The worst excuses you have been given for train delays and funniest announcments?

I have a couple here:- 1.(funniest announcment) 'We are sorrry for the delay but this is caused by leaves on the track, points failiure, signalling failure, awaiting a member of staff, a broken down train and a guard breaking down. Now I am fed up and am going home, let me know if they are able to think of... show more I have a couple here:-

1.(funniest announcment) 'We are sorrry for the delay but this is caused by leaves on the track, points failiure, signalling failure, awaiting a member of staff, a broken down train and a guard breaking down. Now I am fed up and am going home, let me know if they are able to think of another excuse for you all.'
2. (kinda funny but had to be their to really understand it) this train has been delayed by atleast 15 minutes, i repeat at least 15 minutes, except another identical message in exactly 14 minutes'
3.(worst excuse) 'this train has been delayed from departing the station due to a light bulb in first class blowing and we are currently awaiting an engineer to replace the bulb'

anyone else have some?
Update: travveling from weymouth to Poole:- 'the train has been cancelled due to hay bales on the track, we will be prviding replacement bus services until the hay is cleared'
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