How do you tell a 4 year old?

My fiance and I are splitting up after 1.5 years of dating. When he asked me to marry him I explained to my daughter who's 4 that he would be like a daddy to her. Her father has never been around and is currently in jail so she was excited to hear this. How do I tell her that he will not be like a father to her anymore in fact he's going to disappear just like her father did? The worst part is that she's the reason he's leaving. He can't handle me having a child that's not his. Though he's played with her and she's grown to really love him. I'm soooo sorry, and i don't know how to tell her. please help me.

3 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    It's terrible that's he's decided to leave now that your daughter has grown to expect him to be there and be that father-figure she's never really had. He should have made sure that's what he wanted before he asked you to marry him, because it is unfair to you and the child.

    Even so, there is no way you should tell the child it's because you have a daughter that he is leaving. You have to tell her something like "mommy and ______ are having some problems and it doesn't look like things are going to turn out like we planned." Maybe that you and ______ discussed it and found that your fiance's lifestyle was not in your family's best interest.

  • 1 decade ago

    Just tell her the truth. Of course you won't tell her that he didn't want her. Just tell her that he have to go because you're not in good terms. You're child won't understand everything right now but as she grow up she'll learn about your situation. Children are more attached with mothers so you won't have a hard time to deal with it. She will forget him in due time. And next time you'll have a relationship dont tell to her that he will be his father that soon. If you and your future partner decided to settledown that may be the best time to tell her that he would be her father. But better to focus your time with daughter. Toodlers like her have many questions and needs that you need to pay attention into.

  • 1 decade ago


    "____ isn't going to be around anymore. He's going away. Mummy and ____ don't think that us as a family will work. We can still have fun though right?" then make a kid joke like "more chocolate for us eh?"

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