My spouse informed me i need to work?

I have stayed home for the past four years because he did not want our four year old to go to daycare. And i had lupus. He is under some strain because he lost his job he got another job but his ex wife is taking him back to court for child support. Every time i tried to work he said no. Now he is saying i have been asking you to work for along time. And telling me if i do not get the job that makes the most money he will be mad. i went to school and i have a degree but i do not like that field. he isnt threatening to leave but he is saying if i love him i will make the most money. i feel like i am being used.

He also made fun of me because i have been depressed because im still grieveing the loss of a stillborn. it has been a year but he says its been a year i dont want to hear nothing else about it. you will get the job that makes the most money.

how should i feel?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You're still mourning the loss of your stillborn child. I also lost a child, stillborn, and even now, 23 years later, still mourn his loss. Your husband is not supportive, nor caring. You need a doctor's help to try to move on...and a more compassionate husband!

  • 1 decade ago

    Well, maybe its time you surprised your man and went out and did just what it is he thinks you should. It could be, that he is exaggerating the expectation that you make the most money but if you have a degree, maybe you are the one who can potentially make more money than he. This is difficult to judge, as you do not mention what his job/profession is. Nor do you mention your qualifications. Whatever the case may be, realistically, you should be pursuing work that you feel you can handle and in an area you feel comfortable and confident. It is true that the busier you are, the less time you will spend dwelling on past issues. So starting work may prove quite beneficial for you as you start mixing with other people, meeting new people and establishing yourself in the workforce, especially if you are doing something you like. Despite having a negative attitude towards work related to the area in which you studied, it might be time to at least give it a go. You might surprise yourself, as well as your husband. There is always the possibility that once you start a job, other more interesting doors will open for you, You have to start somewhere and it would appear that now might be a good time to give it a go.

    Source(s): www.counsellingaustralionline.com
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If the two of you agreed on you staying home, and now he's turning it around to make out like you're being a burden....don't allow him to twist that so you begin to believe it and begin to feel like a burden. He's being incredibly selfish. For the last 4 years you have dedicated yourself to raising the child the two of you created together and likely to making a beautiful home for him and said child. It is not your fault that his ex is requesting more child support. That would be the day that I'd get a job to pay $ to an ex wife. Screw that. It's his mess, he should clean it up with the ex, not automatically expect you to pick up his slack. Don't feel bad about still working through the grieving process for the baby you lost. Everyone is different. Eventually you will get to a point of acceptance and serenity with what happend, but you'll never forget and it's just reality that, as a man, he cannot fully understand the gravity of what has happened to you....yet the fact remains that he should be compassionate and respectful despite not fully knowing where you're at emotionally. Don't let him bully you with the guilt of "If you loved me you'd....." That's bullshit. If he loved you, he'd not even say that or use that kind of manipulation. He's being selfish. If you desire to stay home and be a mother in that way to your child, then do so. Don't allow him to push you out of your chosen way of parenting. You will resent him greatly in the long run....and you won't be happy or fulfilled with your parenting experience. Good luck to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like you need to get a job to help support the family. There is no reason you cannot work at this point. Getting out of the house and into the workforce may also help you get you to stop thinking so much about the your loss of your baby. It will keep your mind busy and occupied at least during the work day. If you have a degree you should put it to use and even though you may not enjoy the field it is the least you can do to help your family out financially. I don't see how you would feel used by his request. Currently he is out working to support the family while you stay home...do you consider that using him?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    He supported you for 4 years and you need to get a job now. BUT you need to find a job you like. He is wrong to bring up the lose of you child to make you feel guilty and what not. You need to talk to him and express what you want as well. You will have to work reguardless so just get use to that idea now. stay possitive and hopefully things work out. you should feel mad thought about him giving you the guilt trip.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    How dare he make fun of you for something so awful? Yeah he is using you big time. Only someone who is all about the money would dare to demand you work or hes out. Thats the most ridiculous thing Ive ever heard. How can your husband be so cruel to you? Leave his ***

  • 1 decade ago

    This sounds like he's under some serious stress and pressure, and taking it out on you. You both should try to talk to someone about the marriage. In the meantime, yes you should be working. If you have a degree, get out there and use it. Do what the rest of us do, find a job that you can tolerate, and make the most out of it.

  • 1 decade ago

    um unless it was agreed upon by both parties that you would be a stay at home mom, you shouldn't expect a free ride. Ever thought that maybe your husband might want a damn break too? I read your other question. To me it sounds like you are using every excuse to not work. I lost one child to being still born, and one in the 2nd semester. I still work, and find every chance I can get to contribute to our family. Yes it's fine to be a stay at home mother. But what your doin is whining cuz you husband wants you to get off your @ss and be a person again. Yes you have the right to grieve. But if it's starting to affect your relationship, that wake up lady, get help.

    as for him not wanting to talk about the stillborn, you do realize most men wont talk about such problems, for a few reasons, one cuz they know nothing about such things and how to deal with them, and 2 cuz they dont know how to process their pain, and yours. grieving takes time. If you been depressed for a year, and still cant function right, you seriously need help.

    Ok, I just finished the rest of your lil story. To me, you sound like a spoiled lil princess. You have a degree but dont like the field. seriously, in this day of age, one is damn lucky to be working at what they love. Get a job, and help your man pay the bills. Your husband is the one that is being used here.

    Source(s): working mom, and still grieves for our lost babies, I can still function, and dammit my hubby still loves me.
  • 1 decade ago

    Feel like you are being used? he supported you for 4 years, have you lost your whole mind. If finances need to be made, then you need to get up and find you a job. it may not make more than his, for him to stress you out with that is a little ridiculous, but you should have no problem going out into the work force. Its wrong for him to make you feel bad about your child that died, yes and its it wrong for him to keep telling you, you have to have make more than him, but I do think you should feel perfectly fine with going out and finding a job.

  • 1 decade ago

    In this day and age, you need at least two incomes per household to sustain yourself and your family. Nothing wrong with helping him out although his demands for you to get a job that "makes the most money" makes him sound unreasonable. You should find a job you actually like, not what he wants you to have.

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