then pees all over his bed. I take both him and his brother to the potty like clockwork every 30minutes. My oldest seems to hold it in on purpose some times until about 5minutes later. Then comes to me with a cheesy grin and tells me he's pooped his pants.

This is having adverse effects on his little brother who, until a month ago, was potty training quite nicely. His little brother will be 3 years old in October.

I need them both potty trained now. WHAT DO I DO??



We've tried charts. He doesn't care about the charts. And the stickers, he just sticks all over his face. Then he peels them off and rolls them in a ball and tosses them at his walls.

*rolls eyes*

I don't know what to do.

I swear, I've tried everything.

Update 2:

He's autistic. I forgot to mention that.

5 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    He seems to get a lot of satisfaction out of telling you that he's pooped his pants - it appears to me that he's using this potty training thing as a way of getting to you (and it seems to be working). We all know that kids look for a way to push their parent's buttons and your son has found yours and is using it to the max!

    My advice to you would be to don't push the potty, don't ask him if he needs to go - just do nothing with him in reference to the potty for awhile. Continue to ask his little brother if he needs to go and follow what you have been doing with him since he seems to be catching on; reward your younger son as you normally would for using the potty. Once he's ready for underwear, make it a big deal - take him out to a special lunch with just you and him, and then take him to pick out some underwear that he likes. Maybe seeing his little brother making this big step in front of him will entice your older son into going himself. If he does follow suit, make sure he gets his special lunch and shopping trip with mom, too.

    My son is 4 and he did much better at going to the potty after I backed off him a little bit, but he's very stubborn and does things more easily when he thinks it's his idea; once I backed off about using the potty, he decided to go for himself and we haven't had any problems since.

    Also, just FYI, check with your local school district - they may take your son for preschool even if he is not potty trained, our district here does. The kids only go for 3 hours, so it's not that big of a deal and also, most of the kids that start school in pull-ups end up potty trained by the conclusion of the school year because they see the other kids doing it and want to do the same. It will also be good for both of you, as well as your younger son, to have a little break from each other every day - you'd be amazed at what a difference a few hours away from each other will make.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I agree with no 3 (duck_a_d..) answers, make a big fuss about your youngest child using the toilet and doing it correctly like a big boy, and leave your 4yo for a little while he will do when he's ready and it really sounds like he wants the attention from you, and without realising it your givin it to him..

    When my son had his "slip-ups" and he was doing it on purpose I ignored him.. I would walk straight past him clean up his mess and I showed no emotion to what he had done.. I also told him that he should do it on the toilet next time because doing it on the floor is silly boys behavior.. Wont always work for everyone of course.. You gotta find your own way and it sucks having to deal with all the mess too..

    He also obviuosly knows wen he needs to go, so he will wen hes ready.. But once he does on his own, make sure you make a big deal out of it, show him the happiness u showed for your youngest son.. I'll ask him after a few weeks of givin it a break a few weeks in a kids mind is a long time hehe..

    Keep tryin you'll get there.. :)

    Source(s): being a mother..
  • 1 decade ago

    The first step in toilet training is knowing when your child is ready. Jo reminds us of the two prerequisites: First, the child has to have physical control over his bowels and or bladder. (Note, control over these two functions don’t necessarily arrive at the same time.) This is usually occurs earlier than the next step. Second, the child must have the intellectual ability to understand the process and communicate his need to potty. Your child must be able to tell you - or grandma… or the baby sitter - that he needs to potty. This is probably around age 3, give or take a few months. Once your got the prerequisites in place, it’s all up to you, Mom and Dad.

    As with many things, when it comes to parenting a toddler the keys are praise and consistency. When the child does well, reward her. We use M&Ms at our house: One for sitting, two for peeing, and three for pooping. A little treat for a job well done. When there is an accident - and there will be accidents - don’t make a big deal of it. Odds are this isn’t malicious misbehavior, so there’s no need to scold or punish. Help your child understand what went wrong (Another reason why communication skills are a prerequisite.), and carry on.

    Now consistency. If you ever needed a reminder that raising kids isn’t about the parents’ convenience, this is it. When the say they’ve got to go, take them. Accept that you will be late on more than one occasion because they say they have to go at the last minute. Got a long trip planned? Well, if you haven’t started potty training, I’d advise you to wait until you get back. If, on the other hand you’ve already begun, suck it up and add 30% to you travel time estimates. This is not the time to explore back country roads.

    In addition to the absence of poopy diapers in your trash or laundry and extra dollars in your pocketbook, there is another bright side I thought of. Here is your chance to bug your child. Soon, if it hasn’t already started, your child will be asking you the infamous “Why?” question 1,000 times a day. Potty training is your revenge. You get to ask them, “Do you have to potty?” 1,000 times a day. Yes, they’ll get annoyed. But if you’re consistent and positive, you’re child will be done with the diapers and strutting around in Underoos in a matter of days.

    Source(s): Gotta love supernanny!
  • You should show him a chart that has all the days and show him stickers and let him know each day that you use the toilet you will get a sticker and when u completed the week you will get a price it work all the time . good luck i hope this was helpful.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    so who is the adult here clearly not you

    take control get rid of diapers and make him

    hes too old to still be in diapers

    the problem is you your lazy get off your butt and make him put him in underwear and take him potty once an hour.

    and get control this boy is running you punish him for mouthing off and for peeing his pants

    dont let him play in his room make him stay where you can see him. your lazy parenting is gonna get these kids in trouble

    get them in control or start saving money for bail and court fines

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.