I dont know if I should continue. PLEASE HELP!!!!!?

I have been working on this story for a almost a year and a half now and I am trying to decied if I should continue on with it. I havent been able to get alot of feedback on it ( besides friends and family and that hasnt been very helpful)

so could you read a little and let me know if you think it is good if I should continue on with the series or even finish the book?

http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2381952/1/In_The_Bli...

Update:

If anyone wants to read all of what I have writen it is on the site that I put up. On the top or bottom of the page at the far right there is a little box that says "1 preface" if you click on that a drop down will appear with links to the rest of the chapters.

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  • LK
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    *sorry it's so long, but...

    I have listed a few things I see right away reading this, and also some links that will help you a lot if you take the time to read them.

    1. Comma after "room."

    2. Comma between and a quote and "she said." <--when there is a period like that.

    Suggest you read some dialogue in a good book to see how it's done.

    3. Commas around a name whenever a person is addressed in dialogue.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commas_(punctuation)

    Through the link above you can learn about puctuation, which your story sorely lacks in proper places. If the page says 'Please search for comma (punctuation),' click on it; that is a link.

    Suggest you look at the column on the right to see the names and appearance of different types of punctuation. Then, in the Content box, just hit numbers 2 and 3.

    4. Please break up descriptions of your characters a bit. These blocks of sudden description used by many new writers are 'slow-downs' and get boring in a reading experience. Glimpses here and there will get the job done more effectively and more interestingly.

    5. I see too many influences from another book here.

    6. You have a typo, a / where there should be a .

    7. "...had met" is passive, as are similar verbs, like "...had gotten up." To learn about passive and active voice writing (and you really do want your writing voice to be an active one) follow the link here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_Grammar .

    Hit 'Voice' and 'Verb' in the Content box.

    8. A good writer must always go back and carefully check spelling themselves after a spell-check. Those machine checks always let words by that are wrong: for example, you have a "form" here where you want a "from."

    Other than some studying on punctuation and grammar, active and passive voice, you have a start here. I understand why 'old' is mixed with 'new.' The rich often do that. To immediately get the parents 'out of the way' is pretty cliche <--warning you of that.

    Suggest you read good books, keep writing, and most especially remain very observant of all of life around you: it is the stuff of stories.

    You don't find original stories in other books, you read the other books to learn how people write. And because we all love to read.

    The original stories must come from your experiences, imagination, and observations.

    Once more: keep reading good books, keep writing and OBSERVE.

    Best of luck.

    Source(s): Eng. Lit degree, post-grad writing courses; made my living as a journalist (with short stories also published and one play produced), editor and tutor. Retired, mostly.
  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds quite good so far, except you seem to have written in two time periods. The beginning is quite old fashioned, very formal and historical. Then when she gets to school, phrases like hang out bring the story back to moden times. is this intentional?its a good basis for a story and you use description well. You seem like a good writer, just pay attention to when you are writing about! Hope i help, and please take this as constructive critisism , i like the book, and you should definately continue!

    Source(s): book worm . (and lets face it.. geek!)
  • 1 decade ago

    I read the Story and it really is nice.Please do write the story and i would be glad to have a copy of it.I would be happy to know about Sarah's trip to the States.But do tell me that from one and a half year have you written only this much?The Story is really nice and I want to read the full story.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I just read the 1st page and it looks like you have talent. Carry on with it, get it published and i promise... i will read it (: and so many other people will as well. You have talent, keep it up x

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  • 1 decade ago

    beautiful... love your writing style... you might want to check some type errors though..."have a god day at school"... it should be good... keep up the good work

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It´s interesting...but the grammar is kind of wonky...you´ve forgotten punctuation...

    It is quite good though.

    HB..xxx

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes think about all the Money you can Make

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