high school problem! sorry it is soo long! please help! much thanks!

hi! i am about to start my 10th grade year at my very small high school. this year i'd like to start over and have all the fun everyone else is claiming to be having. i've never been the new kid or anything so its not like i'm an outsider they just won't let in. i think it all stems from how things were going on in my home life from 8th grade to the end of freshmen year. honestly not to try to make anyone feel sorry for me or anything but i was very close to my step dad, more than my real dad and during that time his pill addiction got even worse out of control and he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and we lost him during my 9th grade year. to make matters worse his family was absolutely bitter and nasty during this process and the funeral. also i wouldn't say i have a bad attitude i just don't like being messed with.

ok though. personality wise i don't think i'm awful but am willing to take suggestions. i mean i can be the nicest person to a stranger but when they try to mess me over that's it. i am opinionated. i am creative. i love kids. all honors classes and honor roll. but i am bad at every sport and musical instrument, and yes i have tried.

looks wise i wouldn't say i'm an eye soar but i'm nothing special. i do do pageants. i'm just a little over 5' but i love high heels. kinda smallish like size 5 if you call that thin. very light complected, and i don't mind one bit i am not tan. long dark brown hair and dark brown eyes.

fashion wise i lean more towards gothicy punk stuff, but am a little of eveything. i do wear colors besides black and i do actually have lots of colorful clothes.

but what i am asking you to do is please help me fit in. please don't give me that line of just be yourself and everything will work out bc i have tried that and it just hasn't. i guess what i am saying i want real advice for how to be popular, even if they are kinda plastic.

if you read this far thanks a bunch and if you answer thanks even more so. =]

Update:

ok i am in multiple clubs but don't seem to click with people.

14 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Hello,

    To give you a black and white question is nearly impossible. I am 26 years old now. During my high school years, I was in almost the same situation you are in but different circumstances. I did my best to fit in. I rebelled against the "preps". But when you get older, you will laugh at this whole situation.

    During our adolescent years, we try our best to "fit" in. You may feel that this is important to gain more friends, become more popular, etc. But the main event is that we gain more independence. This makes us feel insecure which leads us into wanting to be apart of something bigger than ourselves. (aka diverse social groups including religion; this can also be found in individuals who jump from group to group - insecurity-) The thing you have to remember is that this feeling to fit in is what everyone your age feels.

    I could say to "just be yourself", but i will leave that cliche' to rest. The advice that I could give you though is that this is just another phase in life. It will pass. The people that rejected you will accept you later. Life is more than just school. It is important to build your social behavior now by continuously talking to both your friends you have now, and also everyone that you meet. (except the perverts) But most importantly, continue to find who you really are and enjoy the rest of your youth.

    I hope this helps and good luck.

    Source(s): Over ten years of the observation of human behavior and my current career in surveillance. I am writing a book soon called "Thurman's Guide to the Living"
  • 1 decade ago

    First of all, are you happy with who you are? Do you have any hobbies? I like to write and my college Prof: says that as a creative writer I am really good. Sounds boreing but it is so much fun. Try to find out what makes you click. Maybe even start a club of your own. Start small and then maybe it will grow.As far as someone messing you over, its ok to be careful not to let anyone use you or mistreat you, but,there are times when we should be forgiving. Try letting others get a little closer, but at a comfortable place for you. Do you have a best friend that is honest with you, or ask an Aunt or someone close for an opion of you and please if you can take consturctive critiscium this would help you a lot. HOpe this helps.

  • 1 decade ago

    Go into the school's website now and see what clubs there are. They may even have a schedule set up already (like every other Tuesday or whatever). Show up at the ones that sound interesting. You will meet people and you will make more friends. Try the off-the-beaten-path clubs like Art, Drama, etc. You may not have to be actually taking those classes to be in the club. My kid's high school has a "Japanese Culture Club" they learn about Japanese stuff and watch Anime videos. Their club is not yet on the school's website, so ask someone in the office if any clubs are not on the website.

  • 1 decade ago

    I can understand where you're coming from. In the past I had times where I just wanted to start over too. I think listening is the most important thing you can do. I'm really with the people who will say "be yourself" - but! I also think that listening to the people around you can teach you a lot of social cues that really go a long way.

    For example, you might have a really awesome story to tell, but no one wants to listen. You can listen to how popular Jane Smith tells the story and pay attention to the way she does it and the way she carries herself. That might teach you what's working for her and not for you.

    That sounds like it's saying "Be somebody else." But often it's little social mannerisms that make things work for one person, and the person who does it differently can't get the same results. One of the big social mannerisms that goes a looong way is having confidence. And it's a hard one to strike a good balance with, because you can definitely have too much confidence and just be annoyingly arrogant. But having confidence in the first place tells everyone else that you believe in you, so they should too. Confidence means walking with your head up. It means talking to people in the hallway and not having the scared dog look on your face (much easier said than done!). It means sitting down at a lunch table and jumping into conversation.

    If you want some tips on how to get the ball rolling, start simple. Start by asking to borrow a pencil from someone. Start by offering help when you see someone needs it (whether it's homework or whatever). Those are starting points that get the dialog going.

    In terms of appearance - my only tip is that the goth/punk look can make someone seem stand-off-ish. Rather, it can make it intimidating for someone else to talk to you if it's too extreme, only because that style represents an antisocial attitude. But overall, I think you'll be happier if you do stick to the clothes that you feel comfortable in, and happy = confident, and confident = great step forward.

    It might also help to use school work as a way to express what happened to you with your family. Like if you have to write a poem or essay for school. Or if you have to make a poster about your life or family. Use those opportunities to share with others about your experiences (if you're comfortable with that), only so that they understand where you are coming from. I think you did it really well here where you explained that it wasn't for pity - you are just sharing who you are and why. That can help them understand and make it easier for them to open up to you.

    In the end, also remember that in high school (and more so middle school actually), kids are just sometimes mean. It's a developmental thing. And as hard as it is, remember to not take it personally, no matter how personal it may seem. You have a lot of kids in the same building who are all trying to figure out their identities and how to interact with society. And that is often recipe for some trouble. Just know that, even if it doesn't help you a lot now, in 10 years or so, when you and them don't even keep in contact anymore, they will likely think about you and if they were ever mean to you and they will wonder why they did it. They will feel bad. And they will want to know how you are and what you are up to. In the end, I think people have huge hearts and want to use them well. But during adolescents, everyone is going through a lot of adjustment and sometimes that personal search gets taken out on innocent people.

    I have faith that you will make some great friends and have no problem. Just don't let any possible speed bumps get in your way. You'll be fine :)

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  • 1 decade ago

    you asked .... drop the punk stuff there are different ways to express yourself.....that kind of look may have worked a few yrs ago but now it is viewed as children in trouble and people stay away from kids that wear that stuff.... think back ... the shooting in Colorado those kids that did the shooting wore that kind of stuff .... read the profile on those kids..... sounds like you became with drawn ... you have been through alot. why dont you start the new year off with a new look? Be sweet and you will be just fine.. if your still having problems dealing with the death speak with the councelor at school she will direct you so that you can heal well ... have a great School year!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    So u want to be popular? even though i dont think you should try to be i will answer your question on how i think you can be. look at the girls that are popular and figure out what they wear, what they do, there hair styles. basically you have to copy them. i dont agree but wtever. once you copy them and dont make it so obvious because they can tell if your fake. gradually make changes bout your self. once you think your ready make your way on over to them and try to fit in. since you say your nothing special but not an eye soar it is easy for you to get beautiful. try a new hairstyle and a new look. with a little makeup, which you prob dont even need, you should do great with those girls. if you dont fit in and those girls dont like you should realize that its truly not you, its them and start your own group. get a cute guy or two to realize how beautiful you are and you are set for the rest of highschool. a smart girl like you and a good personality will go way farther in life then how popular you are. good luck and p.s. im a 15 year old going in to the 10th also

  • 1 decade ago

    Try to get into some clubs, i know at a small high school that could be hard. or just find someone you know you have something in common with and start talking. If they blow you off who cares just move on to the next person. You said you have all honors classes, start chatting it up with some of those kids. Sorry this advice sort of sux huh?

  • 1 decade ago

    Hey!

    I feel like I could say a lot of the same stuff about myself. I'm not the kind of person who clicks with loads of people and I don't feel very confident in public. Coming on here is so much easier!

    I've been changing how I look over the last year and people are treating me different. I know it's not fair people should be like that but they are!

    I'm also short like you which I hate lol.

    If you want to chat and share tips and stuff just contact me through my profile!

    Claire

    xox

  • Mark
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Wow very long but it seems like you need help

    Well the best way is too join a club or a sport and meet people there

    Or just try to figure out who is the most popular in the grade and talk to them.

    Source(s): personal experience
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    hey, sorry about your step dad and everything, that really sucks. i'm going into 10th grade too, and some of the things you described yourself as is just like me. i don't really get along with the "popular" people, i havent since elementary school and im usually wearing black but i have my group of friends, and thats all that really matters to me. im very shy, and i have it but when im with my friends i have a good time. i dont really carre for being with the in-crowd because they're going to go on with their lives and forget about their friends, and most of them are the people that do drugs and everything like that. and i know you dont want to hear this, i hate when people tell me this too, but dont spend your high school life trying to get into the popular crowd. its suppose to be the best years of your life, and that will only ruin it. hope i helped and good luck! =]

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