Lucky asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

I recently kicked my 19 year old son out of my house due to smoking weed, lying and stealing?

He got in trouble with the law and put on probation. He moved in with me 4 months ago as a last ditch effort to help get him straightened out. He had been living w/his dad. I required he find a job and follow the house rules. For 2 months things went ok. Still no job but starting GED classes & following the rules. Then he started going downhill, breaking all the rules, lying, money coming up missing and started smoking weed again. As hard as it was, I kicked him out. He was gone 4 days and had to sleep in the local park one night. He called his dad and he is letting him move back in with him. His dad has kicked him out too before and I just feel like he's making a big mistake letting him move in. I don't feel he'll ever learn his lesson at this rate and we've already given him multiple opportunities. I know it's his dad's decision but I'm a little upset that he's ruining any possibility of this snapping my son out of his destructive behavior. Am I wrong about this?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    No you are not wrong. If his father continues to enable him the behavior will continue. As for the greater problem...You may need to take a look at what is missing from his life. Friends in a positive atmosphere maybe? I'd bet my last dollar that being a bud smoker is something he see as part of his identity and you may just have to ride this part of his life out. You gotta protect yourself and love him at the same time but you may have to just pray he figures it out after a while.

  • 1 decade ago

    I know exactly what your going through. My step brother is 18 and is going through the exact same thing. When he lived with us, he stole money from me and lived like a slob. His mother doesn't even want to take him in. We eventally kicked him out.

    What we are trying to do is put him in a harbor house. What this does is take in kids/adults and help them get a good job and work on social skills and gives them an education. They can live their for a year and then their on their own. While they are there, they can be put into different groups that help them quite smoking and they can talk about their problems as well.

    I'm really sorry for all the pain you've gone through and I hope this helps. Keep moving foward and I'm sure your son will start progressing.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    Don't just tell him to leave one morning and throw his stuff on the lawn, that would be cruel and stupid. Give him at least a few weeks or a months notice so he can find a job and a place to stay. And I don't know if it's even legal to throw his property on the lawn if he owns it, since that could damage his property. You really should teach/have taught him something about being self reliant, tell him he has to move out or start paying rent, and that you expect him to start looking for a job. Anyway, good luck to you both.

  • 1 decade ago

    my 20 year old brother was kicked out my house for the same reason. He has no job, no plans no future.

    It's been hard on my family, expecially my mom, but kicking hm out has been the best thing for him. For the past few month he has had to lean how to survive on his own. My brother has slept on the streets and God knows where else, he is now staying with a friend, but who knows how long that will last.

    You're right in thinking it's a mistake for his dad to let him move back in. And I'm sorry with all that you are going through. But you have to know that you did the right thing by letting him go.

    They need to know that you're not kicking them out, but your letting them pull themselves up on their own.

    Hope things get better

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think your husband is wrong!

    As difficult as it is for us as parents when we have problems with our kids, sometimes the only thing we can do is show them tough love! Sometimes they need to hit bottom before they will pick themselves up! It makes it even more difficult when you and his dad aren't playing on the same side. It would make it a lot easier if you could agree to work together on this and have the same rules and conditions. You son knows how to manipulate with things as they are now and since he has no respect for either of you he will play the game to get what he wants.

    I don't envy you but I do think you did the right thing by kicking him out.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think that you are doing the right thing. I understand that it must hurt. Speaking from experience you are doing the best. My mother Kicked me outta the house at 4am with 2 kids for less then that!! I was told that I was going to get kicked out if i kept talking to my boyfriend... Well i sure kept talking to him and my mom threw me out on the street!! I still to this day feel it was very wrong. But, You have to respect the house of the person that pays the bills.. He needs help! & you cant keep helping him without some effort on his part!! Good Luck

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Wow. I'm just a year older than your son and I could never imagine acting like that! He needs a MAJOR wake up call. Sometimes kids like your son need a good dose of tough love. His dad is just being an enabler. I wish you the best of luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    I think you did the right thing. He is 19 he should start to grow up and take care of himself. I would talk to his father and advise him that he should try to get him to stop smoking and to start following the rules or get him some counseling.

  • 1 decade ago

    well im glad he had his dad to turn to. Yea your tired and frusterated with his behavior but hes your son. Have you treid to get him help with his drug problem? I have someone very close to me hooked on weed and ive had to watch him battle with this addiction. Its the drug that takes all you ambition away. So hes smoking pot , having to steal money to buy his pot, hes lying about smoking pot. he needs help to break this cycle. dont just give up. what kind of message are you sending to your son? When the things get tough run away? try getting him help to quit the drugs first of all. Then the GED. One step at a time. its not to late for him. maybe both of you can attend some kind of counseling together. But please dont just give up and wait for him to be taken away for you. Cause when hes locked up or worse your going to hate yourself for not tyring harder to help him. GOOD LUCK!!!

  • shay
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    You are not wrong. Sometimes it takes tough love for a child to change. He's 19 and he knows what he's doing is wrong. Stick to your rules and let your husband know how you feel. Ask your son if he's willing to talk to someone (like a counselor) about his behavior.

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