What would you do with a husband that makes more of a mess than a 6 year old?

My husband went from his mom caring for him to me and he never cleans up after himself! I clean all day long so that my house is sparkling, when he gets home from work ( he works outside and get very dirty) he plops on my white couch and eats and every time he spills and wont clean it,and I have to beg him to shower. He leaves food everywhere and when he shaves he doesnt rinse out the sink so i go in and its black!

He leaves dirty laundry all over even tho the laudry basket is in plain view his socks are alway inside out when I go to wash them I asked if he would make sure not to do that next time and he said " thats your job"! He cant even take out the garbage he leaves it over flowing and says its fine. I sit for maybe an hour a day other than that I am cleaning from when i wake up till he goes to bed because of how big of a mess he makes everyday! My 6 year old nephew cleans up after himself and my 25 year old husband cant lift a finger!

Im having a bad day sorry for rambling

Update:

we just had supper and it was chicken that he ate with his hands and I went into the kitchen and the cupboards and fridge were full of grease! I am a house wife and I know that means i care for the house but im not a maid and thats what i feel like right now!

Update 2:

tootie: thank you i love your answer!

Thanks for all your answers so far going on strike sounds like my best bet I will definitely give it a whirl!

17 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Honestly, you really need to have it out with him. Imagine doing this for the rest of your life. I'm a domestic goddess as well, but my husband DOES NOT do anything to contribute to the mess in the house. He puts his dirty clothes in the appropriate basket, hangs up his towel after a shower, takes out the garbage, even waters my plants for me sometimes. He used to be the same way your husband is and I put a stop to it real quick by just not cleaning the house, cooking him dinner, washing his clothes, nothing. It worked like a charm. He realized how much work I do around the house to keep it spotless and he started pitching in more. Go on strike. If your husband cares enough about your feelings, than he'll cut his crap and work on fixing the problem. I would also make a point of your 6 year old nephew being cleaner than he is. Put it to him like "its really sad that a child can be more responsible than an adult. you really need to grow up. i'm not your mother."

  • 4 years ago

    I completely understand both sides. I have been there. When we decided to have kids, I stopped my career and became a stay at home mom. Although, it is the ultimate experience, it will wear you out if you do not have anytime to yourself. You are with the babies 24/7, no breathing time! He on the other hand can go to work and get out of the house go out to eat, go to the gym, etc. You need to have a serious talk with him and tell him you are human and you also can become stressed and would like to have at least twice a week some time for you. That would mean he does not go to the gym and you go out for a walk, have lunch with someone, go shopping, etc. Do not feel guilty because he is the bread winner. You do your fare share just with the caring and upbringing of the children and having your house clean! This time off for you, will make you more relaxed. At the same time, he can have a little more time with the kids and get to really know what their needs and wants are. For example, my kids like certain juices with certain foods. The other no cheese on their sandwich or no mayo etc. Sometimes, husbands rely way too much on us. I always take me daughter to the ortho, a couple of weeks I could not take her and had my husband take her, she came back upset because my husband did not go in with her when they called her name. You would think common sense. He's like "I didn't know". I am like well now you do so you need to get more involved. My husband has always helped me with household chores since the beginning of our 20 yr marriage and still does. But, I know he relies on me way too much. You don't need a dog, that will be like having another child. I have 3 kids, dog, cat and fish. Who feeds them me! If you leave the children with him just for a couple of hours a week, he will quickly appreciate all you do. Which is a whole lot. Don't feel guilty for anything, you are a family and families work together and everything should be divided equally 50/50 if one is giving out more, than you will not have a happy family/marriage. Just talk to him and make some time for yourself. Good luck to you!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    As a guy and watching my parent's relationship which is very similar, I believe it is actually your fault for establishing this relationship this way. I mean it isn't like he just started doing this.

    It isn't his fault in a sense that this is how he believes the relationship balances out. If it bothers you, you need to talk to him and settle what you need him to do. If you don't talk to him, this is the way he thinks the relationship is and his thoughts are probably that you are the one being lazy if you don't clean up after him.

    Trust me, my Dad is still the exact same way, but my Mom gave up trying to change him, and now she deals with his mess to a frustrating degree sometimes.

    It's actually a symptom of not communicating if you feel this strongly and are frustrated, your first thing should be to talk to him about it and tell him how you feel, and then you should find your reason.

    THAT is the actual issue, but for right now I would say your initial issue is communication.

  • rrm38
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Hire a cleaning service. Make sure that they show up while he is there and that they follow him around cleaning behind him. When he asks about it, you can explain that this is what you need to do to ensure that you're able to spend quality time with him when he gets home. Tell him you hired a maid so that you can be a wife.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I know people like this, men and women. I had a chick staying with me once and I got all her stuff organized and cleaned and said, "see, doesn't that make you feel better?" and she was said, "Not really." I guess some people are clean people and some are not. My house is always clean and I do most of it, I just expect my husband to pick up after himself. It is not going to get better by itself so I would keep trying to keep it clean and hope that he grows up and cleans his act up eventually. Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    Same thing I was doing with him when he was a boyfriend, then a fiancé. If I could deal with him before we were married, I don't see what would change afterwards. I'm sure you married him for something other than his cleaning skills - but you always take the good with the bad.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i'm sorry but i couldn't put up with such a pig, you're good girl, i d k how u do it, and worse yet you're married to this man, wow, tell him he needs to start cleaning up after himself, and do not do any of the things that he purposely messes up, leave it there for him to clean, i bet after having an eye saw for a week or so, depending on the type of pig that you have as a hubby, he'll do something about it!GL!

  • 1 decade ago

    hi hun, you got it bad, and i wouldn't like to be in your shoes, literally, i mean if i were u i'd seriously have a heart to heart with him, tell him u refuse to clean up after him, like some 3 yr old, and let him know that if he doesn't shape up, you will be forced to leave him, i'm serious let's see if he takes your words seriously, GL!

  • 1 decade ago

    Men have two mothers. The one that gave birth to them and the one they marry. You just got a bigger baby than most!!

  • 1 decade ago

    he does that because he knows that you will clean up after him. tell him to knock it off. or start putting his dirty laundry on his side of the bed.

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