Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

Invitation: Friends with wife, but not close to the husband?

Ok, so I'm obviously inviting both my bestfriend (a bridesmaid) and her husband to my wedding. My question is, what if I'm only friends with I still address to Mr. & Mrs. John Doe. If not, what are other alternatives and what would you put?

Also, my aunt has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for five years, they are living together and are practically married, but they aren't actually married. Do I address it, Ms. Jane Doe & Guest or do I address it, Ms. John Doe & Mr. John Doe (or the opposite)? This question also applies to the groom's older sister who has been in the relationship she's in for some time, but is not married.

Thank you for your help.


Well, I was going to invite them all. I was just asking how to word it.

8 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Bridesmaid who is married" Mr & Mrs. John Doe

    Aunt and live in Ms Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith [since they are not married and I assume they have different last names]

    If the groom's sister is being invited with a guest then Miss Joan Jones & Guest

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  • 1 decade ago

    For the bridesmaid and her husband you would address it Mr. and Mrs. John (and Jane) Doe. That's the traditional way of doing it - has nothing to do with who you know better.

    For your aunt and her boyfriend you would address it Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe. I'm assuming they don't have the same last names as they aren't married, correct?

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  • 1 decade ago

    For married people, it would be Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Doe.

    For unmarried people, even if they're practically married anyway, it would be Mr. John Q. Doe and Ms. Jane Q. Doe.

    If you are not close to your aunt's significant other at all, or your older sister-in-law, then it would be Ms. Jane Q. Doe and Guest.

    Just be sure to get the title (Ms. or Miss; some people prefer one over the other) correct.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Married Couples: Address to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, even if your friend is the female.

    Single Couples: Address to Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe

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  • 1 decade ago

    For the bridesmaid and her husband, Mr and Mrs John Doe.

    For the aunt and her boyfriend Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe

    Same for the sister. Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Doe

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  • 1 decade ago

    Correct form is to address it using the social form that your friend prefers. On the inner envelope, only the title and surname are correctly used, so it is relatively straightforward to use "Mr and Mrs Doe" -- you don't have to worry about either "Jane" or "John".

    On the outside envelope in English-speaking countries outside of the United States, it is actually most proper to address the envelope only to the lady of the house (a sexism entrenched in the days when ladies were responsible for the family's social life, and gentlemen for its economic life). In that case if your friend normally goes by "Ms Jane Doe" you would simply use that, although if she routinely refers to herself as "Mrs John Doe" (some ladies do!) then you must use that form.

    Even in the U.S. where the outer envelope is democratically addressed to both man and woman, some modern women are offended by not being allowed their own given name. In that case it is perfectly correct to address it as "Ms Jane Doe and Mr John Doe". Do NOT under any circumstances address it to "Ms Jane Doe and Guest" -- the "and Guest" form is never correct, and for either a married couple or a common-law couple it is a vicious snub to the member of the couple who thus goes unnamed. In your aunt's case this would be "Ms Jane Doe and Mr John Smith".

    Or, vice versa. Opinions vary as to whether the man's name or the lady's name goes first on the envelope as follows (in order from most traditional opinion to most radical opinion):

    1) the man's name goes first just as he would enter first into a strange room -- in order to "protect" her from first notice by strangers (I don't make these things up, I just report them).

    2) the lady's name goes first because of the well-known rule "ladies first".

    3) the lady's name goes first because the man's name is the one that "owns" the surname, and so should never be separated from it.

    4) the names should be listed in alphabetical order because sexism is dead.

    Your choice, on that last one -- the only certain thing being that someone will tell you that you were wrong.

    Source(s): "Routledge's Manual of Etiquette" (George Routledge 1812-1888) The Canadian Style (Office of the Secretary of State for Canada) Frost's Laws and By-Laws of American Society (1869, Sarah Annie Frost) Miss Manners Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour (Judith Martin 1988) Mrs Thomas Gittins (1902-1982), primary research (unauthoritative, but a good reference of modern practices both good and bad -- sometimes very bad)
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If it is a serious relationship (like living together, engaged) then wedding ettiquette says you must invite both. It is a little rude not to invite the husband or wife. You should address it to BOTH names. If they are single and you are allowing them to bring guests then invite "Ms. Smith and guest".


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  • 1 decade ago

    Your best friend: If she's married you need to address it properly:

    Mr. and Mrs. David Doe

    For your aunt, she is not married no matter how much it seems like it so you put their names on separate lines.

    Ms. Ann Smith

    Mr. Norman Johnson

    When it's separate lines, it doesn't matter whose name goes first so it might as well be your aunt's.

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