Dondi
Lv 7
Dondi asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

What think you of a shipwreck?

Shipwrecked

A shipwreck when I was a lad,

A firey crash indeed.

So many died a gruesome death,

So many were in need.

We're stranded here in no-man's land,

Up on a mountain high.

We're stuck forever here on Earth,

An island in the sky.

I long for home, my lovely place,

The place to lay my head.

What a joy to just once more,

Lay down upon my bed.

The ship is strong, it is rebuilt,

But it won't leave this dale.

For though the ship has been renewed,

We have no solar sail.

Some day we'll build our sail so strong,

And take off toward the stars.

The first stop will be home of course,

Up there on planet Mars.

13 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    That first verse does fit beautifully with 'Oh, God our help, in ages past' - I know 'cos I've just been singing it.

    I felt as though the poem began in one place and then moved to some-where completely different in the last two verses....then I read, and re-read it and it all became clear.

    I think it is because you have (deliberately) misled us with 'shipwreck' -there's my mind on the high seas, then puzzled as to how the ship got on a mountain. And, of course it ain't a sea ship, it's a space ship.

    Do you know, this is so poignant...remember ET phone home? Made me cry anyway.

  • 1 decade ago

    Nice, simple little piece of verse. Hope you won't mind me pointing out that 'firey' is spelt 'fiery', but I'll assume you did it deliberately to stress that it should be read as a 2 syllable word instead of 3.

    Another couple of little things. 3rd line, 3rd verse is a syllable short. How about 'Oh what a joy to just once more,'? Also, 2nd line, 5th verse is 1 too long. How about 'And launch towards the stars.'? Yeah, I know it was only for fun, but just trying to help.

    Would you post what you consider an example of your best work for my perusal? Or even email me with it, if you prefer? I can see you know how to write, but I'd like to see an emotional piece. (Purely out of interest...no ulterior motive.)

    Or not, if you prefer.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I really do believe that you are in fact a Martian. If you took that hat off I think that we would see your antenna's pointing to your home planet. Sooo! with all the technology you Martians are supposed to have, what went wrong? apart from losing your solar sail.

    I good poem, put me in mind of some of the works of Author Conan Doyle.

    Robert

  • 4 years ago

    hahahahaha Did she kill the haggis along with her very own bare palms?? What a female!! I also have a wooded area close to me i think of i will attempt my luck!! To undesirable i'm no longer a nymphet or am I ?? ponder whether there is any whiskey in simple terms mendacity around available!!hhuumm!! hehehehehehe!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    A fun read. Got a little confusing there for a sec, then it came together. Leave it be... maybe use the premise for something else too.

  • 1 decade ago

    Some call it the hymn beat. Well said, as usual. I have 2 -14'x32' reject banners I can let you have! Might not be solar but look good! lol

  • 1 decade ago

    I like this makes you think, go back and reread to catch the full meaning of it! Like a mystery you have to pay attention or you'll miss your flight!! Cheers!!

    Source(s): The X Files sorry couldn't help that!!
  • 1 decade ago

    "Hi!",

    Save a seat for me! when that solar sail gets built : )

    This was a lovely bed time story for me.

    Good night and good morning to you!

    WELL DONE!

    Cheers : )

  • 1 decade ago

    Love this form. We're heading for home soon--be patient.

  • 1 decade ago

    You can sing this to " O God our help in ages past".

    I fully like these lyrics as much!

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