Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 1 decade ago

Is This Good Writing?

Do you see this as part of a book you would read? Is there anything wrong or any words that could be changed?

Thanx in advance!

I watched him as he sat down against the wall. Not meeting his eyes was becoming a bit of a bad habit.

“Josh,” I said slowly. “Josh, I really just…need to say that I…I really, really, really, really care about you. A lot. But I-”

“And now you’re choosing popular, beautiful, talented Ryan over me. Yeah, great, Charlotte. Bet you two will have little Ryalottes together and live happily ever after.” Josh sprang up from his haunches and pushed past me. I would NOT let him leave before he heard this. My hand grasped his desperately. He twirled around to face me and I was stunned to see tears glistening on top of his freckles. Words came out like mush as I started crying too. Josh took his hand out of mine and put in on my back, hugging me closer to him. Sobbing and babbling into his shoulder was all I was able to do. It got worse and worse as he planted gentle kisses on my forehead and started stroking my hair.

"Josh," I finally murmered. "Im choosing..." He tensed, his hand stiff on my back.

"You can relax you know. We all know how irresistable you are." I smiled into his chest.

"Me?"

"Yeah,"

"Me?" I thought I heard a smile in his voice.

"Yes."

"Me? Are you sure?" Yeah, definately smiling.

"Josh! Yes!"

He didn't need anymore, his lips were moving on mine and I really didn't have any objections.

:)

6 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Good teen fiction. Flesh out the dialogue more. Make the reader feel the movement between them. Are hearts racing? Are they blushing? Can she feel his warm breath on her neck? Give me details!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow that is good. That is really good. You have one mistake though.When you said "You can relax now. We all know how irresistible you are..." Well that should be connected to the paragraph above.

  • 1 decade ago

    "Josh! Yes!"

    "Josh, /yes/!"

    I'd say that line should be changed to that. The // means italics

    Other than that, it's good!

  • 1 decade ago

    oooooo I really like it. Good detail, lol it was short but I had the beginings of little tears in my eyes.I would most deffinatly read more.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Yeah, this is really good.

  • 1 decade ago

    HOLY ****!!! i love it!!! its better then mine!! please e-mail me the rest!! dont change any thing!! i love josh!! holy crap!!!! please e-mail me the rest if your writing more... please write more!! it is amazing

    oh, my e-mail is... dancer_girl337@yahoo.com

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