my bf's brother is abusing his wife, should i be scared?

I knew my bf's brother was having marital problems, but this weekend I found out he was abusing her. She came over to drop thigns off while I was visiting my bf and told us she had bruises and that her husband had strangled her. He doesn't think he has a problem, but has asked her for a divorce.

My bf is upset by this and feels caught in the middle. He and his sister have both tried approaching him about this, but he refuses to get help. He doesn't think there's anything wrong.

I know my bf has a very different character from his brother. Their father was an alcoholic and his brother grew up in an abusive household, but their father stopped drinking when my bf was born so he didn't grow up with it. I've never seen my bf show signs of this type of behaviour, but I'm scared. I love my bf so much and we've always had a healthy relationship, but now that I've found out about this I'm worried about what his brother might do or that many years down the line he may turn out like that.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Kids brought up in an abusive household,either turn out to be abusive themselves or simply shrink away even from the word 'abuse',coz they recollect the fear and humiliation they faced in their childhood.

    Your bf's brother seems to be of the former type.Their dad was abusive coz he was an alcoholic and your bf's brother is abusive coz he was brought up watching an abusive man and thought tht men shud behave like this.Thts the reason why he finds no fault in his behaviour towards his wife.So,you can be assured tht it is not hereditary and doesn't run in the family keeping aside ur potential dad-in-law and brother-in-law.

    Moreover,had your bf been tht type,he would have shown an inclination towards abusive behaviour atleast once in your affair or he would hav supported his brother and blamed his sis-in-law.He did neither.So,congrats.You hav a great partner.Quit worrying and enjoy your life with him.

  • 1 decade ago

    If he's not showing signs of it now, and he didn't grow up with an alcoholic father, I think it may be ok. Believe me, no 2 people are the same, especially when it comes to brothers and sisters.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Brothers are often very different, so I don't think I would worry. If he has not shown any signs of abusive behavior by now, I think he may be okay. You are the one that must make any decision about him from what you know about him, not someone that has never meet him.

  • 1 decade ago

    People don't just one day decide to be abusers. The traits are always there. Is he controlling, does he bad mouth your friends, is he short tempered, does he put you down, or call you names. Does he try to isolate you from your friends or family? Does he tell you what to wear, and does he allow you to have your own opinion and leave it at that, or does he pound his views into your head until you just say OK to get him to back off? Does he hit or throw things around you when you argue?

    If he seems to care about you, doesn't control you and is generally a good person, even when no one is around, then I wouldn't worry about it too much.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I would not stick my nose into things like this. But you should know that this can be hereditary at times. The same thing happened with

    my brother in law. He beat my sister up. His dad used to beat his wife, and the grandfather shot the grandmother and then committed suicide. The uncle also tried to commit suicide. Counselors told my sister that behavior like this can be passed along when a person lives in this kind of environment and sometimes can actually be genetic.

  • 1 decade ago

    I believe you have to judge each person on their individual merits. I have three brothers, and we are all very different people. If your bf hasn't shown any of the same behavior, then I would say you should treat him well, and be honest with him, and the two of you ought to be just fine.

  • 1 decade ago

    Continue to grow your relationship with your bf. Be supportive of him and his bro's wife.My own brother is a s$*tbag but i have been in a loving healthy marriage for a long time. Trust yourself.

  • 1 decade ago

    Yea sometimes things like that do run in the family from childhood experiences and since there brothers they both were watching what there parent do

  • 1 decade ago

    the abuse doesn't always travel down the family tree.. it is about choices and his brother is choosing to be abusive and not fight the urge to hit someone. I think your concerns of your bf are ones that you don't really have to worry about.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Don't worry your boyfriend is a diff person from his brother. About his brother and wife she need to leave him and get help for herself.

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