how do I get men to see me as wife material or more than just a sexual fling?

I'm 25 yrs old and feel as if i ve never been in a "real" relationship.I've been used and abused by men and i really want to be in love or find my true love.All of the men that I meet just want to "kick it" they never want to take me out or show me off to their friends or family its always drinking, smoking and sex? I used to be kind of loose in my early twenties and made alot of bad choices but how do i get men to see me for the good woman that I am instead of just an easy lay? I feel as if i am attractive and i'm in school, i have my own car but i do still live with my mom...is that a factor?(i'm working on getting my own place)I've also lost many friends becuz of my past (altho ive never slept with any of their menand never would)How do u get a man's respect if u sleep with him too fast? I feel that just because a woman has sex fast in a relationship that doesnt make her worthless..maybe i'm just too easy but i dont know how to change, what do i do?

4 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds like you already know all the "ingredients" to enable a "real" and worthy relationship, but you simply enjoy having sex too much to change your ways. You're probably a good woman, but respect doesn't come from (and never will) an easy lay. I've been on dates with woman like you. I, too, took advantage of what I could get, and am ashamed of that behavior. It was quite difficult to resist the temptation of a beautiful, young, and virile woman. It took a long time for me to realize that true beauty lies within.

    Without reevaluating your current lifestyle and having the willingness to change it, men will always use you. To be respected, stop giving yourself away so quickly. I'll bet many of these guys keep coming back for seconds too. Right?

    Take the time to get to know someone without jumping into the sack the first night. If you want a guys' respect, make him work for the sex. Insist on real dates, to restaurants, movies, parks, malls, whatever. Try to stay out of the bar, where the booze loosens you up too much. You'll soon learn what he's about if he's willing to stick around through a long period of dating without sex. If he is, he's a keeper! It's up to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    OKay so you "feel that just because a woman has sex fast in a relationship that doesn't make her worthless"....but I doubt that their are too many guys that feel the same way....

    I'm not calling you a hoe or anything cause I really don't know you or your whole story but I do know that if you give it up too soon then the guy will become bored with you very easy....and guys don't care if you live with your mother; you're in school and you're obviously trying to do better with your life...so that's a plus!

    The next guy you meet you should be friends with him first (so he'll get to know you before you get physical) and also give it atleast a month (after you all have made it official that you all are a couple) before you have sex with him (it will be hard, but show him that you're worth waiting for...because you are!)....and don't meet guys in bars or clubs (try book stores, parks, churches, and other places where creeps don't hang...) a guy that you meet at a club has no intention on letting you meet his mother of carry his last name (of course their are exceptions but still..)....

    Just carry yourself with respect and distance yourself from men who don't show you the respect that you deserve!.... Good Luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    Start wearing panties on your first dates :-). Oh, and where the heck were you when I was looking for you. I would have taken you home to mom and taken you to company picnics as long as you were drinking, smoking, and balling my brains out. Okay, seriously--if I got into some gals pants on the first or second date, that was it. It was okay on the third date some of the time, but the women who made me suffer through a half dozen dates and meeting some of their friends before they took me for a roll in the clover had my undivided attention. Obviously I didn't marry them all, but I could have. I never looked down on the women who were, as you say, "easy", I just think the intimacy came so quick it made the follow-up hard to do. Look, I may have been the easiest guy in town and I bedded a few married women I wished I would have left alone, so I never judged a woman by her sexual behavior. Don't be so hard on yourself.

    ON SECOND THOUGHT:

    What I trying to say was I didn't think women who went to bed on the first, second, or third date were bad women, nor did I think they were any more promiscuis than I was and I didn't think they would make a cheating wife. Most of the women I went out and slept with were professional women, kept a fairly clean and orderly house, and were fun to be with. Some of them enjoyed sex and didn't want to wait forever, but my problem was in my thought process. I wanted the body and the fun that went with it, but I didn't want the committment that kind of intimacy can bring. What happened is, I probably missed out on a great love, or a really wonderful wife and mother because she couldn't keep her *** out of bed and I couldn't keep my pants on. So you see, in my case it wasn't a lack of respect; it was a fear of committment maybe, be it self-imposed or not. You're still a good person, just adopt a three or four date rule: No sex, including extra heavy breathing, and any hand jive. You may lose a guy or two after date one or two, but you don't want them anyway. The guy who comes around the third and fourth time is interested in you and not just what is between your legs.

  • 1 decade ago

    1. guys still practice a double standard. If you have sex too soon in the relationship (most heterosexual men--and a few gay ones--aren't going to refuse a naked woman in their bed) then once the blood starts flowing back to their brains they start to think about how quickly you slept with them, and then they start to wonder how many other men you've done this with, then they don't feel so special and start to imagine that they don't want the mother of their children to be easy, so you get moved to the F*ck list but taken off the meet the parents list.

    2. Take a hard look at the type of man you are dating. Most likely they aren't interested in anything but sex. You give them what they want and then they move on when you become boring or clingy or ::shudder:: start talking about a relationship. You can't get these men to see you as wife material because they don't want a wife. Once you let them see that you are wife material then they will dump you because you aren't fun any more.

    take a break from dating for a little bit and really think about what you want in a partner. What type of qualities/characteristics does this person you want to spend the rest of your life with have? How would this person treat you? Decide which qualities are non-negotiable--the qualities that are most important to you, whatever they are, that you MUST have or you won't waste time on the guy.

    Once you know what you want then start looking for him some place far away from the places you've been picking up these men you've been dating--because I guarantee you they won't be hanging with these guys.

    once you meet someone then decide if you want to get to know them or if you just want to play with them. The ones you play with you can move as fast sexually as you want, just understand that they are short term only. If you decide that you want to get to know them then take things slowly and see where it goes.

    Good Luck, happy hunting and have fun.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.