What about this poem/song I wrote?

Question

'Maybe'-

Maybe they could have done so much.

had a family with kids of their own

and such.

Some things we'll never know

Maybe she would have

learned to dance. But some

are never given the chance, that you got

Never even had a shot.

Maybe she would have been

a writer.

Or he a racecar driver.

...Maybe

Maybe he would have been a Doctor.

These things will never be sure.

Always labeled "maybe".

And it's all kinda shady.

But maybe she would have been

a writer.

Or he a racecar driver.

Some things we'll never know.

Maybe they could have done so much.

had a family with kids of their own

and such.

Some things we'll never know

........Now we'll never know.........

Update:

Umn...I know it's really bad.

I wrote it when I was eleven and my twin premature cousins died after 3 days.

I never entended it to be a song, but I can put it with a slow tune, and it's almost okay.

Please be nice, this is a sensative issue with me.

Thanks =)

Update 2:

That's really good, Emmz!

wow.

Answer 1

Favorite Answer

i think knowing what its about its sad but very good, especially being that you wrote it at eleven. sorry bout ur cousins =(

Answer 2

I think it was Genius! Its absolutely positively PERFECT!

I'm gonna post my poem.

"Worlds"

Two different worlds

Always collide

Never know

Who's on your side.

Watching corners

Hallways and such

Seeing these worlds

It's all too much.

Worlds are dangerous

As you can see

Things will happen

To you and me.

The worlds will end

Soon enough

Then we shall rid

All this bad stuff.

The end is near

Can't you see?

Things will disappear

Even you and me.

As the day ends

I shall awaken

Into the dark

And unmistaken.

Two worlds collide

Never know

Who's on your side.

Its mostly only a poem and its kinda sad and dark but it came to me and I've been dying to post it.

Source(s): im into writing poems myself and songs

Answer 3

well i think that its actually pretty good! not to sure about it being a song, a poem for sure tho. i think that the only thing that could use some touching up it how it rhymes a lot, instead try to have the words just flow together. other than that i really loved it. great feeling from it to, sad but almost happy.. idk i loved it^^

hope i helped!

Answer 4

its very lovely. i wrote one called "the butterfly" it was after my best friend was killed in a a car accident.

its a plain verse style but not every poem has to rhyme and all that.

the best ones are written when emotions are high (such as low/sad moments)

Source(s): reciever of 2 editors choice award in the international poetry comp

Answer 5

oh my god. that's amazing for an eleven year old.

the people who think its bad just don't know the right tune that i sung it with.

your the next taylor swift haha

Answer 6

it's nice xD