Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 1 decade ago

19 years old and Pregnant, Need Advice!!?

I turned 19 a few days ago I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks and 3 days. I was on the pill at the time so a bit confused how this has happened. I am now 6 weeks and 4 days.

Me and my 23 year old boyfriend said a termination would be best but I realised this is not what I wanted. I always said I would never have an abortion. I got so stressed about it. I would love to keep my baby but I live with my parents and brother and sister in a flat (apartment).

I thought maybe Adoption although it would kill me would be best. I would not feel like I was killing my baby and it would be with a family that can look after it.

But my boyfriend hated the idea and implied if i don't have a termination I lose him. Its not so much that I would put my baby over him but I saw how upset he was.

Yesterday i had a scan and saw my babys heartbeat now it is all real but I've made an appointment with my doctor to book an abortion. I don't know what will happen if I don't go through with it


21 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your situation sounds very similiar to mine back then.

    My BF told me that we don't need kids right now and we need to prevent it from happening. But if it happened, we'd raise it. Well, I got pregnant almost instantly. I told him about it and basically he was speechless and the next words that came out is "What are we gonna do?" I told him I wanna keep the baby, and he said he'd disappear cuz he's not ready. Out of fear and lots of persuasion from him, I made an appointment. I spent endless hours looking up abortion info and i got even more restless about the horrifying images I saw and my BF knew I didn't wanna get rid of it. In a way, he was worried that I'd resent him for it, but he still didn't want me to keep it. I brought up adoption, but he didnt like that either. It got to a point where I begged him to reconsider..

    I missed the 1st appointment cuz i didn't follow the "24hours prior to your appt" rules, so the next day when i went to my BFs apartment, he kept pushing it and pushing for me to get another appt and even said he thinks I did it on purpose. Reluctantly, I rescheduled, somehow knowing i wouldn't go to that one anyway. Our relationship was kind of questionable cuz of financial issues and the like, so a week before my 2nd appt I told him that I'm keeping the baby. Cuz really, I had already lost the BF so to speak. He was once again speechless. He didn't like it at all. But i didn't care.

    I'm 35 weeks pregnant, and during the past several months, he's turned over a new leaf and wants to be commited to the baby and myself. He cares alot more about our wellbeing. I'm 21 and still live at home in an apartment.

    Look, never never choose a bf over your own baby. To this day, I could kick my own a$s for even considering having an abortion because of him. Boyfriends come and go, but your babies will love you and thank you forever! If he can't handle the fact that YOU want to keep your little bundle, then maybe he's not the man you're looking for. Maybe he'll change, like mine has, maybe he won't. But if you do something to please him only cuz you're afraid you'll lose him, you're in for some bad news. Before anything else, ask him if he loves/cares about you. If he loves you and cares like he says he does, then he will not make you make a life-changing decision like that. Once you abort your child, you will think about the "what-ifs" afterwards. Trust me, some suffer emotional issues for years to come, while others are fine. You don't need to experiment with that and mess up your life.

    Good luck to you and hopefully you'll make a decision based on what's best for you AND the baby.

    Source(s): 35 weeks pregnant w/ first baby
  • 1 decade ago

    Any man that would rather see an abortion over an adoption is no man in my book. If you feel you can't keep the baby then don't kill it. Adoption is hard, seeing your baby be born, maybe holding it and then having to hand it over to a new family. But it's much easier to live with knowing you let that baby live long enough to be born and given a chance at life.

    I was 19 when I had my first and lived back at home as well.. I'm sorry but just because that's the case with you ( living at home I mean ) doesnt mean it's a very good excuse for an abortion.. on the pill or not these happen for a reason . And tell that pathetic , creep of a bf that if he'll stay with you if you abort, then don't let the door hit ya on the *** on the way out.

    after answering this question I went back and read the answers and I was very disturbed by what I saw.. someone wrote dont think of it as killing your baby.. Well what else do you call it?? THAT baby has a heart beat.. a brain.. if you terminate that,, that's killing it.. Also...whoever asked if she backpacked thru europe or went on a drinking binge on a cruise.. WTF.. are you on crack.. Do you actually think the majority of 20 somethings out there acutally get to do crap like that.. No.. we go to school, get jobs ( most ) and want a normal.. good easy life.. ( not saying it's easy ) We dont have dreams of getting drunk on cruise ships.. You are a bad person to be taking advice from.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    She is 14, you don't convice her of TELL her. Yank her out of school and send her to live with someone else in another city or state. Turn her world upside down. Why does she have a cell phone. Take that back forever. The problem is there is no control. In real life a 14 year old should be going to school and coming straight home after school to do homework, eat dinner, watch some tv and then go to bed. What is her day like? Where are you after school, at work? You need to be her life and make her life the life she should have at this age. A 14 year old should never be allowed to have a boyfriend in the first place. Today, tell her her relationship is over. No discussion. Then find somebody else for her to live with for a while. Somebody that won't take her crap and will enforce the rules and the law. Why would you ever allow a 14 year old to date a 18-19 year old MAN in the first place. Parenting is the problem on all points.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Listen carefully - you are 19 - not saying that you won't be with your boyfriend forever - but he is asking you to put your morals/values aside because of something that he equally has responsibility for but isn't wanting to deal with the consequences of. You have to question the relationship with anyone that is willing to do that - boyfriend or not. Of course he is going to be upset but he is black mailing you by saying that if you don't go through with the abortion you will lose him - do you really want to be with someone like that. You have seen your babies heartbeat - you know that is a real thing living inside you. You do have choices - keeping the baby, adoption or abortion - just make sure its a decision that YOU make - not anyone else. You alone are the one that has to deal with the decision. Believe me - my sister had an abortion at 19 - she went through the am I keeping it, shall I abort it thing 100's of times, the day before the abortion she was going to keep it - until her boyfriend said that he didn't want the baby - because of that she had the abortion - ever since she has regretted that decision. Yes it might be hard to keep the baby - but you will never regret having a baby and keeping it. Yes it could be hard to adopt the baby out - but you can at least know that you are giving the baby a life and a life with someone that really wants a baby. But with abortion - especially when it is someone elses decision - you have to live with that for the rest of your life - please think carefully. Talk to your family and other people you can get support from, not just your boyfriend.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It is your body and YOUR child you do what you want .. I was always raised that your child comes before anyone else.. I could never hear a Live heartbeat then kill it that is horrid to think of since I have been trying to get pregnant myself for a long time and it is a privelage not a pressure I mean do what you can to make it right if you can not handle a child yet there is Plenty of services that will give the baby to a loving and wealthy caring home. Only you can make this decision and it what you will live with no text will ever change it so think about it a lot and take in what you feel .. deep down you know what you want nobody will judge you worse then yourself so do what you really want do not be scared.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    wow.....please read this, its another question i answered along the same lines;_ylt=AmpaJ...

    by the sound of it, you, as an individual woman, really want to have the baby, but you're thinking of other people - your boyfriend, your family etc. its not about them, its about you. your boyfriend gave up the option to be considered in the matter the minute he threatened to leave you. you sound stronger than that so start acting the part.

    abortions are a complex matter. whether you go through with it is a decision only you can make. i can't begin to describe the feeling of regret and guilt you'll have if you're not 110% positive that you DO NOT want this child to be born. you NEED to be 110% sure. otherwise your boyfriend will in fact be the least of your problems. i personally would go along the adoption lines as at least like you said, you know your not killing your baby and if you feel that you can't give it the life it deserves then there is a family out there desperate to give their love to a baby they're unable to have themselves.

    good luck hun.x

  • 1 decade ago

    So what it really comes down to is are YOU ready to be a mother? Raising a child on your own is one of the toughest things in the world to do. You have to think about everything from feeding your child to where youre going to leave him/her while you go to work. And when you really need the night off from taking care of them, thats when they are going to need you most. Being a parent is a 24 hour job...for the rest of your life. Which means, even if the relationship with the father dosnt work out, he will be in your life FOREVER.

    Youre not even 21 yet. Which means you still have ALOT to experience. Have you ever been to the beaches of Mexico? Or gone backpacking thru Europe? How about a long drinking bindge on a cruise? Now try doing all this with a newborn...With a screaming 2 year old.

    I too said Id never have an abortion. But when I was 21 I was on the pill and got pregnant. The father and I went around and around (till it was almost too late) trying to decide what we wanted to do. I couldnt imagine the thought of adoption either. So I collected all the courage I had and went to find out all my options with my doctor. They have very easy mothods of terminating your pregnany with out hurting you or the child these days. If you see your doctor early enough (with in the 1st 8-12 weeks your prego) you have a option of a pill that you can take in the privacy of your own home.

    Im very thankful I did not choose to have a child with the man I was seeing. The relationship made a turn for the worst and we ended up spliting ways.

    Now 4 years later Im in my second long term relationship. I am also 20 weeks pregnant. I again was on the pill(but thats beside the point) . From the begining of the pregnancy my boyfriend was very supportive. He rubbed my feet and my back whenever I needed it.

    Somewhere along the way we lost that closeness and now we barly talk. He has also changed jobs which isnt bringing in much money. Basicly, he turned into a bum. A bum that I do not want my son around.

    So now, here I am. 25, 5 months prego and on my own. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to go thru in my life. I make decent money but when its time for the baby to come I am not able to collect Maternity leave (due to the small amount of ppl that i work with) which means along with the job, my insurence in lost. There is more on my plate than I know what to do with.

    It sounds like youre close with your family, which is good. But you have to remember you put yourself in this position so you can not expect them to bail you out and raise your child. I too am close to my fam, but Im also a big girl and I have to do what I have to do.

    Youre 19 sweetheart. You cant think of an abortion as killing your child. You have to think about yourself and your future. If youre not prepared your baby wont be. and thats not fair. Have a child when youre ready, everything will come together and feel just right when you are.

  • 1 decade ago

    Any man that would leave you because you wont kill your unborn child is no man I would want to be around.... I'm 20 and found out I was pregnant a few months ago, it was a huge shock and I was scared to death but now I'm so excited.. Even though I'm young I know I will be a great mom and if my fiance had said it was either him or my child I would have shown him the door. Please do what YOU feel is right and not what someone else wants you to do. Good luck and I hope you do the right thing, whatever that may be for you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. If you decide on your own that this is the best course of action for you under the cirucumstances, that's one thing. But don't let your fears about losing your boyfriend make you terminate the pregnancy if that isn't what you really want to do. Any guy who would make that kind of an ultimatum to you isn't worth keeping around.

    I wish you the best. I know this has to be hard for you right now. Can you talk to your mother or a close friend about it and get some support?

  • 1 decade ago

    Being a mother can change your life!

    It's one of the greatest joys in the world....

    I'm 17, pregnant, and in foster care. When I found out I was pregnant it was especially hard because no one expected it of me and I wasn't exactly surrounded by support.

    Every time you have sex there is always a possiblity of you getting pregnant. He knew this when he chose to have sex with you and should therefore be willing to accept all responsiblity. To threaten to leave you over a situation he had part in creating is not only not fair to you but to the child you now have growing inside you. Maybe you need to determine whether or not he's the one for you.

    If you do go through with it who could give birth to a hero.

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