I need a really honest review of my poem. Comments or criticism?

Click, Clack

Click, clack,

As the night nears black,

no need for one when guilt is your gun.

I’m going insane,

for the ones I’ve slain,

still remain to haunt and I haven’t forgot

a single face.

I cannot erase

these terrible thoughts deaf with gunshots.

Their fate sealed shut

with a silencer, from what?

Surely not their screams, and my guilt isn’t redeemed.

I’ve found you.

Oh, no, what have I done?

Trembling hands drop the gun.

Her crimson pools around as I fall to the ground.

Her blood holds my reflection

frozen in perplexion.

Her tears are my own, but the ones not shown.

I’m screaming inside,

but in whom can I confide?

I’m back.

You know suddenly it’s near

when all you can hear


click, clack,

as the night turns black.

No more.

3 Answers

  • Patsy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hmmm. It sort of lets the reader in on what's in your head - yet holds back some. I mean the total meaning is not clear - but maybe that's what you're aiming for. The 2nd stanza is almost like the chorus of a song. I learn more from that than the rest of the poem. Great vocabulary. Easy to follow tempo. But something keeps me from really being struck by it.

  • 4 years ago

    hi. definite I quite have won dozen of effective criticism on my poems, that I quite have published, and that i've got discovered plenty approximately my blunders, and that i corrected all of them, i'm happy to assert that I quite have discovered from my own blunders to write extra advantageous, and the thank you to get greater, the place i'm form of vulnerable. There are some solid Poet's on right here, and that i'm blessed that God positioned them in my course. i like to study and proportion my poems, and supply effective criticism to my acquaintances poems, because of the fact to me a Poem is like a controversy some could accept as true with the author , and a few will possibly no longer agree... I . make beneficial that I quite have some thing particular that i prefer to assert related to the poem that i'm commenting in this particular argument will help me comprehend the poem extra advantageous , helping me additionally to be certain a sparkling view of my opinion . with a view to make a respected argument related to the poem, you will prefer to study how the poem works—what form the poem fits into, what its subject concerns are, and what poetic ideas and figures of speech are used. those are the flaws i think of roughly every time, I C/C a poem. thank you for this very exciting question. a exceptionally solid eye opener.

  • 1 decade ago

    Much as I enjoyed this poem, I cannot help but wish that you would post a DIFFERENT ONE. I have seen this one being re-posted all week...surely you will have generated enough comments to make significant improvements.

    Remember that I have nothing against you or your writing...in fact, I love both. But please share something new for me to enjoy. <3

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